Hmmm... What to do today?
Jan. 1 - Today, tell all your friends that your New Year's resoulution is to stop luring people your know closer to you just so you can murder them.
Jan. 2 - Walk around looking through a glass of water and pretend you're insane.
Jan. 3 - Make a sports team and call them the Learning Unlimited Griffins.
Jan. 4 - Plug yourself in today.
Jan. 5 - Talk to your household appliances today just to see how they'll react.
Jan. 6 - Ask everyone you meet today if they are the Neon Chicken.
Jan. 7 - Play Russian Roulette with your computer. Close your eyes, and drag a random file into the trash. It adds a bit of spice to your otherwise dull life.
Jan. 8 - Today, give your pet a disk. If it sniffs at it revere your pet as a god and worship, pamper and start a religion for your pet. If it doesn't, shoot it.
Jan. 9 - Pretend you're an ornament and hang from trees. If anyone asks you what you're doing, reply that you're pretending you are a monkey. Then laugh at their ignorance.
Jan. 10 - Become a superhero and make yourself a neato costume. Then go to downtown and rescue people from their cars. If they resist, tell them it's for their own good.
Jan. 11 - Find a friend, and on their birthday, blindfold them and tell himm that you'll give them a big surprise. Then go out to the street and sell him.
Jan. 12 - Today, go around telling people it's the 13th and laugh at the hysterically when they correct you.
Jan. 13 - Go up on a high building and drop modems on the people below. If you hit one, give yourself 10 points.
Jan. 14 - Go to every newsgroup you know of and tell them there's a security flaw in Netscape if you go to a small server. Tell them the server name and tomorrow watch it explode.
Jan. 15 - Today, conjure things from thin air.
Jan. 16 - You too can be a pro wrestler. Start hitting people with folding chairs today!
Jan. 17 - Talk in Blind Melon lyrics today.
Jan. 18 - Name people colors today.
Jan. 19 - If someone asks you your name today, say "Oh. You're one of them, are you?"
Jan. 20 - See how far you can throw a piece of paper today.
Jan. 21 - Name all the pillows in your home today.
Jan. 22 - Find someone who speaks Spanish, and start talking to them in Italian. When they look at you puzzled or correct you, say "Yeah, you heard me all right."
Jan. 23 - Create your own Friends rip-off sitcom today. Everybody's doing it!
Jan. 24 - Today, remind everyone that they are mortal.
Jan. 25 - Tell random people on the street that one month ago was Christmas, the day in which the otters will rise from their worldly shackles and control you all. Then follow them for the rest of the day.
Jan. 26 - Be a cord today.
Jan. 27 - Today, paint everything you believe in green
Jan. 28 - Mourn the death of Calvin and Hobbes today. Don't think about the losses of The Far Side and Bloom County, for that's too much sorrow to handle. Rip your comics section into shreds and bury it in cedar chips.
Jan. 29 - Tell everyone that the end of the month is near today.
February did not exist. I don't remember it, do you?
Mar. 1 - Let it snow today.
Mar. 2 - Beanbag chairs really can talk, they're just too mistreated to want to. Today, don't sit on your beanbag chair, just give him a refill of beans, some tea, and maybe some crumpets too. Then sit down. (In another chair) and have a nice chat.
Mar. 3 - Read Peanuts today. I don't get it. It doesn't make any sense at all.
Mar. 4 - March 4th today
Mar. 5 - Today, be like the government. It's easy, just censor the world's largest supplier of independent thought and information.
Mar. 6 - Tell everyone today that you are the keeper of the bronze nickel. Tell them "Oh, they tried to take it from me, yes they did, but I showed them now, didn't I... Oh yes, showed them I did..."
Mar. 7 - Go the wrong way on a two-way street today.
Mar. 8 - Today, go into a crowded elevator and play "Name that tune" to Muzak.
Mar. 9 - Yell "Duck" in a crowded area and throw one out.
Mar. 10 - Today, do something humorous somewhere crowded.
Mar. 11 - Today, shower me with gifts, praise, and riches. (Hey, it's worth a try)
Mar. 12 - Lip-synch everything you say today.
Mar. 13 - Today have a short attention span and chew mail pouches.
Mar. 14 - Today, try and get the joke in yesterday's advice.
Mar. 15 - Fly today. All you need to do is think happy thoughts.
Mar. 16 - Today complain about how negative everyone is nowadays.
Mar. 17 - Laugh today.
Mar. 18 - Today, teach your dog to talk.
Mar. 19 - Give yourself an "A" for effort today.
Mar. 20 - Today be open 24 hours a day, seven days a week.
Mar. 21 - Do-a-ditty-ditty-dum-ditty-do-today.
Mar. 22 - Get out of my dreams, and get into my car today.
Mar. 23 - Today, wear spam. Not a Spam shirt, just Spam.
April 1 - Play an April fool's joke on yourself
April 2 - Run the rat race Today - Watch out - the other competiors bite!
April 3 - Today, beat the clock. Try a baseball bat first
April 4 - Trust metal objects through body parts today. It's the latest fad - something called wearing earrings...
April 5 - Start your own country today.
April 6 - Take a journey to the center of the Earth.
April 7 - Picture yourself on a boat in a river today. But remember to wear a lifejacket!
April 8 - Commit a thoughtcrime today.
April 9 - Take a trip back to your school days - Do section review 1-12 on page 351.
April 10 - Have a mental block today. I've got one, as you can tell.
April 11 - Don't rock the jukebox.
April 12 - Babble incoherently today - It's fun for the whole family!
April 13 - Assess 4 points to your driving record today. It's not quite as fun as DUI.
April 14 - Form a grandfalloon today.
April 15 - Rope you some fillies today.
April 16 - Rename some states today. What sort of name is Utah, anyway?
April 17 - Speak Azerbaijani today. For that matter, just move to Azerbaijan.
April 18 - Fool the guesser today.
April 19 - Don't jump off a really high bridge. It might hurt.
April 20 - Pillow people have pillow brains, so don't ask them for advice.
April 21 - Don't think you're Jimmy Stewart. You aren't.
April 22 - Touch your hair if it offends you.
April 23 - Never wear white socks with sandals. No matter how many people do it, it's still dorky.
April 24 - Sing a song of sixpence today.
April 25 - Don't go out in a thunderstorm and hold a long metal rod up. The rod might fall on you.
April 26 - Yetis are extreme savage if left in a bookbag for 36 weeks, so don't try and eat one.
April 27 - Become rich and famous today. You've waited long enough!
April 28 - Never start a rumor about yourself. A lot of people may believe it.
April 29 - See if you can get pigs to fly. Just think of all the things that would happen if you succeeded!