~ plant a garden inside yourself
and the whole world smells sweeter ~



air hockey

while playing air hockey with Morgan
it occurred to me
that the majority of actions costing us the most points
are not taken against us by the opposing team
but are actually our own errors
and it seems that many of those mistakes
are made when we incorrectly or impulsively
anticipate the other's moves




light

have you ever noticed
that people look softer and kinder
when seen in reflected light
rather than in harsh, direct spotlight?

and that the really special people
shine with a glow from within?




the tree

high
in the sturdy branches
sharing peanut butter and jelly secrets
where light plays
through the leaves
fingerpainting our dreams
on the clouds
listening to softened sounds
dancing on the breeze
dangling near the edge
clinging tighter as we sway
our chimes of laughter
twinkling
tumbling
to
the
ground




frozen

white frosted wonderland
cold, still as death
crystalline fairy world
freezes my breath

glittery snowflakes
float where they will
inside time frozen
heartbeats grow still




heart and soul

out of necessity
the heart and soul
work together
they need no words
they understand

the heart
is capable of
holding great amounts of pain
growing and softening
with every ache

the soul
grows deeper
responding and sending its roots
around the pain
in search of hope

the two
feed each other
and grow together in harmony
ever stronger
for their bond




irresistable force

circle me with
incantation
while i dream a
revelation
is it just a
fascination
filling me with
inspiration

to my brain a
message sending
from my skin the
waves unending
feel the energy
i'm spending
burning in a
primal blending

on the path we
choose to follow
is it fate that we
will swallow
all our spoken
words are hollow
will we do the
same tomorrow?



color of pain

what is the color of pain?
is it blue and cold
and sad like the rain?
or furious red
wishing me dead?
i need a color for pain
maybe it's white
to chill the night
and burn the day
then fade away?
bleeding green
may set you free
but fill you with
hostility



Renewal

One of the most peaceful moments I have recently had occurred while I was watching Morgan play tennis with a friend. The girls enjoyed a relaxing game on the sun-warmed court and I observed from an old fuzzy blanket that I had spread on the ground in the cool shade of a maple tree. I was stretched out on this blanket, watching the girls, feeling the breeze move softly over and around me, when I realized what a perfect moment this was. I smiled as I thought that life could not get much better than this. My gaze wandered to the fields of corn and the rolling hills that appeared so clear under the bright blue sky. The happy sounds of the school band drifted to me from the school in the distance. The muffled music couldn't block out the chirping of the crickets all around me. My ears picked up the giggles of the tennis players and the soft popping sound of the ball on the court. The afternoon seemed to pause and take a long, deep breath with me, as if mother nature herself wanted to stop and savor the last sweet, fragrant days of summer as they magically transformed into autumn. I am grateful for the blessing of that luxurious, peaceful moment. I feel renewed.



untitled

so many hurting
in so many ways
blindly they stumble
through mind-numbing days
hard grow their hearts
long stretch the hours
healing is slow
for love's sad, wilted flowers



untitled

to me, the most intoxicating fantasy for a woman
is to luxuriate in the undivided affections of a special man
who desires to possess her in every possible way
mentally, physically, spiritually
one who believes that he is only made complete
when she entrusts him with glimpses of
her tender soul



~ hate
is the most obscene four-letter word there is ~



siren

drifting
in cool shades of indigo
finds me
surrounds me
whispering lullabyes
sensing my weakness
knowing me
better than i know myself
breathing
promising emptiness
tasting my need
seduction slides in easily
warmly i welcome it
cold-hearted lover
taking me under
rolling me gently
in deepest deception
cruel turns the tide
numb waves explode
rocking with rythms of grief
blurring land
ripping sky
pounding
the thunder is howling
and slamming me
tossing me
leaving me
broken



