CHAPTER 11
From the Letters of Reil Bardlow, 1st Lt, 124th NYSV. As were sent to Mrs. Emma Collingsworth, Fredricksburg, VA. Graciously on loan from her great, great neice, G. Bardlow.
April 24th
My Dearest Em,
I thought as I left you the other day, that you looked a bit hesitant to admit that I would truely write to you. Well, here it is...and it is with a heart full of my love for you that I only wish I could fully convey through this meager piece of paper. While it has only been several days, I miss you terribly, and hope that upon my return, we may be wed as we spoke of. I long to see you, and hope that the time won’t be long til we are together once more. Your letter, which arrived this morning, was a breath of life in an otherwise dull world. I, myself would have written sooner, but they have kept me busy here like none other time.
I hope this letter finds Flo and Jimmy well and in good spirits. Please tell Jimmy that upon my return we shall have to go for a nice ride together, he did enjoy Alcaeus so. You may inform Flo that my arm is healing nicely, thanks to both your and her attention. I am forever grateful. Send them both my warm regards.
The rain keeps our spirits low, but all I must do is think of you, your warm touch, and brilliant eyes, and my spirits lift from the mire they find themselves drawn to. I must go now, I’ll try to get this letter out on the next post.
All my love, Reil
*
***************************************
*
April 28
Darling Em,
This next letter shall contain several days worth, since finding time to write is very scarce. We must have marched ten miles today, something is definitely going to happen. All the false alarms previously were never like this. It is near midnight, and there is a tension in the air that I can almost touch. Fear not for me, love. I am fine, albeit tired, hungry and thoroughly wet. I love you. Be well. R
It is the next day now, and we can hear the cannons in the distance. Laying in the mud all day is not as comfortable nor nearly as much fun as lying next to you. I would much prefer the latter. My thoughts are always with you. R
Morning of the 29th, we were on the march once more, all the way back past our old camp, then onward. Must have covered eighteen miles today. I no longer regret having done all that wood chopping and marching to picket...it has strengthened my legs and back considerably...the eight days of ration we each carry would be much too heavy otherwise. Many of the men wish we didn’t have to carry such a load, but it is a necessity.R
On the 1st of May, we all hoped to see some actual fighting. It was hot today, and the heaviness of the knapsacks is starting to wear on everyone. The men would much rather fight, than carry on like this marching to and fro. We crossed the Rappahannock today, the men grateful to leave their heavy load hidden in the woods, to retrieve later. Our unit was held in reserve, and saw no action this day, but did hear more cannon fire. Rock sends his regards, I have told him only the briefest of details regarding the incident at the house. I don’t know which I fear more, what he does know about my father, or what his reaction will be if I have to tell him. I will let it go for now, the impending battle needing my attention. I love you. R
We saw some fighting today, nearly got surrounded by the rebs, but pulled back just in time. A minie ball went right through my canteen, but Rock lets me share his. Fear not, my love, I am fine. The 11th let old Stonewall in through the rear, but we held fast and pushed them back. Although it was night, and hard to tell, we think one of our boys actually shot the old man in the arm as he was leaving! Wouldn’t that be grand! A member of the 124th killing off Stonewall himself! Well, we’re behind a sturdy wall now, and shall wait for morning to see what else happens. My love is always with you, my dear Em, think of me often, so that our thoughts may cross each others’ path. R
*
*
*******************************************
*
*
CHAPTER 12
Reil was muddy and tired. The skirmishes they had fought the previous day had wounded several men in her unit, as well as killing a few. But her men were brave, and they fought on, following her, trusting her, to lead them onward. It was the morning of the 3rd of May, and she had only a rough idea what the day would hold. Looking over at Rock, she saw he was weary as well. He handed her the canteen, and she took a long swallow. “No time for breakfast today, Reil. We’re moving out at first light.” Reil nodded. Things were going to get hairy today, she could just feel it.
The unit went straight away to the battlefield, just outside of Chancellorsville. They engaged the enemy for a bit, but before Reil could fire off ten rounds, they were ordered into an area of forest that the locals called ‘The Wilderness’. The fighting in the woods was fierce. Men were falling all around the young lieutenant, screams filling the air as well as the whistling of rounds going by. Reil got the order to fall back, and she ordered her remaining men to do so. As they made their way back through the woods, she thought to herself that she couldn’t be seeing the numbers that she was. By her quick estimate, nearly half the unit was decimated.
Slowly, they made their way back through the woods. Then word came that they were to rally. The young officers first reaction to what they had just gone through was terror. The mere thought of having to do that all over again, nearly made her loose her nonexistent breakfast. Looking at the men arrayed before her though, Reil felt a surge of pride. If these men had come all this way, so far from their homes and loved ones, then she, too, could fight again. She just didn’t like the idea of retreat, no matter how tactically correct it was.
Reil re-formed her men and brought them back down to where they were first posted that day. Sword raised high, golden hair flying out in every direction, she appeared as an angel, an angel of death. She swiftly meted out men’s fates, a battle cry her hymn to the troops, they once again engaged the enemy. Hand to hand, it was a bloody scene. Artillery fire all around them, smoke filling the air. The noise was deafening, it was a wonder that the shouted orders were heard at all.
Rebel forces swarmed out of the woods, colors flying and incoherent noises coming from their throats. They were the devil incarnate to Reil. The reason she existed at that moment. The angel of death needed to thin the earth from the evil it had spawned. It was her job. It was her destiny.
