Today would have been the greatest day of sick leave, if only my love had come to see me.
Today, I fought with my best friend, thought about the other & cried in thoughts that I wished not to see.
If only the sun did not shine so bright, my vision would not turn purple as I stumbled up the crooked stairway.
If I could only understand who was right, my stomach would not turn in pain & stress as I wished to fly away.
Today, if you would have just called once when I paged or left messages on your answer-phone.
Today, I hated you & loved you & stressed about nothing & everything; I just don’t want to be alone.
If only you understood when tears rushed so quickly to my eye that the room grew blurry, I was only reading a poem.
If only I could understand why the sad poems make me laugh & the melodramas make me feel so cold without you & very alone.
Today, I cried when a fifteen year old poet rambled on & on & on forever about missing her childhood or being without him.
Today, I laughed at the poet who wrote about a little hazel-eyed girl who didn’t watch & a bus hit her; is this another lost sin.
Today, sin was lost on me as I searched for hours to only find fifteen minutes of peace.
Today, I wish you would have found what I was searching for was you & gave me release.