~ we are closer to whole
with every part of us we give away ~



leap of faith

don't stay outside
come close, he said
and so i entered
in his head

the rooms were many
like i guessed
each one more wondrous
than the next

with every step i took
i learned
our trust was something
we had earned

he told me i was
safe inside
i welcomed him to
be my guide

our journey took us
everywhere
no walls would stop us
while in there

illusions i had
seen before
were nothing more than
open doors

encouraged by his
tender touch
my fear dissolved
away like dust

i saw the sights my eyes
had hidden
felt a joy that was
forbidden

he held me tighter
than the night
and let me fall
into the light

all along the way
he smiled
regarding me much
like a child

and child i am
that he set free
it was in him that
i found me



waking is death

fragile
this life
the work of our soul
fearless
and sure
visions realized
pure
in our blindness

spinning
our dreams
and lighting the dark
ignorance,
bliss
journeys travelled
deep
into nothing

finding
ourselves
for we are not lost
only
alone
with our suffering,
tied
to our madness

waking
is death
sweet emptiness gone
hell claims
the peace
cruel deception!
pain
now our master



the us in virus

it was a brand new world
it was pristine and fresh and bright
endless possibilities
wonders without end in sight

a gift of new beginnings
offered all a taste of free
the techno wild frontier
a live adventure galaxy

through open gates they ran
never stopping to reflect
so busy with their treasures
no one noticed one defect

the beauty of this land
was not enough to hide the truth
the people brought it with them
passing time would show the proof

from ugliness and pain
there never will be an escape
it travels easily inside us
all it had to do was wait

in this place so grand
the beauty quickly turns to rust
infected by the evil germ
we bring inside of us

we might have paradise
and pick the fruit from every vine
but on this magic carpet ride
use caution...and be kind



one wish

part of the secret to finding joy in this life is being ready to accept it..happy coincidences, mysteries, gifts, lessons, miracles..these are all around us, all the time..we need to make the conscious decision and effort to recognize them and welcome them with open minds and hearts..that choice is the greatest gift we can give ourselves, and everyone benefits..because once we put it into practice, happiness is no longer an accident..and discovering the gifts becomes easier with each one..living with joy is a sweet addiction that grows more powerful as it is shared..and acknowledging every blessing we find does not diminish all the rest..just the opposite..many people die waiting for that one perfect moment..never living all the perfect moments along the way..

if i had one wish..that is what i would wish for everyone..because once you have that..you have everything



it was meant to be so

sometimes words leave your lips
and there’s no turning back
so you go where they lead
though you don’t know the way

when your heart speaks the truth
it can open your eyes
and you trust what it says
for it comes from inside

in the fog of your mind
there’s a path burning bright
and you gather your strength
for that first shakey step

through the thorns and the dark
you may stumble and crawl
but you still hear that voice
and it urges you on

when your spirit is weak
loving hands lift you high
tender touch cools the fire
gentle words dry the rain

let the doubts nip your heels
you have nothing to fear
when you know deep inside
you have all that you need

now there’s nothing behind
but the dreams of the past
and the lessons well-learned
that have helped you to grow

it is time for the dance
let your music be heard
you have journeyed to here
since the day you were born

should you hear footsteps near
and your eyes meet my own
you will feel it is right
it was meant to be so

you are never alone
for we spoke the same words
we may not know our way
but there’s no turning back



happiness

i think the cause of discontent and misery can be traced to the unfortunate fact that far too many people have never learned that the road to happiness begins inside of us all...no one can hand us a map to find it....it isn’t at the end of something like a mirage that we think we see over the next hill....it isn’t a reward....it isn’t owed to us.....and it isn’t a prize in some karmic cracker jack box
happiness IS us
realizing this and living it with conviction is a gift we can give ourselves and all of creation



~ i stood under the stars
and then i understood ~



one little fish

Some people spend their entire lives waiting and hoping for some spectacular event that will miraculously transform their lives. But eyes that are always focused on the horizon may overlook small gifts that open hearts embrace. I wonder how often we miss them.

1Fish2Fish is the name my daughter gave to the tiny fish that she made space for in the corner of her room. Though she tends to him dutifully, she is wary of his erratic swimming and spastic jumping. She often wonders why he continues to live long after the rest of the fish died.

This morning she walked into her room to find 1Fish2Fish on the floor after he somehow managed to flip through a small opening in the lid of his aquarium. Sad, and unnerved by the sight of the lifeless fish, she asked me to pick him up and dispose of him.

But as I held him in my hand and turned to leave the room, I saw a slight flutter. I explained to my daughter as I slipped the fish back into the water, that we should give him a chance because maybe we were meant to find him and it wasn't his time to die. She humored me but expressed her doubt, and I wondered myself how he could possibly survive, as he floated at the water's surface, barely breathing.

