<>>

I realize I'll be one of the few -- like the few who actually started
watching this show when it first aired and fell in love with the formula
that it started with -- but I HATED "Bitter Suite".

Again, I have no real hope that things will change or improve, but
let the King Of Fools get this off his chest, okay?

Firstly, let me say I appreciate anyone in TV taking a chance. Hey! I
liked "Cop Rock"! I'm one of the two or three people in L.A. who actually
watched the show. So I have no problem in principle with you putting
a dramatic musical into the one-hour format. Nonetheless, this was NOT
"Xena, Warrior Princess."

"Bitter Suite" -- hereafter referred to as "BS" for reasons obvious to
any who are of like mind to yours truly -- was an over-produced, disjointed,
confusing and dramatically simplistic piece of self-indulgent crap that
was created, it seems, for the sole purpose of a group of multi-talented
performers such as Lucy, Kevin Smith and others to strut their stuff as
well as to showcase Flat Earth's amazing facility with Silicon Graphics
machines. Joe Loduca and company likewise proved that they are high-powered
composers and capable of ripping off Andrew Lloyd Weber and whoever it was
who wrote "Beauty And The Beast" for Disney.

But withal, it was sloppily concieved, thematically simplistic and betrayed
the original premise of "Xena, Warrior Princess." I am deeply disappointed
in the direction my former favorite show is taking. Apparently, having caught
a franchise tiger by the tail, Raimi, Tapert and Co. feel that they no longer
have to razzle us with brilliance -- i.e., intelligent stories, well-thought-out
characterizations and exciting action scenes -- and can now sit back and dazzle
us with BS.

And oh, don't think I didn't get the whole Tarot theme of Illusia. Anyone who's
ever picked up the Rider deck even once could not help but feel clouted over
the head with it. Yes, darlings, I'm terribly impressed with how marvellously
erudite and clever that all is. But what did it mean? Was there a signifigance
to it, or did you just think it looked cool? And what was the meaning of having
Xena be so out of control over a child she's seen only twice in ten years that she'd
tear-ass through Downtown Amazonia looking for Gabrielle to kill raising hell and
causing rampant devastation, then drag the one she loves most of all behind her
gleefully and attempt to throw her off a furking CLIFF? Is Xena so open to manipulation
by the God Of War that she'd literally go mad in this fashion? And is Gabrielle so
stupid that she'd literally fall for a transparent fabrication of Callisto?("Xena's hatred of
Ceasar made her abandon you to Dahok"? Excuse me, but was Gabrielle watching a
different version of that episode than I was? Xena abandoned Bodecea to run after
Gabrielle and kick the hell out of Dahok's minion to save her! As far as Xena knew
at the time, Gabby was with her lil monotheistic pals who loved and honored her!)

At what point was all this a dream? At what point was it real? I mean,
Xena's got a lot of `splainin' to do to Ephiny and the amazons -- not to mention
to poor Joxer -- for her actions if it was all real. Oh, but Solan was her son, and the bond between
mother and child is what we're all about, isn't it? It isn't about shared dangers,
intimacies and dreams. It's not about love, it's about biological imperitives.

BS!!

On top of which, despite the fact that, when driven to extremes of pain and anger,
nearly anyone can say of a loved one, "I hate you", it's never really true.
Xena never could have hated Gabrielle, nor vice versa. Especially within
such a short period of time. therefore, to me the whole theme of trying to overcome
"hatred" as it applies to their relationship is again, pure BS. That theme
as a central theme sucked. Forgiveness and acceptance I can relate to,
but not some melodramatic magic show of expunging all the hatred in their lives.
If that's what they've done, well, then: La-de-da. We can all go tripping
merrily into the sunset hand in hand, and become Hestians together, trying to make the
world a better place with peace and flowers and love-love-love.

Also, what power was responsible for the dream itself? How is it that Solan, who's really just one kid in the
Elysian Fields, could orchestrate this rainbow-hued morality tale? Or was it Ming Tien?
Was he the evil genius behind it all? I mean, what the Tartarus was REALLY going on here?
And are we now to assume that everything's just terrific between them again? Key Riced, people!

I was left impressed with all the gorgeous visuals and pageantry,
but wanting some real substance. I was left with a real desire to
see Xena pummel some bad guys, save some innocents and walk off into the sunset,
gently razzing Gabrielle. I am sick to death of watching a Xena with her
heart on her sleeve. I am tired of half-baked melodramatic soap opera conflicts
alternated with broad slapstick comedy, or else a ripoff of some classic movie. (I mean,
do they know when they do that that everyone knows how it's gonna end?
I mean -- do they?)

Anyway, all I have to say is this: -- If Rob Tapert is listening, or if some divine
messenger can get him the message --

When you guys are through getting your artistic jollies furking around with "Xena", call me.

I'll be off watching what is apparently the only well-crafted fantasy show on TV:

"Buffy The Vampire Slayer"

Democratus
classica@primenet.com
jhigley@megadrive.com