I'm feeling emotional today. I've been out here at my mom's house since about 1 AM yesterday (Saturday). Everyone is getting on my nerves and I want to go home. But I don't really have a home anymore...
When I got here I was really pissed off because Mike went ahead and bought me that damn car. I think on one hand, I'm pissed off that Mike wants to keep my truck, and on the other hand, I'm pissed that I had the money to fix my truck and I got some little puddlejumping piece of shit instead. The whole thing is just a mess. I think I am going to spend the money to fix my truck so I can sell it for more... I'm just really upset about the whole situation.
And on top of that, nobody really sounds promising about getting a place with me...
Jen actually had the balls (or pure stupidity?) to email me and ask me how I'm doing and ask me if I wanted to go to the movies w/ her this weekend. The crack she smokes must be getting better...
So yesterday I went up to the lake w. Em, Cole, Jessie, Kristy, my brother, and the dogs. Jessie looks really weird. The last time I saw him, he was like 100 pounds heavier, so he doesn't look the same at all. Not to mention I haven't seen him in almost 2 years, and now he's 18. So we went to the lake and swam for a couple hours. That was fun. Then storm clouds came in and we left. The cove we usually swim in is called Indian Bay, and is basically huge boulders. People cliff dive there, and climb the rocks...
Today everyone went to haul hay. Do I want to go? Hell no. I don't have livestock anymore, that's not my job. So I sat home and watched VH1, and caught Cover Wars, with Duncan as one of the judges. I couldn't log online because Mike was expecting a call (which never came).
And now everyone has headed up to the lake (a diff lake, Sandwash), and I was going to go w/ my mom later, and she informs me that I can't take Shannon, because our family is up there (translation: our family is entirely made up of completely rude, disrespectful bitches), and she doesn't want to hear them complain. My grandma doesn't even fucking swim, but that doesn't stop her from yelling and bitching from the shoreline. My Aunt Mary is also a horrid cunt, but we are asked to be nice to her to keep the peace. My mother is so worried about everything being "okay", it's disgusting. I grew up w/ Mary always telling me I was fat and that I shouldn't eat, and now she's getting fat. I love it, the bitch...
So I was upset that I couldn't take Shannie just to try to make Mary & my grandma bitch less (I really couldn't give a FUCK what they think, and I tell them so), and I told my mom I just didn't want to go to the lake, so she got upset and said she'd just stay home too then, which was NOT what I wanted. So to keep everyone else as happy as possible, we have to suffer. How is that right?
My mom wants me to stay until tomorrow so I can go get my suspension on my license lifted. I just want to go home, so I might just go today w/ Candice back to SLC and have my mom & bro bring the car out on Thursday. That is probably what I'll do. I am upset just thinking about the car and my dog, and I just want to bawl thinking about it. I am not good at sucking things up just to make other people happy when they are not people I give a shit about. I'm feeling restless and I just wish Candice would show up so I can go. I don't want to make my mom unhappy, but I'm restless and anxious, and I jst don't want to sit here anymore. I don't really want to go swimming because I'll be around my bastard family, and I don't feel like changing what I'm wearing... I stole some khaki cargo shorts from my brother and they're pretty comfortable. He's not going to need them, anyway. He's joining the Navy and leaves in a week for the training base. Maybe I'll steal the other clothes he has that I want, too. *hehe*
My mom offered to take me to Candice's, but sitting there would be just like sitting here. She keeps asking me if she can get me anything. She even asked if I wanted to go riding. Horses, no clouds, 100+ degrees? Um, NO. I just want to get out of here. I feel trapped. I want a place. I want a decent car. And I want my dog. I hate this fucking place.
If you have found this page printed out, you can find the original at http://www.oocities.org/SoHo/Lofts/8330