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Two priests were going to Hawaii on vacation and decided that they would make this a real vacation by not wearing anything that would identify them as clergy. As soon as the plane landed, they headed for a store and bought some really outrageous shorts and shirts, sandals, sunglasses, etc.
The next morning, they went to the beach, dressed in their "tourist" garb and were sitting on beach chairs, enjoying a drink, the sunshine and the scenery when a "drop dead" gorgeous blonde in a tiny bikini came walking straight toward them. They couldn't help but stare and when she passed them she turned to them, smiled and said, "Good morning father, good morning father" nodding and addressing each of them individually, then passed on by.
They were both stunned: how in the world did she recognize them as priests? The next day they went back to the store, bought even more outrageous outfits - these were so loud, you could hear them before you even saw them - and again they settled on the beach in their chairs to enjoy the sunshine, etc.
After a while, the same gorgeous blonde, wearing a string bikini this time, came walking toward them again. (They were glad they had sunglasses, because their eyes were about to pop out of their heads). Again, she approached them and greeted them individually: "good morning father", "good morning father" and started to walk away.
One of the priest couldn't stand it and said, "just a minute young lady. Yes, we are priests, and proud of it, but I have to know, how in the world did YOU know?"
"Oh father, don't you recognize me, I'm Sister Kathryn!"

Three men who died the same day were presented before God. The almighty showed particular interest in their sex life. The first one replied that he never had an affair before or after he was married. God granted him a chauffeur-driven Cadillac.
The second man admitted he had some affairs before he was married but none afterwards. God gave him an ordinary car.
The third confessed to having had lots of affairs. God gave him a scooter.
A few days later the man with the scooter saw the fellow with Cadillac sitting by road side and crying. The scooterist asked him why was he upset. Replied the Cadillac owner, "I've just seen my wife ride past on a bicycle."

Quotations About Marriage!

o not marry a person that you know that you can live with; only marry someone that you cannot live without.

any a man owes his success to his first wife, and his second wife to his success.

successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.

arriage is when a man and woman become as one; the trouble starts when they try to decide which one.

f you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.

f a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.

e in the industry know that behind every successful screenwriter stands a woman.... and behind her stands his wife.

Some good reasons for leaving the job:

--Responsibility makes me nervous.
--My boss insists that all employees have to get to work by 8:45 every morning. I can't work under those conditions.
--I was met with a string of broken promises and lies, as well as cockroaches.
--The company makes me a scapegoat - just like my three previous employers.
--It induces more allergies than house cats and Mongolian sheep.

Entertaining in Your Home

"o not allow the dog to eat at the table . . . no matter how good his manners are.

by: Bill K. @ aol.com

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Good * Bad * Worse

Good: The secretary said "yes." Bad: Your wife says "no."
Good: You get a three-day weekend. Bad: You get the flu on Friday.
Good: Your uncle leaves you a fortune. Bad: It's counterfeit.
Bad: Your wife wants a divorce. Worse: She's a lawyer.
Bad: Your wife's leaving you. Worse: For another woman.

Bumper Stickers

" he more people I meet, the more I like my dog."
"ll men are Idiots, and I married their King!"
" ork is for people who don't know how to fish"
" omen who seek to be equal to men lack ambition."
" ottery: A tax on people who are bad at math."

by jan-man@oocities.com

There are three ways to get something done:

1) do it yourself

2) hire someone to do it

3) forbid your kids to do it

The Padre and hisLost Bike

A padre lost his bicycle. He was very distraught and consulted a friend about what to do.
"It must be a member of your congregation who took it," said his friend. "Next Sunday after your sermon, read out the ten commandments. When you come to 'thou shalt not steal', pause and take a good look at the congregation. The one who stole it will look guilty and you will be able to spot him."
The following Sunday the friend asked the padre if he had found his bicycle.
"Yes, indeed," replied the padre, "its back with me."
"So you followed my advice and found the guilty man?"
"In a way," replied the padre. "When I came to 'thou shalt not commit adultery', I suddenly recalled where I had left it."

Loose Stocking

An old, real puzzled gentleman tried to be helpful to a stoutly-build woman warning her in a low voice:" Care Madam, your stocking are loose" But he was much more puzzled to her replay:" May you be damned, I have none!!!"

Dave Barry On College

College is basically a bunch of rooms where you sit for roughly two thousand hours and try to memorize things.

The two thousand hours are spread out over four years; you spend the rest of the time sleeping and trying to get dates.
Basically, you learn two kinds of things in college:
1. Things you will need to know in later life (two hours).
2. Things you will not need to know in later life (1,998 hours).
These are the things you learn in classes whose names end in -ology, -osophy, -istry, -ics, and so on. The idea is, you memorize these things, then write them down in little exam books, then forget them.

If you fail to forget them, you become a professor and have to stay in college for the rest of your life!!

Dictionary

the only place where:

1. divorce comes before marriage
2. success comes before work

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Four Catholic ladies were having coffee.
The first woman tells her friends " My son is a priest. When he walks into a room, everyone calls him 'Father'."
The second woman chirps, " My son is a bishop. Whenever he walks into a room, the people call him 'Your Grace'."
This third Catholic crone says, " My son is a cardinal. Whenever he walks into a room, people say 'Your Eminence'."
Since the fourth woman sips her coffee in silence, the first three women give her this subtle " Well...?"
And she said " My son is a gorgeous, 6' 2" hard bodied stripper.

Submitted by: Robert J. Elkins @ juno.com

A minister gave a talk to the Lions Club on sex.
When he got home, he couldn't tell his wife that he had spoken on sex, so he said he had discussed horseback riding with the members.
A few days later, she ran into some men at the shopping center and they complimented her on the speech her husband had made.
She said, "Yes, I heard. I was surprised about the subject matter, as he's only tried it twice. The first time he got so sore he could hardly walk, and the second time he fell off."

Submitted by: Chez @hotmail.com

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to be continued ... Your contribute is welcome.You can send me your jokes by

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This Home Page was created Sunday 23 June 1996
Most recent revision Thursday 4 April 2002

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