Precious Moments

"See ya Sli :-)"
"*kiss*"
"See ya K ;-)"
"*kiss*"

You were fine on Friday. You were on CU. Saturday you sounded tired. Sunday you were gone..........forever. God I still can't believe it. I know you'd tell me to just move on..........

We met back in early 1996, she had just gotten her cam and had only been on CU for a few weeks. She was "Irina" then.......

"Why Irina?"
"It's a conservative name so guys won't get the wrong idea"

........she was using a very slow modem that made motion vid impossible, so she would transmit one frame, then freeze it for the entire day. The frame was always a pic of her smiling. I'd sit there on the ref and tell her when the frame was complete and clear, then she'd freeze. She took up residence on the IBM ref, and decided that it would be her "home" in cyberspace. Every single person that would pop onto the ref got a "hi" from her. I often wonder how many ref owners and refmons, and even how many CUer's there are out there right now, who first logged on as newbie lurkers and got a "hi" from Kerry. And found that in most instances, she was the only sender who would speak with them. She would go down the entire participants list and make sure she had greeted each one...........

"How come you say hi to anybody who logs on?"
"Somebody has to"

Hours and hours we would spend, through oceans of her favorite drink, Mountain Dew, chatting about anything and everything, well into the night.........

				There are those who talk,
				and without knowledge or forethought
				reveal a truth,
				which they themselves do not understand.

				And there are those
				who have the truth within them,
				but they tell it not in words.

				In the bosom of such as these,
				the spirit dwells in rhythmic silence.

....................we typed our philosophies of life to each other, all our hopes and dreams. There was a comfort and honesty in that frozen smiling face. A genuine caring. And over those many days and nights, I made a very special friend.

Eventually she got herself a faster modem, and was able to transmit motion vid. I remember how excited she was about it. And how she counted the days until it was delivered.......

"I got it Sli!!!!!!"
"Alright!!!!!!"

..........and that day I got the first glimpse of that amazing sparkle in her eyes. The sparkle to accompany that incredible smile. It wasn't long after that she changed her nick to "Kerry".

Then shortly thereafter came her first CU romance. She was madly in love. On an incredible high. Disappearing into nightly dc's. Just time for a quick "hi" then "gotta go". He was European. He was going to send her a plane ticket to come and visit. She waited and waited. But the ticket never came. Suddenly he was nowhere to be found. There was no sound on CU........but I could hear her heart shatter from a thousand miles away..........

"God Sli I feel like I'm gonna die.....I can't believe it :-(("
":-((( K"

..............and it wasn't long after that I began to see flashes of another side of Kerry. A more unpleasant one. An anger that could clear a ref in minutes. I often wondered what it was that would suddenly make her go off like that. But in the end I found myself grateful for the honesty within the anger. Because you always knew where you stood with Kerry. Delicate diplomacy was definitely not her forte.

Over the years we drifted in and out of different groups on different refs. Always keeping in touch. Even if it was just a quick ICQ message once in awhile. All the messages are still there in the history. The last few have no response. They're backed up and preserved now. Never to be deleted. Now they seem so much more important.......so much more precious.

The last time I saw her she was on Streak's. She wasn't feeling very good. But it didn't matter. She was in love. She'd never been happier. Looking forward to starting a new life. Talk of the future. Making plans.

I know that there are hundreds, if not thousands, of people all over the world who will pause and reflect when they hear that you're gone Kerry. The people that you touched, for better or worse. And they will feel the loss. And perhaps they will realize, as you did, that these moments on CU are no less precious than any other moments of our lives.

So thank you Kerry. Thank you for the laughter and the tears. Thank you for the music and the silence. Thank you for listening. Thank you for showing the nobility of honesty. Thank you for sharing those precious moments of your all too short life. Thank you for being My Special CU Friend.

                            You would know the secret of death.
                       For life and death are one,
                       even as the river and the sea are one.

                       For what is it to die
                       but to stand naked in the wind,
                       and to melt into the sun.
                       And what is it to stop breathing,
                       but to free the breathe
                       from its restless tides.

                       Only when you drink
                       from the river of silence,
                              shall you indeed sing.
                       And when you have reached the mountain top,
                              then you shall begin to climb.

                       And when the earth shall claim your limbs,
                              then shall you truly dance.



Rest In Peace Kerry 

*kiss*



Sli








February 1999