Spoiler: One Against An Army

Gabrielle is trying to do flips. I've got a flip for her. She actually looks
like she's just really cold. Either that or she's jumping rope without the
rope.
Then she explains to Xena, while pulling out a tiny miniature Xena boob
warmer out of her top, the way she thinks Xena does her flips. How come we
didn't know Gabby named that little stick figure Xena....and that's why she
kept that there? These gals love to hide things in their cleavage. And
dangerous things too...I mean what if Gabby took a deep breath and that
little miniature Xena flew up and into her mouth, choking the life out of
her...is that to much to ask? Er, I mean...wouldn't that be awful? And Xena,
she's got a dagger in hers...what happens when she coughs? Would it pierce
her heart? *cough-gasp-dead* Poor Xena.

Xena's Eulogy:

Gabby: Let us remember, Xena, the warrior princess. Not for how she
died....seized yesterday afternoon by a deep cough when some pollen flew by
her nose,  her breast dagger piercing her heart, but by how strong and
courageous she was....yelling and cursing the gods about her bad
luck...'till she finally croaked.

That's just me being a little mean to Xena there...to compensate for how
mean I'm probably going to be to Gabby.
Xena tells Gabby she tried the flip three hundred times before she tried it
without the staff, but that was just when she wasn't sleeping with someone
in her army...oooh, why am I being mean to Xena? That's not my style. Gabby
tries anyway, because she doesn't listen and she has a tendency to cluck
like a chicken and meow like a cat in class. Gabby falls 'cause she used the
wrong foot!
Xena finds out that Gabrielle sprained her ankle. Now if I was there...I'd
be poking Gabby in the ankle every two seconds going "Does it hurt still?
Hey, are you sure it still hurts? I don't even think it's sprained!!!" but
that's just because I'm me. Gabby's hair is definately more blonde than red
in this episode.
Um, some guy comes running along from out of nowhere. They're in the middle
of the forest, and he's running from a band of warring Persians, but..uh, he
found 'em! But, he's going to keep on running until he hits Athens so he can
warn them too.

Gabby: Hey, Xena, why don't you use that thing that you had in China?
Xena: I wish I could call it up, but it takes a purity of essence, and
well..it's gone now.
Gabby: Well that just totally sucks! What, you can only do it sometimes?!
Xena: That's the way it goes!
Gabby: Why?
Xena: Writers.
Gabby: Oh. Please? I just got a really bad feeling that I'm gonna get hurt
in this episode.
Xena: Why?
Gabby: I watched the trailer for it.

This guy comes flying on down from a tree or something and says he wants to
steal Xena's horse. She makes him admit he ran from battle....blah.
So the Persians find out about them.....which makes me wonder..why in the
hell would a whole Persian army care about two chicks and a horse?
Xena fights them and the supposed Spartan freezes. Gabby comes out of hiding
to either make him fight or run for cover. But she gets shot by an arrow.
I'm telling you, Gabby is too nice for her own damn good!
Xena breaks off the end of the arrow, then pushes it through, then pulls it
out.....ouch. They find out there's poison on it ( And no, I did not sneak
in there and put arsenic on the end of the arrow...it wasn't me...stop
it..no it wasn't...no! ). Then, THEN Xena has to cauterize the wound, front
and back...with a burning stick. I don't even think Xena had to cauterize
it, I think that this was revenge for her...for everything Gabby has done in
the past three years.

Xena: I've got to cauterize it.
Gabby: Are you sure?
Xena: Nope, I'm just doing it for kicks.
Gabby: You're being so mean to me, Xena.
Xena: *burn* This is for "The Debt" *burn* this is for "The Price"
*burn-burn-burn* This is for "Maternal Instincts and Gabrielle's Hope"
Gabby: Damn it, you just wait until you get hurt!!!

Xena finds out Dorian is a spy (that was his name I just failed to mention
it before) well she didn't really just find out, she's just telling
Gabrielle now.
They go to a nearby village, that burned and looted itself before the
Persians got there. What would've happened if they burnt the village and the
Persians never showed up? And how did they know the Persians were coming,
when that guy just informed Xena and Gabrielle, who were heading that
way...but weren't there yet?

Villager 1: Hey, I just got this weird feeling some Persians are heading our
way.
Villager 2: What do you think we should do?
Villager 1: I think we should burn and destroy our entire village, leaving
them nothing.
Villager 2: That sounds like a good idea. But ah {scratches his head} what
if they don't show up?
Villager 1: Are you saying that my weird feeling isn't enough reason to burn
down our own village??!!
Villager 2: No, of course not. {yelling} Come on everyone! We're burning
down the village 'cause Martius has got a bad feeling!!!!

