By Chris MastNo, I'm all right. Yeah, I'm fine Gabriele. No, I'm glad your here. No, they didn't even talk to me today, all they do is give me looks in the hall like as if I'm some sort of lab rat. No, they don't even know me, but I see they make accusations at me in their faces. Your the only one who is unassuming, Gabriele. Your the only one who ever was, ever since you came. Never said no, or I hate you or anything like that... what? Yeah, I'm going to do it. But I really don't want to, all that pain...
***Sarah walked into her ides class, peering through the crowd of laughing and sleepy people until she saw who she was looking for. She made her way down the aisles to her desk, but never said hi to any of the numerous people who turned to talk to her. She walked back to the far corner, where the same silent, dark-haired kid sat every day. Even though she was one of the most likable girls in school, Sarah had always been curious about this one person, this enigma in the far corner.
The kid raised his head, blinking recognition and grunting a semi-audible "hello." Sarah smiled at him, and sat in one of the numerous open seats around him. Creative Ideas class, or ides as the students called it, was considered more or less a liberal class. Students could sit anywhere they wanted to every day, but there were always one seat taken by this same silent kid every day. He had never tried to make friends, never even seemed to want to, so Sarah had taken the initiative and introduced herself.
Chris, you know I don't like it when you talk to that witch. You are to pay attention to only me, I thought we agreed on that. We agreed on acceptance, right? That's what you wanted, and I gave it to you, without all the looks and needless questioning others gave you. I alone offered a hand to you when no one else would. Now you must repay me, in any way I say to, Chris. You must give me all...
*** It had taken the better half of two weeks to finally get the kid's name, and sometimes he just laid his head on his arms and slept. Sarah had always tried to start conversation, but often times she was just ignored, and when she wasn't, a quick no to her questions would be the reply. Enoch wasn't like any boy she had ever met, it was almost like he didn't want to have anybody be his friend, like as if he had all he needed right in his own head.
Her friends wondered why she had taken to this loner, why she had even bothered to talk to him when he never returned the favor. She didn't know, frankly, but in some obscure way it seemed he wanted her around. Maybe it was the way he never really rejected her, never pushed her away in the slightest. But he never really talked, ever. Enoch Christopher James was a mystery, to say the least.
Gabriele, I like her. She came to me when no one else would... Gabriele, call me Enoch, not Chris... I know I'm the Christ Bearer...NO! Don't leave me Gabriele...please. All right, call me whatever you want, just don't leave...Don't call her a witch, Gabriele. No... I'm not going to tell her to go, Gabriele. Gabriele...
Gabriele...o my god...come back...
*** "So how's our little nomad doing, Sarah?"
"That's not funny, Trey. I don't know how he's doing, frankly. He never opens up," Sarah explained hopelessly.
"I know you've been asked this before, but why are you even trying to be friends with him? He's never fit in ever since he came here. Something must have happened since the third grade." Trey looked right into Sarah's concerned eyes, eyes that were usually bright with excitement.
"That's right! He was here in third grade! I remember he used to always be the best at hide and go seek, we never could find him...no matter how hard we tried. Do you remember that one time he was gone until the very end of recess?"
"Yeah, he was really, really good at hiding. It was almost like he entered another world and didn't come out until he wanted to. But he wasn't reclusive like he is now-- what happened in between then and now?"
Sarah shrugged. "Almost anything could have. Now I know why I have this feeling like I've seen him before. Maybe I'll just remind him about that."
Sarah turned to go, but a hand on her shoulder stopped her. She swiveled on one foot and was confronted by a look that surprised her coming from Trey. Her attention seemed focused on him, an unusual urgency that seemed to communicate itself through Trey's expression.
"Watch out for him, Sarah. Maybe... maybe it's just me, but every time I look at him he looks me in the eyes. It doesn't seem like it's just him looking at me. It's like someone else entirely..."
"He looks you in the eyes? He has never looked me in the eyes, or at my face for very long. It's like he doesn't want to for fear of what'll happen."
"What do you think will happen?"
"I don't know, Trey. And I'm scared to find out."
Don't force me to leave again, Chris. You know that I can't stay with you if you defy me. I will leave you alone if you tell me you will not do what I want you to. Stop, Christ Bearer...you will bear the cross of your god and you will do so without question or you will not have a god to bear a cross for.... good. Do you remember what you have to do? Good...
*** Three weeks had passed, and Sarah had gotten to know Enoch a little better. A little better in the sense that he talked a little more about himself, but he still didn't reveal very much about himself.
It was almost like, Sarah thought, he couldn't. Like he didn't want to for fear of losing something.
He had gotten more reclusive out of ides class, too. Normally Sarah could see him walking home, and more than once had offered him a ride home. He always refused before, but now when Sarah drove home, she didn't see him at all. He was always at school, every day, but it was like he disappeared when the final bell rang.
