What Lies Inside


They say that I lie,
Yet they never search for truth.
If only they knew
The lies I'm forced to tell--
Each time I smile,
I lie,
Hiding the unhappy faces
That live inside.
Every time I laugh,
I lie,
Holding back the many tears
Within my heart.

They look at me
But they only see the golden world.
If only they saw
The broken dreams and shattered hopes--
Each night I sleep,
I dream,
Of all that I can never be,
Of having the golden world.
Every day I wake,
I hope
I'll find someone who cares,
Someone to calm these many fears.

I wish that they could see the lies,
The dreams,
The hopes,
I wish that they could comprehend...
But they will never understand--
They'll never see what lies inside.

3-27-97





Place Unknown


Am I the only one who still is searching
For a time, a place that never leaves me lonely,
A place I knew, but now am only dreaming?

I haven't even time or strength for feeling;
These brutal days are spent in deepest agony,
So hoping for a way to end this searching--

With only pictures, letters, I'm forgetting;
I cannot keep alive the fading memory
Of the place I knew, but now am only dreaming.

I'm struggling with the haunting past but losing;
The thoughts within, they take my life so fiercely
And they cannot be stopped, for I'm still searching.

This emptiness I feel is all consuming,
When what I long to find again is merely
A place unknown to me except in dreaming.

The faces that surround are always smiling,
But I am only bitter, sullen, angry;
I think that I'm the only one still searching
For the place, the time that only lives while dreaming.

5-9-97


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