Through the red haze that had become her sight, she reveled in her bloody chore. She could smell the sweat of a thousand men, hear every beat of those thousand hearts. Reil was one with the battle, a small seperate part of her mind registered small cuts, bruises and aches she would surely have later. She ebbed and flowed with the battle, always towards the front. When the guidon bearer fell to a bullet, Reil dashed over to retrieve the company flag, wasting only a second before handing it to a private who stood next to her. When she saw a Confederate soldier lift his bayonet to finish off one of her men, she took careful aim and killed, urging her sergeant, only slightly wounded, to pick up the fallen rebel’s weapon and continue fighting. She was covered in blood and gore, and she was in her element. Fierce and uncompromising, a dark angel on the rampage.
Rock had been fighting side by side with Reil, but an enemy had pulled him off to the right. He saw the mortar coming in, fired off a round into the man he was grappling with, and tried to warn his foster daughter. Reil never heard the shout, so entranced as she was. Fire burned in her veins, men fell before her, she was on top of the world, invincible as only the young can be.
Rock raced over to her after the round had hit, and the grapeshot had passed by. He saw that her leg was a mess, but he still got a pulse. He thanked every god he could think of, as he dragged her limp body off the field. Other soldiers of the unit gave him cover as they were all ordered to retreat. The Rebels won the field that day, called a great victory for the Confederacy. They did, however, lose a key commander in Stonewall Jackson’s death. The tide of the war had shifted again, and Reil’s life was forever changed.
***************************************
Three days later, when Reil finally awoke, Rock knew he would have a fight on his hands. The young woman would surely feel as though Rock thought she couldn’t handle things anymore, or that he really wanted to send her home for her own safety. In reality, her leg was in very bad condition, and she had lost a lot of blood. It had been all he could do, to convince the doctor that not only should he be the one to work on her leg, but that the leg did not need to be removed. It had been touch and go there for a while, Rock being fearful that the doctor would pull rank on him and not let him handle Reil’s case.
Fortunately, the doctor was too busy, and actually grateful that he wouldn’t have to remove the leg himself. He had done that too often lately. Instead, the doctor instructed Rock that he had three days. If the young lieutenant showed any indication of not waking up, or if severe infection set in, he would remove the leg so that the patient might live. Rock was forced to agree, and was grateful when Reil finally woke up.
Rock gently pried Reil’s fingers loose from his frock coat. “No, Reil. You need to rest, recuperate. We can send you to Emma’s. She’ll take good care of you there, and then, maybe, in time, you can come back to the unit. It all depends on how your leg heals.” Reil glared at the tall man, the fire from the other day raging once again in her eyes. Tentatively, she asked, “I’m not kicked out then? What about my men? How many are left?” All that Reil cared about was going back and finishing the fight. Rock placed his elbows on his knees, cradling his face in his hands. He slowly looked up, “No, Reil, your not out of the unit.” he replied softly, his eyes began to tear up. “Out of some five hundred, only about one hundred and twenty five are left. The battle only lasted one more day, with some skirmishing yesterday, then we pulled back.”
Reil lay back down in stunned silence. So many dead. How could that be, she thought. “But the wounded, some will return...” She wanted to believe that the majority of those missing were just wounded. “No,” Rock replied, “that’s with the able bodied wounded.” His head went back into his hands, no words able to describe the loss of so many brave men. “I’ll bet the commander never passed the word along. If he had listened to us, many of those men might still be alive.” Rock thought about that, while true, it was entirely likely that Gen. Hooker wouldn’t have listened anyhow. “Word has it that Hooker expected the Rebs to retreat. He had no calvary to warn him otherwise, having used them elsewhere. Most likely our message never left our colonel’s tent.” Reil felt as though she had let her men down...if only she had been more persistent, more convincing. It was all so unreal.
“I’ve spoken to the commander, Reil. Made arrangements for you to get to the Collingsworth place. You’ll leave in about an hour. I’m afraid I can’t go with you though.” Reil feared that this might be the last time she saw Rock. If there was another battle, they might not get to say goodbye. Carefully, she reached into her jacket pocket and pulled out the bundle of letters that she had placed there over a week ago. They were a bit worn, and muddy, but still intact. She handed him the letters addressed to him. “What’s this then? From your Pa?” Reil nodded slowly, still not sure how to explain it all, only knowing that she had to. “That spy I killed? That was Pa.”
Rock stared in disbelief at the young woman. Reil began hammering questions at him, her built up anger finally finding direction. “Did you know he joined the army, Rock? Did you know which side he fought for? Did you know he was using Emma?” She was practically shouting at him now. In all his life, he never imagined having to answer those questions. He had thought the war big enough to have the two never meet, much less have them kill one or the other. A deep sadness filled his eyes. “Yes, Reil. I knew. He pleaded with me not to tell you. Said it wouldn’t make a difference, that each of you had your own war to fight. I just figured the chances of meeting up were slim, and then, after the war, well...he would tell you in his own time. And, no...I didn’t know anything about him working with Emma. I’m so sorry.”
Rock had never lied to her before. Rock had never done anything to betray her trust. At this point, she didn’t know whether she wanted to believe all of what he said or not. The foundations she had thought her life had been built on came crumbling down with a profoundly silent crash. Reil was beyond an emotional reaction. After all that had happened, her heart screamed out for Emma. She just wanted to be held close by her, get lost in her essence, and forget about everything. But her face showed no emotion. “Leave. Go.”
“But Reil...” The young woman’s face became even more impassive. “Thank you for taking care of my leg. I want to be alone now, sir.” With a heavy heart, Rock rose from his stool, taking one last look at the woman he no longer felt he had the right to call daughter. As he left the tent, he prayed to God that she would find it in her heart to forgive him.