Sarah remembered the one time she had seen him outside of school, sitting next to a tree, picking up fallen leaves and watching them fall, as if passing the time waiting for someone to come.
She had walked over to him and said hi, and for the first time since she had seen him, he seemed happy....whole. Like as if a terrible weight had been lifted off his shoulders for a little while.
"Oh...hi. What are you doing out on a day like this?"
"Just sort of walking around, wasting time. What are you doing?"
"...Nothing... Just wasting time, like you are."
"Well, this is the most words you've said to me since I started talking to you. How come your so reclusive?"
Sarah still remembered the look of "don't ask me that" that screamed from his eyes. It scared her. But all he did after that was lower his head, avoiding her gaze. It was many minutes before he talked again. The words were still burned as clear as day in Sarah's mind.
"...Sarah. Have you ever been...a..alone?"
"Well, yeah. I get lonely sometimes. Doesn't everyone?"
"No, I mean alone. Not even having a single warm thought inside your head..."
"...What do you mean?...Even when I'm alone I usually can keep myself company...don't you?"
"...You mean you've never been totally alone? Without anything?"
"...This doesn't have anything to do about me does it, Enoch? Is that why your so reclusive, because your so alone you can't reach out to anyone?"
The fear that gripped Sarah later as she pondered his next words still made her shiver.
"...If you were so alone...that nothing seemed to help... and something came along and...finally offered you safety... would you embrace it...totally?"
"If I was so alone, I think I would reach out, not wait for someone to come to me..." Sarah swung around, finally coming down to what she thought was the root of the problem. "Are you that alo--"
But he was gone.
Yes... I didn't tell her anything Gabriele. She only asked what I was doing and I told her wasting time-- why didn't you show up earlier, Gabriele? You told me to wait for you, and then you didn't come. I need you, Gabriele. I can't be alone again. Never,again. Never...
*** Sarah walked up to the small house, rapped on the door knocker and waited. A small meek old woman opened the door, she wore a look of weary worry on her face.
"Yes?"
"Does Enoch James live here, maam?"
"Yes...he does. Why? Have you seen him? Is he in trouble?"
"No maam, are you his foster mother?"
"No child. I'm his grandmother. Why are you asking? Who are you?"
"I'm just a concerned friend...may I come in?"
"Yes child, have you seen him?..."
Chris, you must do what we talked about. You must bear the cross of your god...That is the only way you can pay for what the others have taken from you, the looks, the rejection, the touches...you must pay for that Christ Bearer, for they haven't and aren't going to...
"What is Enoch like? Does he ever talk much?"
"No, not really. Not anymore."
"Since what?"
"I... I guess it was about 6 months ago. When he stopped talking I mean..."
"What made him stop?"
"I don't know. All I can really remember, child, is that he ran out of the house, didn't come back until late the next night. I stayed up for him, worried sick, but when he came home he didn't say anything. Looked at me like as if he didn't know me, and stayed in his room for a long time."
"Did something happen to make him run out of the room?"
"...I don't know, I'll tell you that he had gotten a letter, no return address, he went into his room and read it, and then came out and into the rampage that I just described."
"Do you know what the letter was about?"
No, child. He never showed me. Maybe you can find it in his room. Down the hall. Opposite the hall closet."
Why Gabriele? I know that I have to do it. But you never told me why...no, don't go. I can't do it without you. How will it fix anything? I don't see how this will pay all those haters and preverts...NO!....stay...please...yes, I'll do it. I can't be alone again...I don't care why anymore Gabriele...just don't leave...
The cluttered mess what about what Sarah had expected, but she hadn't expected the broken glass spread over the floor. The room was a mess, with drawers thrown open and clothes spread around, almost as if somebody had ransacked and robbed the place. She looked over a desk for many minutes, but didn't find anything. She looked in the closet, found nothing more in there. She was about to give up...
Creek... the floor board gave way slightly. It was loose.
Sarah lifted up the rug that covered in and lifted up the floor board. Inside the small hole it was dark, but she could see a small nondescript shoe box that filled the space.
Sarah took it out, carefully lifting the lid.
Bingo.
Inside were broken frames, shattered pictures of what she assumed were his deceased parents. A picture of a woman who had adopted him, taken him in as her own, given him a home. A small torn letter, this must be it. Sarah took it out carefully and read it, carefully saying the words to herself to see what had caused Enoch to go into his self imposed exile.
And she cried. How terrible the letter was. It was an evil thing, telling Enoch how his father was alive-and wanted to "see" him again. Then he described the "seeing"in words that made Sarah gasp. Enoch couldn't take being alone again. His mother had died, and his father had ran off, the newspaper clippings had told Sarah so. He had to be a paulbearer at their funeral, there wasn't enough money to afford a decent funeral. The family pictures told enough, they were torn in pieces. Sarah shuddered to think what he had to have gone through with that man...no wonder he ran out of the house screaming.
