| "You see, you see? That can't be accidental!
They have a contest, for Mother of the Year, breast-feeding, diaper-changing,
they time them, casserole competitions, ja -- then,
toward the end, they actually begin to use the children. The
State Prosecutor comes out on stage. 'In a moment, Albrecht, we are
going to bring your mother on. Here is a Luger, fully loaded.
The State will guarantee you absolute immunity from prosecution.
Do whatever you wish to do -- anything at all. Good luck, my boy.'
The pistols are loaded with blanks, natürlich, but the unfortunate
child does not know this. Only the mother who get shot at qualify for the
finals. Here they bring in psychiatrists, and judges sit with stopwatches
to see how quickly the children will crack. 'Now then, Olga, wasn't
it nice of Mutti to break up your affair with that long-haired poet?'
'We understand your mother and you are, ah, quite close, Hermann.
Remember the time she caught you masturbating into her glove? Eh?"
Hospital attendants stand by to drag the children off, drooling,
screaming, having clonic convulsions. Finally there is only one Mother
left on stage. They put the traditional flowered hat on her head,
and hand her the orb and scepter, which in this case are a gilded pot roast
and a whip, and the orchestra plays Tristan und Isolde." |