Lucy Scares Me

Okay, she's a looker alright. Wouldn't mind wakin' up to that gorgeous face
& bod 365 days a year. But, somethin' 'bout that babe makes
a mild manered reporter like me tremble in my boots.

That fire in her eyes, that sneer....could you imagine her on a bad hair
day in real life? I can see me sayin' "Honey, I'm going to the store, need
anything???" Then somethin' snaps inside her, and her eyes take on a look
of a thousand maniacs like she does. The Lalalalalalalala's (by the way,
it's lalala not yiyiyi. Even Lucy says so. Listen close next time) come out,
and she does a backflip over the couch, crouches down into an Amazon
attack position and says "What do you mean 'need anything'???"

I mean, from watching her on Xena, seeing her abilities to put fourth her
emotions, I imagine she could put a whole new slant to the word "nagging",
heh.

I think she may be just a tad too much woman for me. I could see coming home
from a hard day's work where she's been waiting in heat for her man all
day. "Lucy, I'm home..." She pounces on ya like a tiger on a 20oz prime cut steak. She wraps her
legs around your back. She grabs your head like a ripe mellon, twists your
neck around with a snap and bites a
corner of your ear off. I can just picture them eyes, all afire with the
passion of 1,000 battles, blood dripping from the edge of her mouth as she
squeezes her legs around you. You hear a *snap* and you realize it's your
spine! She let's out a moan like she's been waiting all day to do that, and you
fall helplessly limp onto the floor.

That fiery glare that cuts thru an army may be part of her acting, but
it's Lucy the Woman who is behind it. As feminine as she looks in real life,
I'm afraid that her tremendous inner strength that she draws on for her
Xena role, could tear me a new orfice or two. I mean, if we were together
in real life and the first time I said something she didn't like, and she
got that same look in her eyes as she did just before she dragged Gabrielle
behind her horse for killing Xena's kid...man...all I'm sayin' is that
911 may be a Godsend!

Yes, Lucy I love ya, but I'm afraid of ya at the same time. :-)

Paul T., trembling in Michigan




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