WT Splains Warryer, Preistis, Tramp

I'm dedicatin' this here revyoow to lil' Ms. Crimemore. Cuz she's done gone and finished up her nursin' skool edjukation this very day.
Congradulashions, CM! It's been a loooong 12 years..... but gal, you went and did it, and I'm mitey proud of ya!

At CM's request (since she got down and begged like a dog)... I'm gonna 'splain to y'all jeeest how I sees this here "Warryer, Preistis, Tramp" epersode, cuz it happens to be ol' CM's fave-o-rite epersode of alll times.... and she sez if'n I don't do it, she's gonna sit herself down in the middle of the road and bawl like a baby.... and I reckon I don't want that to happen. (Besides that, she's gonna be totin' one o' them big ol' needles now, so's I scared not to post this.)

So..... don't get yer drawers in a wad, CM.... here's yer farkin' revyoow, Darlin'.

This epersode got me in a tizzy. I ain't been this confused & confounded since I filled out them food stamp applications and it asked for my Daddy's name!

The thang is ... there's two other gals in this here show that's the spittin' image of Xener! Now where in the Sam H*ll did them Powers that Be find TWO gals that looks jest like that there Lucy Lawless???

The furst thang we see is Xener (least we thank it's Xener) bein' fussed at by a ugly bald-headed feller. He's a hankerin' fer a weiny roast, so he tells his fellers to tie up Xener and use her for the kindlin'. So while Xener's a' toastin', Lil' Gab shows up and asks her what the heck she thanks she's doin' and why aint' she a' tryin' to get loose! Gab sees that Xener's actin' all sissified and ain't gonna try to excape, so Gab gets madder n' a wet hen and takes matters into her own hands. She tricks a big fat feller into helpin' her douse the flames and her and Xener gets their butts the heck outta there.

Then lil' Gab learns this gal ain't Xener. Nope, she's Lee-Uh, a preistis of the Vurgin Goddiss Hest-Cha. So Lil' Gab takes Lee-Uh to meet Xener. Now Xener thanks Lee-Uh is either that uppity Princiss Dianer or that trashy ol' Meg... cuz both of 'em looks jest like her. (Are y'all confused yet?)

Lee-Uh fusses at Xener and Lil' Gab cuz they ain't vurgins, and she goes to spazzin' out and wavin' her arms and rollin' her eyes and sayin' "Pwaise Hest-Cha" and soundin' like that lil' Elmer Fudd feller on that there Bug Bunny show.

Then they go to the temple (same dern temple they always go to on this show)... and they see ol' Meg a' posin' as Lee-Uh. Meg tells 'em that the Hi Priest, Beer Belly Bubba Bailey, had done asked her to pose as Lee-Uh, and she said "yep" cuz she wuz gettin' all the booze she could guzzle in return.

Lil' Gab takes Lee-Uh off to hide her at the Best Lil' Whorehouse in Texas, and on their way there, she decides Lee-Uh oughta be lookin' more like one o' them "gals of the night.' So she commences to rippin' off her clothes and tellin' her to try lookin' sexy. (And I could hear them subtixters ooohin' and ahhhin' all the way from here.)

Back at the same ol' temple, Xener finds out that ol' Beer Belly Bubba Bailey is up to no good. And big-mouth Meg tells Beer Belly Bubba Bailey that Xener's in the temple and Lee-Uh's at the Best Lil' Whorehouse in Texas.

Them vurgins all thank Xener is Lee-Uh, so they goes to confessin' their dirty lil' secrets to her. And one of 'em is feelin' mitey guilty 'bout somethin' she did with some summer squash. (Now they done lost me there, folks.... could sumbody pleeze 'splain that part to me?)

In the meantime, Xener's behind a curtain whuppin' the butt of another ugly bald-headed feller and puttin' that there pinchin' thang on his neck and gettin' the scoop on what ol' Beer Belly Bubba Bailey iz up to.

Back at the Best Lil' Whorehouse in Texas, ol' Joxter comes a struttin' in like he's the only rooster in a barnyard full o' hens. All them bad gals that works there jest goes nuts over Joxter! (Talk about some desperate gals!) Ol' Joxter tries to put the make on Lee-Uh cuz he thanks she's that trashy Meg gal who's got the hots for him.) Then Lil' Gab splains she ain't Meg, and Joxter feels mitey ashamed for flirtin' with a womwan of the cloth.

Lee-Uh goes upstairs a' lookin' fer Lil' Gab and she finds out they got all kinds a' kinky thangs goin' on there... includin' a pettin' zoo. (Least ways she dern well hopes it's a pettin' zoo!)

Then Lee-Uh decides to teach them lil' trumpets (?) some church songs. But some dirty ol' guards busts in and silly ol' Joxter heads out to rescuw Meg and gets his idjut butt captured and put in a cage.

Xener and Lee-Uh leaves to go back to the temple and Beer Belly Bubba Bailey shows up at that "House o' Ill Repute" and grabs Meg's stoopid hide so he can take her back to the temple and she can tell the dumb Hest-Chan vurgins to drank some poison punch in that there Hest-Chan langwuage.

So she gets up there and reads some gobbledeegook and them gals all drinks that poison stuff and they all fall down lookin' deader than 3-day-old roadkill. But they ain't REALLY dead... they're just playin' possum.... cuz the gal leadin' the service is Lee-Uh, not Meg, and Lee-Uh done told 'em not to be swallerin' it. So they all spits it in Beer Belly Bubba Bailey's face. And he throws a canniption fit and tries to kill Lee-Uh and then Xener shows up yellin', and Beer Belly Bubba Bailey orders his fellers to whup her tail. And then a big ol' ruckus commences.

'Course Beer Belly Bubba Bailey and all them guards get their butts beat, thanks to Xener, Gab, and them other 2 gals what looks jest like Xener.

So Lee-Uh apologizes to Xener and Lil' Gab fer callin' 'em ugly names, and she sez Gab would make a purty good vurgin, and Xener snickers a lil' bit, and it goes off.

WT

Are ya happy now, CM?
(Lordy, it don't take MUCH to entertain SOME folks!)
*TG*