*chuckles*@day

Glossary

486 The average IQ needed to understand a P.C.

State-of-the-art Any computer you can't afford.

Obsolete Any computer you own.

Microsecond The time it takes for your
state-of-the-art-computer to become obsolete.

Syntax Error Hi, I want to buy a computer
and money is no object.

GUI What your computer becomes after
spilling your coffee on it.

Computer Chip Any starchy food stuff consumed in
mass quantities while programming.

Keyboard The standard way to generate computer errors.

Mouse An advanced input device to make
computer errors easier to generate.

Floppy The state of your wallet
after purchasing a computer.

Hard Drive The sales technique employed by computer
salesmen.

Portable Computer A device invented to force businessmen to work
at home, on vacation and on business trips.

Disk Crash A typical computer response to any
critical deadline.

Power User Anyone who can format a disk from DOS.

System Update A quick method of trashing ALL of your software.

YESTERDAY

Yesterday,
All those backups seemed a waste of pay.
Now my database has gone away.
Oh I believe in yesterday.

Suddenly,
There's not half the files there used to be,
And there's a deadline
hanging over me.
The system crashed so suddenly.

I pushed something wrong
What it was I could not say.
Now my data's gone
and I long for yesterday-ay-ay-ay.

Yesterday,
The need for back-ups seemed so far away.
Thought all my data was here to stay,
Now I believe in yesterday.

Signs you are getting older...........

You're asleep, but others worry that you're dead.
You can live without sex but not without glasses.
Your back goes out more than you do.
You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the
room.
You buy a compass for the dash of your car.
You are proud of your lawn mower.
Your best friend is dating someone half his age ..... and isn't
breaking
any laws.
You call Olan Mills before they call you.
Your arms are almost too short to read the newspaper.
You sing along with the elevator music.
You would rather go to work than stay home sick.
You constantly talk about the price of gasoline.
You enjoy hearing about other people's operations.
You consider coffee one of the most important things in life.
You make an appointment to see the dentist.
You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.
Neighbors borrow your tools.
People call at 9 p.m. and ask, "Did I wake you ?"
You answer a question with, "because I said so!"
You send money to PBS.
The end of your tie doesn't come anywhere near the top of you pants.
You take a metal detector to the beach.
You wear black socks with sandals.
You know what the word "equity" means.
You can't remember the last time you laid on the floor to
watch
television.
Your ears are hairier than your head.
You talk about "good grass" and you're referring to someone's lawn.
You get into a heated argument about pension plans.
You got cable for the weather channel.
You can go bowling without drinking.
You have a party and the neighbors don't even realize it.
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