Cerita Kedaikopi #92-30/07/2002

Alone in a maddening crowd...

" It is very diffuclt to get you these days", lamented my friend." Where have you been hiding?"

" I am around but I am disconnected", I replied ." On top of that , I was busy preparing for my nephew's wedding". In fact, I also need the privacy of time and space to read a few books this month. My late father used to go for meditation at Bukit Marak in Kelantan in the 50's- in one of the caves there. This is his way to be alone from the ordinary mortals and seeked internal peace and blessings from Allah swt. In my case, I dared not venture to any isolated places but I can be alone in a noisy food court(provided no one I know is around)- absorbed  in deep thought while reading a book...

At the end of twentieth century( year 2000) , I loved to be wired to the teeth-with all my gadgets like a mobile phone, notebook and palm PDA. Now in  the second year of  21st century, I honestly feel that I have entangled myself with so many wires( not to mention the wireless tools) that I feel more comfortable without being connected- I feel free to be not connected.But without my communication gadgets, I do also feel naked! This is the paradox. It is similar to celebrities in a way. They, the celebrities worked very hard to be well known and yet when they are successful, they tried all means not to be noticed in public. Sometimes, we want to be noticed and other times we want just to like thin air. We are there but nobody notices us around. Personally, I prefer to be just like thin air; to be where ever I want to be and yet nobody notices or feels my presence.

That reminds me of what my management guru used to tell me of his personal experience. The further you travel in search for knowledge, the more isolated you becomes intellectually and spiritually and the more time you crave to be alone.Now, I realise why there are hermits. Most of the time when I am alone and disconnected, I tried my best to connect to Allah swt and enter the domain of "ehsan".(feeling the presence of Allah swt).

I think everyone of us has our own private spaces.No matter how close I am with my wife,her space is privately hers,similarly with mine. Most of us do not have time( actually we have not alocated time) for ourselves and the results are that we failed to explore that 'little space' and ending not knowing ourselves.

Reading is my vehicle to transport me  into deep thinking and solitude. When I read, I actually engage myself in discourse  with the authors of the books and they really took me to places I never been before.It is a journey of self discovery!

As soon as I read my morning paper everyday, I am bombarded by bad news from the four corners of the world. How do I make sense of it? Sometimes, I quarrel with myself and the only way I know is to get buried under a few books for a few days...

And that won't change the world ,but I change myself in better understanding what the hell is going on in our world to-day.Then I amused myself -just be alone in a maddening crowd...