Xena's looking for medicine for Gabrielle's poison. But the bottle was
broken.
All right, this time it was me! I sneaked in there...and just broke it and
ran. But I was bored, there was no one else in the village and I had nothing
better to do! I didn't know that I was prolonging Gabby's suffering! And my
mom always told me to recycle... I only took half the bottle, but so what?
Oh, this beam structure almost fell on Xena's head, but since it didn't...
it was no fun.
Xena's insisting that they move on, instead of trying to stop the army, but
Gabrielle's all like "No, Xena...you can stop them."
So they go to this hide-out where Xena stored all of her weapons like three
years ago, when she thought there was no way in hell she'd ever stay "nice".
Her weapons are all still there, and intact. If I had gone in there and
found all those weapons...I would've stolen them all...hey, just being
honest :-) I would've stolen them all, and then I'd sell them to Salmoneus,
who would sell them to a warlord, who would fight with Xena, and eventually
she'd get her weapons back!
Um, Gabby tells Xena her last request. If Gabs can't make it throw her in
the river and get the hell out of there. Oops, she didn't say that! But she
did tell her to save herself.
Gabrielle is getting sicker. They talk about the Persians and Gabby coughs
up blood. So they know that the arrow grazed one of her lungs. See, I
thought maybe Gabby was a chain-smoker, and that was natural to her...all
that coughing and such. Guess not (Although, I think I spotted her lighting
up a cigarette later in the show:).
Xena begins making a travois, and tells Gabby they're leaving. Gabby ( I
almost called her Gasby...and that kind of makes it more fun. Gasby. Gasby
from Poteidaia. Gasby: The Bard :) gets all self-sacrificing and tells Xena
that they _must_ stay there. While discussing this self-sacrificing Gabby
says "Why because I'm your friend?" and Xena says "Yes." see, Gabrielle
doesn't really understand. She's Xena's only friend. Gabby should just be
fine with that. Be thankful she wants to save you, and isn't calling you up
saying she'll go to the movies with you, and then never shows! I say if
Gabby wants to make sure that Xena fights, then she should just let Xena
kill her now, and get it over with.
Xena sees a bottle and tries to do that thing she could do in China, but
can't do here. She tries to break it. It doesn't work (see I told you it
wouldn't work), so Xena gets really pissed and breaks it anyway. This shows
us one thing...don't let Xena near your breakables!
I'm eating rice, potato's and some pork chops. But you know...I feel like
that has been what I was raised on. Rice...steak with rice, rice with pork
chops, rice and beans, rice and pot roast, hamburger helper, hamburger
helper, more hamburger helper, and some rice. Yeech. Actually though, this
tastes pretty good.
Gabby's ranting, she's in a fever and really has no clue what she's saying.

Xena: I'm here. Physically not mentally.
Gabby: Xena?
Xena: Yes.
Gabby: Please don't take me with you. I don't want to learn a single thing
you know. Please leave me here in Poteidaia, where I can become a farmer,
and raise ten children. Don't take me with you. I'd be so annoying. I'd be
all in your face during "Evil Xena" episodes, and I'd smoke all your
Marlboro's *cough-cough*. I have the gift of prophecy. {Gabby pauses, and
takes a deep breath} Have you ever wondered about your future? Call psychic
friends today, 1-800-555-5554. {pauses again} I want to be just like Mike.
Xena: {drinks her Gatorade and looks at her Nike's} I want to be just like
Mike too.

Gabby's having a psychic dream. The walls are rattling and naturally I think
Xena should've hanged a sign on the door "If this weapons armory is a
rockin, don't come a knockin" I don't even know if it is the weapons armory,
I'm just taking a guess. The soldiers come in, and Gabby watches as Xena
gets her throat slashed. That was a cool part, to bad for Xena though, I
really wanted her to get it with the breast dagger.  Then Gabby wakes up,
and caress' Xena's hair in a totally non-sub-textual way *wink*. That was a
sad part, and I....I...oh I can barely say it..I almost felt BAD for Gabby
there.
Xena says she's going to leave again. Gabby tells Xena that she's dying,
that she knows it's to late for her. Xena tells Gabby that even in death she
will never leave her. I'd leave her at a bus stop, gun shop, at the mall
during x-mas season, in a dark alley at midnight, in an abandoned warehouse,
in the middle of the highway, on a raft in the ocean...well, I think you
know....I'd just leave her.
Xena makes Argo run away.
Xena puts Gabrielle up in the hayloft (so I'm beginning to think this is a
barn). They tell each other how much they love one another, but then Xena
can hear that the Persians are on their way.
Okay, then there is fighting, more fighting, more fighting....hey guess
what? More fighting. Xena gets slashed on the arm, protects Gabrielle from
that Dorian guy, more fighting, she finds the antidote. More fighting.
Finally she tells them all there are thousands more like her, and they
totally buy it and leave.
Then Xena makes Gabby drink the antidote then lays down beside her. Gabby
reminds Xena she owes her a pair of boots, preferably the snake skin
ones....four hundred dinar snake skin boots.

-CB