My friends and I started talking...
 

Having teh tarik among friends is our Malaysian version of French cafe' culture. The topics of the discussion are everything under the sun, including what will happen after death. With some mamak shops being open 24 hours a day, the sun never set on thousands of Malaysians having teh tarik every moment some where in the country.

I am one of those teh tarik aficionados, and lately I am doing more than just talking. If I have the right audience, I will try to steer those teh tarik talks into engaged conversations. Given the chance, many people love to talk, but a few of them are really listening to what their friends are talking and lesser people are really thinking before they talk or listening when others are talking. That is the major difference between between 'small talks' and engaged conversations or "big talks".

What is talking? I used to talk to myself, but I did it when I am alone-if not people may think I am crazy. Most of the time, we talk to our family members, our friends, our office mates/business associates and on a few occasions we also talk to strangers. In many instances, we only engage ourselves in small talks except on business matters. May I quote a saying from an Englishman( I forget his name): Great minds talk about ideas, common minds talk about events, small minds talk about others and tiny minds talk about themselves...

Talking involves thinking, saying and listening.Most of the time talking uses very little thinking and listening. Technically, everyone is uttering words to someone,and no one is listening;-(

Our 45th Merdeka anniversary is just around the corner.More than 50 years ago my late father told me that a group of them were talking about Merdeka after some of them came back from their religious studies in the Middle East. My father was talking about the reformists like Muhamad Abduh and Jamalluddin Al-Afghani. I think he was influenced by them because he brought back a few books written by these reformists from Mecca in 1952. As they say, the rest is history. He started talking to his friends and joined the national movement for Merdeka. My late grandma told me that a group of Punjabi soldiers surrounded my house but my late father managed to allude the attempted arrest. That is a price one has to pay if you start talking and doing something about which the authority is not happy about. That is an example of BIG TALK.Big talks need ownership and commitment in order to achieve its goals. Sometimes, your head will have a price on it....However,there are many other useful things that all of us can do without offending the authorities.

Personally, I have been doing a few "big talks" for the last few years without really knowing the name of them.It was done informally and in unstructured manner. According to one article in Utne Reader(July/Aug., 2002 issue) ,the "big talks"  should be carried out in the following manner:

1. The host announced the topic for discussion.
2.Everyone is invited to introduce themselves to the group and briefly state his/her views on the topic.
3.On the second round, everyone is given another chance to talk in more detail on the subject matter .
4.No one is allowed to interrupt the speaker and to make personal remarks.
5.When the speaker is talking, everyone  should go into deep listening.Deep listening means putting aside one's personal view points and listen and think on what the speaker is talking.
6.The objective is not  to influence others but for us to reexamine our our own assumptions and thoughts vis-a visa the other people view points.
7. Personally, I will check about the topic against wise men's thoughts to form a world view.

Last week I did it with a friend on "Being in business". We ended up two hours talking in a cafe reexamining what we have done and achieved so far. I managed to turn "the wheel of learning" in the talk by using questions, hypothesis, test and reflect. Testing without hypothesis/theory is just random experimentations with our life/work. Asking without reflections will get us only information but not knowledge.That is why we seldom learn from our own experience, not to mention about from other people mistakes or success.

Last night, I attended a 'majlis meminang' at my friend's house. After the event, we talked over dinner.All of us are in our late 40's and early 50's. One subject that we discussed was what really matters to us now. Everyone talked about his views and I knew at least one of us was not listening when he said: As far as I am concerned....That statement demonstrated that he  has already fixed his viewpoints and not willing to  listen to other people viewpoints. When we close our mind and our heart, nothing new will come to us and we are not going to learn anything  no matter how long we live. IMHO, he was intellectually arrogant!

In another session of teh tarik with some friends, I talked about giving away our excess clothings to charitable organisation. Just look at your wardrobes and start counting how many shirts and trousers that we keep and never wear anymore. Most people thought that was a good idea. However, only one of us really took the trouble to go through his wardrobes with his wife and selected the clothes that they don't need any more and took them to a charitable organisation. This is an example where action is as important(or more important) than just the thoughts/ideas. However ,action begins with a good thought...

Two weeks ago, a schoolmate of mine who is at least 15years younger than me sent an email. He asked how is my "hafalan". It is about memorising a few surah in the Quran. Until to-day I have not( dared not) reply his email. Your guess is the right answer on why I did not reply the email.As a muslim at the age of 50, it is one topic that I should have a BIG TALK as soon as possible.

On the other hand,there is nothing wrong having small talks but we should also have a few BIG TALKS in between. It is good for the minds and the souls. It is as good as 'sup ekor' for the stomach;-)

The next time you have a BIG TALK ,please let me know the outputs and the outcomes. You will be pleasantly surprised at what you will learn and you will do or won't do;-

SELAMAT MENYAMBUT ULANGTAHUN KEMERDEKAAN TANAH AIR. BUKAN SAHAJA NEGARA KITA MERDEKA ,TAPI KITA JUGA JADI INSAN YANG MERDEKA.(Insan Merdeka is a good topic for your next BIG TALK).