Bus bunglers
Guatemala - two armed bandits on the lookout for easy prey lay in wait for a passing bus
recently in the Guatemalan countryside. The thieves, convinced that the oncoming bus
contained wealthy tourists, lay their car across the road to obstruct it's path. However
when the raiders boarded the bus they found it to contain 40 armed policemen being
transferred to another post. The policemen politely informed the bandits of their mistake,
and gently escorted to the nearest prison cell.
- EUROPA TIMES March 1994
Origin of the term "debug"
During W.W.II, the war department was using the Mark I computer, your basic monstrous
machine that gobbled up electricity and radiated a huge amount of heat. The machine was
used for targeting, trajectory and fuel consumption calculations. Since these were the
days before air conditioning, the machine was run mostly at night. The machine was made of
up a lot of mechanical flip-flops (one of the primary gates in any computer). One night
the computer failed to function and it was found that a moth had given up the ghost when
caught by one of the flip-flop contacts. It is not hard to imagine, that the running joke
was something to do with whether or not someone had "debugged" the machine
lately. The rest is history or frustration or something.
What's the difference between Thanksgiving and Election Day?
On Thanksgiving you get a turkey for a day, on Election Day you get a turkey for four
years.
What's the difference between the white house and a hoover vaccum cleaner?
A hoover only has one dirt bag in it!!!!!
Good news is Clinton is going to build a bridge to the future; Bad news is that Ted Kennedy is driving!
A politician awoke in a hospital bed after a complicated operation, and found that the curtains were drawn around him. "Why are the curtains closed," he said. "Is it night?"
A nurse replied, "No, it is just that there is a fire across the street, and we didn't want you waking up and thinking that the operation was unsuccessful."
Only in America...can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.
Only in America...are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.
Only in America...do people order double cheese burgers, a large fry, and a diet coke.
Only in America...do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.
Only in America...do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and leave
useless things and junk in boxes in the garage.
Only in America...do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting
so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.
Only in America...do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of
eight.
Only in America...do we use the word "politics" to describe the process so well:
"Poli" in Latin meaning "many" and "tics" meaning
"bloodsucking creatures".
"The trouble with political jokes is
that the dumbest one of them gets elected President..."
TWO ETHICAL QUESTIONS
Q1: If you knew a woman who was
pregnant, who had 8
kids already, three who were deaf, two
who were blind, one
mentally retarded, and she had syphilis;
would you recommend
that she have an abortion?
Q2: It is time to elect the world
leader, and your vote counts.
Here are the facts about the three
leading candidates:
Candidate A
Associates with crooked politicians, and
consults with
astrologers. He's had two mistresses. He
also chain smokes and
drinks 8 to 10 martinis a day.
Candidate B
He was kicked out of office twice,
sleeps until noon, used
opium
in college and drinks a quart of whisky
every evening.
Candidate C
He is a decorated war hero. He's a
vegetarian, doesn't
smoke, drinks an occasional beer and
hasn't had any
extramarital affairs. Which of these
candidates would be your
choice?
Decide first, no peeking, then scroll
down for the
answer.
Candidate A is Franklin D. Roosevelt
Candidate B is Winston Churchill
Candidate C is Adolph Hitler
And by the way:
Answer to the abortion question - if
you said yes, you just
killed Beethoven.
All the jokes on this web site were sent to me by net friends. My e-mail is full each day, as they know I enjoy the political jokes.I hope you enjoyed them too.