He laughed.
Through the whole thing.
His tears of joy made me laugh too.
I tried to control the giggle
That bubbled up inside of me -
Then the soap sank.
She came into my life during someone else's love
And she touched my heart with such completeness
That I knew I'd never be the same.
Unaware of how she truly effects me
And probably unsure of how I fit into her life,
Our union is solid.
Though only aunt and niece -
We are connected by choice,
As well as by love,
And I for one -
Thank God everyday for her presence in my life.
In my mother's arms anything was possible.
The sky was bluer and the stars were brighter.
There was always a gentle security within those arms,
That at any moment would wind around me
Encircling me in such an unconditional love, that-
I knew nothing on God's earth could penetrate.
I was accepted for who I was, nothing more or less.
Sanctuary was my mother's arms.
It didn't matter how old either of us were
Or who else was around.
In my mother's arms I always found
Unconditional sanctuary.
Unconditional love.
I have felt you move
Inside of your mother,
And I already love you.
You are a gift from a very loving God,
Not only for your parents -
But for me.
I won't be a part of your everyday world,
In your life I'll be just another aunt.
I'll be there, always if you need me.
My love will be thick and with no seams,
And as the other two know -
My love is always unconditional.
(for my mom)
Will I know your voice -
Recognize your arms as they encircle me.
Will your laughter bring a flood of memories to my heart -
The reminiscence of your scent still washes over me
No matter what I'm doing,
And my soul becomes paralyzed by your memory that continues to linger in my heart.
Will you still love me -
In that unconditional way that made me feel so safe.
Will all the lonely years without you vanish
When I keep my appointment -
And meet you in heaven?
(9-10-1992)
When my mother died last year
I felt as if a part of me died too.
Then - as if God knew how I felt
Out of the wisps of clouds that hung over my head
Came what appeared to be fingerprints
Feathery styled streaks of clouds angled toward the tree tops
Delicately, yet boldly, they made their statement
As they caressed the branches that at one time held leaves,
And now laid unprotected to whatever happened.
Together -
The clouded fingerprints began to thread in
And around the branches.
Almost as if to comfort and protect them.
It was then at that moment that I too,
Felt comforted and protected from whatever would happen by.
God had created everything and even though
Mom was back with Him - I wouldn't be forgotten.
(Great Aunt Ellen Perry)
I was wandering.
Afraid of being hurt by anyone and my memories.
Then trying to erase both,
I with-drew.
Not just from the past,
But from what was almost at my door -
You.
When you arrived,
The walls of hurt memories I had built
Were fresh and strong.
But you sensed my need to be.
My wanting to run and feel again.
You saw my need to be loved.
So you, with great gentleness began to
seep through my walls.
You saw me with only love and understanding in your eyes
Which made it much easier for me to let you in.
I was afraid my confused, hurt walls of memories
That I let envelope me, would scare you off.
You stayed.
But not in vain,
For, because of you
I
With new hope and love,
Removed my own walls.
It didn't matter if I never understood algebra,
Or danced Swan Lake,
If my cooking was only eatable every once in awhile
And that my looks would never stop traffic,
It didn't matter to them.
What did matter
Was that my honesty happened to out weigh my income,
That I valued family and friendship more than being popular and famous.
It mattered to them
That my decisions, values, hopes and dreams
Centered around God.
As I look back at our relationship
My heart is filled with memories,
Loving, tender and unconditional love-
Engulfs me,
And I realize, that who I am -
The principles I stand on and live my life by
Were helped formed by them.
As I look back
I am comforted to know that to them,
I mattered always.