Then Sarah searched below the surface, and came across something dark and foreboding. Letters, written to some man called Gabriele, but there were letters written back to Enoch in the same handwriting. Sarah looked at the handwriting, both letters were written by Enoch, but one differed totally from the other in vocabulary and manner. One was pleading, the other forceful, commanding. One was reaching out, calling for help, the other was demanding, manipulating.
Enoch had been invaded, Sarah surmised. Dual entities, one demanding from the other a price to high to pay...
She saw the picture of him as a child, torn apart and unwanted beneath the letters. Enoch was going to be hurt again, torn apart like the letter and the pictures, and he had split to keep it from happening again. Then she saw the newest letters, demanding a price to be paid.
Today.
It will make it all go away, Chris. All of it. The touches, the looks, the hatred, it will make it all go away. Yes, it will end all of it...Have I been wrong before....Yes. Now, before the demon comes back...before he gets a hold again...
"Enoch! Stop!!"
Enoch started, looking over his shoulder with animalistic eyes. It was only after frantic seconds that recognition flashed in those same pupils.
"Sarah, get away! Now!!"
Sarah took a step toward Enoch, and he stepped back one, she gasped and stopped. A fall from this height would surely kill him.
"Enoch, what are you doing? Are you crazy?"
A smile flashed over his face, but the mannerisms changed. It was somebody different. Totally different.
"Crazy is better than alone for Christopher, witch. Get away and let it all end."
Sarah cried out, knowing now that this was far more serious than she thought it would be. Gabriele was in control now... and Enoch was listening to him.
"Gabriele, is that your name, Gabriele? Listen, Enoch doesn't have to end his life to end it all. There is help."
Fear flashed in the eyes. "No, there is not, girl. There is no help, no escape from the demon. He will come and catch little Christopher, and it will start all over again."
"No, he won't. We can hide you Enoch. Listen to me! You can hide better than when we used to play hide and seek. Do you remember that, Enoch? We never could find you, you weren't hiding from your father, weren't you?"
A facial expression change. It was Enoch, desperate and alone. "He can't be hid from! Don't you see? He will always find me, under the bed or the covers or in the closet!! I can't hide from him!"
"...Listen to me Enoch, not you Gabriele. You stay out of this...have I been your friend?" Things were getting bad. The fear in Enoch's eyes was reaching a peak...
"...Yes...you have..."
"And didn't I always come and treat you like a friend, even when other people just laughed and talked? C'mon Enoch, didn't I?"
"...Yes..." The fear in Enoch's eyes subsided, a slight bit, but it subsided.
"Now, do you trust me to protect you? I can...I will..." Sarah held out her hand...slowly...
"No! No one can protect me. I will always be alone, always." Enoch turned around, and tensed, and ended everything.
It was funny how time always slowed down when you were about to die. Things always appeared in greater detail when the end was near. The trees and the animals in them, the sky with it's numerous clouds...everything falling to meet him. He was falling, falling...ending it all--
--and was stopped by the only caring hand that ever bothered to protect him. To shield him a little from the pain.
Sarah screamed as the strain felt like it was going to tear her arm off. She stopped at the very edge, grasping on to Enoch's hand as if her own life was held in the balance as well. She looked down and saw hatred in the eyes of Enoch's face. Gabriele.
"Let go witch. Or I will. Let Christopher fall, he has to bear the cross, pay what others did to him..."
"NOO!!! Listen to me Enoch, not Gabriele but Enoch! You have to live, if nothing else than for me!!" Her arm was on fire. She couldn't hold on forever. If Enoch was going to be saved, it would have to be by Enoch himself.
Eyes soft replied to him. "I can't Sarah. Don't you see. I can't face it again. He will keep on coming back and back, and I'll be alone again..."
"But your not now, Enoch! AAh!! Don't you see? You have to live to hide, and I will help you. I...promise."
"He can't hear you, girl. Enoch is going to be safe now. For once and all time...."
Slipping, Sarah closed her eyes and screamed as her arm exploded in pain...
and then subsided as Enoch's other arm grabbed onto the edge and he pulled himself up. Enoch had chosen life after all. A life, that for all the pain and rejection it had felt, had chosen life and whatever challenges it held. For better or for worse. Enoch would get help, Gabriele would be eased back into Enoch, a darker part of a dark past. Enoch and Gabriele had dueled, and Enoch had won.
Enoch turned around and looked into the eyes of Sarah, eyes as overflowing with love as they were with tears.
"Let's go home, Enoch. The dual is over."