Suicide


Shall I ask for death tomorrow?
Shall I be a source of sorrow?
To those I leave behind...
To those my empty shell eventually find.

Shall I ask for death tomorrow?
Shall I invite this fearsome guest in?
Into a world I am already weary of
Tired of myself, and my many a sin.

Shall I draw up the plans tonight?
A masterpiece of planning and device
A Chef d'oveure, a final bow..
Before I finally set my mind to flight

Or shall I instead be impetuous
Like an eager child- grasp everything in sight
Yet ensure that no rescue is possible
For an instant burn like a supernova bright!!

A supernova - suicide done in style
Nature encourages what religeon abhors
What the hell, religeon's humanity's worst sore
Priests and clergy are always causing war!!!

My mind is made up - a Supernova I shall be
But how does a man set his soul free?
What way would be painless and fast?
Suicide's a way to end suffering- why make it last?

Lethal cocktail with a little minced femoral artery
This seems the best way yet
But somehow leaves the supernova bit a little flat
"Idiot dead in a pool of blood" is hardly headline typeset

Immolation would attract too much attention
A bomb might hurt others - no, out of fashion!!!
Remember thinking it might make me more photogenic
But body parts in a plastic bag might make my relatives panic!!

Maybe a political statement - in a suicide note bloodstained
Something lamenting human rights would certainly bring fame
But no, can that idea, it sounds too lame
After all, who can compete with a Buddhist monk aflame

All the thinking's making me weary
Like a child holding his breath, betrayed by physiology!!
Perhaps tonight I'll let my urge pass and fade
There's always tomorrow, and the promise of better plans made!!!


                                                by Yudisthra 30th May 1998