After school I took him in my car for a day of fun in the theme park.
We rode the electric ballerina, ate tons of cotton candies, drank raspberry juice that I brought from home, we had a lot of fun together.
Later on, in the afternoon, we went to drink milkshakes in a cafe.
I had ordered a vanilla shake, he ordered a banana shake and we both sat comfortably, tired from our busy day.
Suddenly, when I glanced at the table from our left and saw the two guys I shouted at him: "Udi, don't look!" and even covered his eyes with my palm. But he had already seen.
And he asked me with his little voice, he was only 6 then, "daddy, why are these two men kissing?"

*
Now he was a man himself, and he informed his mother and I that he has a boyfriend.
We gazed at him bewildered and he spitted out the words: "I'm gay".
After Dita calmed down and the panic level decreased temporarily he told us that he's been living for 2 months in the apartment we (!) had helped him to rent with some guy named Oren, and that they love each other very much and that he hopes that we're happy for him.

*
Dita took it very hard, but the truth is that even though I looked calm I was on the verge of a nervous break down.
For a whole week I dreamt every single night about the day of fun we had when he was little and about the ugly ending with the kissing guys and our sweaty run to the car.
I took a some days off from work, told the boss I had mumps, and stayed home with Dita.
We talked a lot about it, about what's going to be, about our younger child Dani and how he dealt with it. We even considered grandma Zipora's suggestion - she was willing to pay for a psychiatric treatment
for Udi, to get him to be normal again.
"What did we do wrong? What caused all this?" she was mumbling all the time, sobbing.
"Dita, we were perfectly okay, it's not our fault, we gave the children everything we could".
"That's exactly the problem, maybe we let them have too much freedom, maybe we were too liberal" She said.
"Oh Dita, it's probably just a simple problem in the genes, you don't have to blame yourself".
When I was serving in the army they always used to mock me and say that I had a sissy's voice, my wife on the other hand was always the dominant one, "the man in the house", at least until 5 years ago, when she found out about my affair with Rina. And then we talked about
everything that hurt us, among them this subject.
I convinced her eventually that the fault is biological and so we turned down grandma Zipora's suggestion.

*
Dani's girlfriend started to show up in the house almost every day, and every time she came Dita had made her delicious vegetarian food like she loves: buckwheat and pesto sauce and pasta and we would even leave the house for a couple of hours so they could be alone, and we didn't even care about the stains on our bed, we did everything so that at least one of our sons will turn out normal.
And it's not like we always loved her, previously Dita didn't even try to hide her contempt towards her.

*
When Dani was in the eight grade the school counselor invited us for a talk, she told us that the principal caught him masturbating with some other boys in the bathroom.
She asked us if we provide the child with enough information about sex because the school doesn't have enough budget for sex education and all she is able to do is to arrange monthly lessons.
We calmed her down and told her that the child has the newest edition of the sex guide for teenagers.
They moved him to another class on the next day.

*
The pain was dissolving me and I couldn't concentrate on my work, my Valium supply was running out in a frightening pace.
Dita, on the other hand, got ovssesive cleaning attacks and she used to scrape the whole house 3 times a day and even the Lithium couldn't help her.
We would have preferred him converting into a Muslim.
Only Dani was content, he was screwing his girlfriend all the time, while we were hearing everything and sighing in relief.

*
Anyway, Udi didn't come to visit the house until that weekend when we invited him and his boyfriend to come for a visit.
It was the family's counselor idea, he said that this might put an end to our fears and our discomfort. We courageously agreed to the suggestion.

*
They were sitting next to each other in the dinner table and once in a while Udi would fondle his boyfriend's hair.
I was wondering while I was eating an eggplant who was the active one.
On one hand it was hard to believe that Oren was the passive one, the guy was fragile and skinny, one fuck from the rear and he would be cracking up.
On the other hand Udi was a strong guy, an excellent soldier with a dominant character like his mother. It was hard to believe that he would
let someone shove something up his ass.
I almost choked from these thoughts so I left the half eaten food and went to watch a TV talk show with a host that looked fabulous according to Oren.

*
His mother handled the situation bravely, didn't burst into tears and even managed to cope with the descriptions oh how their adopted child would call them both daddy. She almost didn't clean hand prints from the living room table.
Dani didn't spend the evening with us, he was in his room with his girlfriend, experimenting on her.

*
I, as oppose to Dita, was going to burst, not from anger but from shame. I am really an open minded person but only until it comes to my home.
It's not so nice to see your son exchanging wet kisses with his fragile boyfriend.
Anyway, they slept in different rooms that night. At least that.

*
Only that the next day I caught them while they were doing it in the shower. The question about who's the active one was solved and I led them, covered with foam, outside the house.
"You little stupid faggot, get out of my house and don't dare to show your shit covered face in this neighborhood" I shouted.
I pushed him across the stairs, letting out all the anger and guilt that were built up inside.
"Calm down!" my wife screamed.
But I didn't hear a thing, I didn't care about anything, I only wanted that leprous out of my territory.

*
Udi was always our favorite son. We always believed that was going to be the successful one.
The counselor told us all that.
And now we have to deal with the reality.
And I should apologize.
I should visit them, apologize and bring a gift.
"I rather shoot myself in the face" I told him.
And besides, what kind of gift can you give to a homosexual couple?
An anal vibrator? A pack of extra thick condoms?

*
I wondered many times if the sight of the two men kissing didn't burn into his mind and caused some sort of an effect on his personality.
I should have taken him to the shooting range like I planned in the first place, maybe then we wouldn't have to deal with all this suffering.

*
After all the reflections of Dita's crying in the living room floor and the promises that if I wouldn't do something he would never come back, I
drove to his apartment.
It was actually not far from that cafe we were in when he was in the first grade, and I got sick again like I was then on the electric ballerina.
He opened the door, wearing black silk robe. "Daddy, what a surprise!".
He adopted that stupid intonation, I noted to myself.
His dumb boyfriend got out of the bedroom, "who is it darling?" he asked and then saw me and got quickly back inside.
I threw the pink nylon bag from the sex shop on the sofa and pressed the gun to my nose. I could smell the lead and feel the coldness of the metallic barrel.