Off Topic. Sue me.....

Greetings,

I have a colleague at work who insists on dumping political magazines on my
desk. Most are conservative political weeklies. After reading some of the more
ridiculous bits, I decided there ought to be *strong suggestion* regarding
truth in titles of various publications.

I submit for your approval (or not) the following, titles, starting with the
ones I've been finding on my desk:

On The Right:

~~~~
National Respew (National Review)

Classic elderstates rag of the doddering right. William F. Buckley's weekly "I
told you so" except he can't remember what he told us. Florence King's
"Misanthrope's Corner" provides some redeeming social value.

~~~~
Weekly Stranded (Weekly Standard)

National Review Lite. More ego, less substance.

~~~~
American Expectorator (American Spectator)

Hillary and the radical lesbian feminist child killers murdered Vince Foster.
Spends more time thinking about Bill Clinton's sex life than he does.

National Riflemania (National Rifleman)

Mouth-piece of the NRA as in "If you don't like it I'll stick my piece in your
mouth and blow your head off". Holds a place of honor in Charleton Hestons
bathroom reading rack.

In The Middle (sorta):

~~~~
New Republican (New Republic)

Ex-Socialist Worker Party 60's radicals learn the joys of living off investment
income and capital gains from their inheretences. Still maintains a fairly
strong civil liberties stance.

And on the Left:

~~~~
Mothra Jones (Mother Jones)

Doyne of the anarchist, left-wing, latte drinkers. Frayed around the cuffs and
at the collar. Still has a strong consumer advocacy streak. Pokes pointy sticks
up both Newt and Ghepharts butts. Did a number on Werner Erhardt's est
Institute.

~~~~
Gorge (George)

Descriptive of what the editors/publishers have done in consuming thier own ego
droppings. What rises in me when I read it. Winner Critics Award for Exeptional
Self Idulgience.

From the Fourth Estate:

US Skews and World Distort, Newsweak, Tomb (US News and World Report, Time)

If you really want to investigate the implications of cloning...

Pop Goes the Culture:

~~~~
Strolling Bone (Rolling Stone)

Badly in need of Hip replacement. And will someone pleas stick P. J. O'Rourke's
thumb back in his mouth?

Mess and Cosmopollution (Ms. and Cosmopolitan)

Twin mothers of the schizophrenic, post-modern, feminist stagnation. How to get
the man of your dreams into bed and castrate him if he touches you cause all sex is
really rape.

~~~~
Vague and Glimmer (Vogue and Glamour)

Approximately 200 pages of toxic gas inserts, rip out mail forms for cosmetics
products, and psychic hotline ads. Three pages articles about getting the right
pout. Ideas look as if inspiration light set on dimmer.

~~~~
Lay Boy (Play Boy)

Wishful thinking.

~~~~
Pray Girl (Play Girl)

What one does the morning after following the suggestions in this magazine.

Athletic Endeavors:

~~~~
Spurts Illustrated: The Swim Shoot Edition (Do I really have to spell it out?)

The climax of the magazine season.

Anyone else have any suggestions?

MoonDragon

(It is good to have lunch)