This page is devoted to humour, opinions, and
suggestions from visitors to my home page. I will
attempt to include all of the ideas I come across in the
Guestbook. so if you have any suggestions, feel free to add
them. I'm also contemplating a "Best of~" list made up of the
funniest jokes put down under "comments", so let em rip, ok?

~Jokes~
*The following material does not necessarily reflect the
opinions of the owner of this page, etc., etc.*

Q) What's the difference between a bar and a clitoris?
A) Most men can always find a bar.

Q) What's the definition of The Bermuda Triangle?
A) The Husband, The Wife, and The Girlfriend.

~credit: John Butterworth

Q) What do you call an Olympic swimmer with no arms or legs?
A) Clever dick.
~credit: Zoe.

Q) What did the hippie say to J.F.K. right before he got shot?
A) Haaaayyyyy, maaaannn! Looooook OOOOUUUT!

=====================================
Ladies and gentlemen, I stand before you to stand behind you to
tell you something I know nothing about. Thursday, which is
Good Friday, we're having a Father's Day party for mother's only.
Admission is free, pay at the door, pull out a chair and sit on
the floor.
Late one night in the middle of the day, two dead soldiers got
up to fight. Back to back they faced each other, pulled out
their swords and shot one another. A deaf policeman heard the
noise, got up and shot the twice dead boys. If you don't believe
me, ask the blind man who saw it all, through a knothole in a
wooden brick wall.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~Lyrics~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
--------------
"Sun Is Shining" - Bob Marley and The Wailers
--------------
Sun is shining, the weather is sweet.
Make you want to move, your dancing feet.
To the rescue, here I am!
Want you to know, yall, where I stand.
We got to give Jah thanks and praises...
Ya got to give Jah thanks and praises!

-----------
"The Banquet" - Eddie Minnis w/ steel drum band* (Bahamas)
-----------
I went to a banquet, in Paradise;
Everyone dress' elegant, the ballroom fix-up nice.
The meal was served buffet-style, ya never seen sucha spread,
And people from many nations, they lined up to be fed.

Now the Englishman, 'e tek some fish an' chips,
The American grab fried chicken,
And the Hatsie, native dish.
The Frenchman by-pass the food an head straight for the wine,
The German jus' click him heels and fill he plate wit veal.
Then along come a Bahamian, a mountain on de plate;
He act like him never eat before,
An he ain't goina eat no more.
(chorus)
An he had; Five piece of chicken, Macaroni an cheese,
Roast beef, pork chop, rice an' black-eyed peas.
And he had, Q-conch, crack(ed)-conch, conch salad too.
Potato salad an' coleslaw, jus' to name a few.

So when he pass, I ask him, "Say, Omar, is that all?"
"No, I'll be back for seconds, these plates are far too small.

(chorus~And he had...)

People watch in amaxement, at what he eat.
Him belong in de Guinness record book, for such a feat.
But before they could finish, addin' up his score,
He was back in de food line, tryin' to get some more.

The second time, the same a on his dish,
Except for a coupla items, the first time that he missed.

He polish all that off in no seconds flat,
Then a tall order of fruit punch, on top of dat.

Den, "At last," said the Bahamian, "dat meal was outta sight.
All I need now is dessert, an I will be alright."

And he had: Five scoop o ice cream, smothered in whip-cream,
Plain cake, fruit cake, lemon-meringue pie, and he had:
Jam tart, cream tart, coconut tart too,
Potato bread an' cheesecake, jus to name a few.

He drop from exhaustion, and dey pronounce him dead,
An on de tomb stone they placed over his head, They wrote,

"Five piece o chicken, macaroni an cheese,
Roast beef, pork chop, rice and black eyed peas,
Q-conch, crack conch, conch salad too,
Potato salad and coleslaw, just to name a few.
Five scoop o ice cream, smothered in whip-cream,
Plain cake, fruit cake, lemon-meringue pie, and dey wrote:
Jam tart, cream tart, coconut tart too,
Potato bread an' cheesecake, jus to name a few."

Now he ain't goin' to heaven, an he ain't going to hell;
He jus' lies there in de graaaaveyaaaaaard,
He app-e-tite as weeeeell.

*Eddie Minnis and his steel drum band were around before
Bob Marley was born, and attracted quite a crowd at their
shows in the Carribean. They were regarded as one of the
defining influences in Island music flavour before Reggae
really existed. One can still hear their influence in
music today.*
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