My daughter jokingly called me a fish cheerleader. And she said that certainly God had more urgent matters to attend to than saving this fish's life. After all, what is the life of one small fish, especially compared to that of humans who might need His assistance? What could be the purpose of His intervention?

I considered her words. And then I said that we cannot possibly know the worth of any life. That little fish may be here to make a difference in our lives and perhaps his mission has not been completed. She gave me a tolerant look and asked me to please remove him when he finally died.

I was prepared to do just that when I looked in on him an hour later. But 1Fish2Fish was not only still alive, but swimming all around as if nothing had happened. Despite my earlier optimism I was stunned. I had come so close to giving up on him myself.

Small miracle? Spiritual message?

I don't have any answers. But I do have an amazing little fish with a new name.

I call him "Faith".



toad licking

I believe that people should lick more toads. Or that more people should lick toads.

Sure, go ahead and laugh. But there are certain toads that secrete a hallucinagenic substance through their skin. And as far out as it sounds, someone, somewhere, at some time had to lick a toad to make that discovery. Scary, huh? It's true.

Now, you have to wonder about what possessed this person to lick a toad in the first place. And how many other animals did this person lick before they got the desired result?

When you stop and think of all the possible animals that may have been licked and rejected, toads don't seem that bad.

Perspective.

Imagine all the possibilities.

Dare to dream.

It takes courage...imagination...and perhaps a bit of insanity...to be a toad licker. But without those, we're just like the toads.



journey

in between the silent miles of scars upon your soul
the criss-crossed paths of suffering hide treasure pure and whole

although i have no guide nor any reason to be here
this psychic minefield beckons with a whisper in my ear

i wander every jagged ridge in darkness and in rain
searching for the light you've hidden deep in your domain

as i overturn the stones of sorrow on the ground
my fear turns into faith that there's a message to be found

memorizing all the details of your heart's terrain
i travel every scar and find a monument to pain

destiny invisible will watch me as i sleep
upon love's pillow in the shadows of your frozen dreams



scientific method

a rain-soaked vacation and we got the notion
to guage our reaction to super slow motion
it wasn't a plan but a sweet inspiration
that answered our questions with hot perspiration
hypotheses offered from secret desires
strategic caresses lit smoldering fires
we measured and stirred in quite ample persuasion
we maximized output and tweaked our equation
oblivious to any outside distraction
our fantasies led to a pure satisfaction
distilled by degrees and refined through responses
so eager were we to explore all nuances
our quantified trials assured nothing wasted
no texture was lost and no flavor untasted
the cold shock of steel, heat of strong, supple leather
were blended with water and stirred with a feather
endurance was noted, we varied the forces
repeated the process and charted new courses
unstable ingredients danced under pressure
as rain beat the windows in rythmic measure
with keen dedication we pushed every limit
and screams of success followed right to the finish
euphoric conclusions rewarded our efforts
and now we appreciate all kinds of weather



fawn

It is
patience, defined.
I'm always straining to hold it at bay.
If my guard is let down, it blooms wild.
Smothering me...paralyzing...
It would be so easy to give in.
Stand back and watch it grow
fat with weakness.
Filling every space.
Matching temperature.
Tasteless.
Unscented.
But i can feel it..
like an eclipse.
Slowly at first.
Almost imperceptible.
Everywhere is thick
and i'm trying to walk through water.
It speaks to me,
whispering that it doesn't matter.
Nothing matters.
Nothing i do
will change anything.
Nothing i share can heal.
i am too small and too weak.
No match for the dark.
"Powerless," it chants.
There are no miracles.
No ears for prayers.
i can't stop the pain for anyone.
Not even one!
Nor neutralize hatred.
i hold no antidote.
My light swallowed by blackness,
i'm lost again.
And the dark-
it KNOWS.
It was here long before me and always will be.
Resistance is futile.
The colors run together,
down my face.
When I look up,
I see you there,
waiting to take me home.
Far from the pain.
Immune to the voices.
Where I'm free
and whole again.
You show yourself to me,
stronger than the dark.
The air rushes in,
and I rise.
You pause,
looking back...
Tell me not to forget.
Then I SEE
in your eyes,
the light

shines.



Gift of the Hedgehogs

Go here if you wish to read a fairy tale.



~ we are all authors
our stories written by our deeds
and illustrated with our dreams ~



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