by BardWooHoo
Chapter 1
The haze that covers ones soul in times of stress can
either cloud judgment, or make a body strong enough to dispel
the haze. Never knowing which will prevail is what makes life
interesting. For some, finding a deep dark cave is the answer.
But their lives are forever clouded by fear and regret. For
others, they take lifes bittersweet tendrils and tie them together
to make a strong fiber by which they pull themselves out of
any dilemma. These are the lives worth observing.
And thus deciding this direction, in the service of ones
country, and hearing the bugle call to arms, in which direction
does one go when the bullets fly and cannons thunder the earth
beneath mortal souls? Which way, indeed, when push comes
to shove. Flee in horrified terror, and face possible damnation
for eternity (for who among us would wish to spend eternity
with a coward). Or rise up and fight, but ah... sweet perplexity,
to be brave and righteous for a cause, but to kill...
One can only pray as Hades tallies up the sides. Will the
scales tip in the preferred direction? Make the choice.
Decide...now. But keep in mind, dear friends, death cares not
which side won or lost. Nor does it care how ones demise
occurred. Time is never on anyones side. Decide...now.
***********************************************
The early morning mist had long since burned away as
the sun fully committed itself to the start of the new day. Only
a month before, it would have been a gentle start welcoming a
new day. Today, it blossomed the land into a full inferno,
causing its short trek of one day to seem like an eternity.
Barely an hour had gone by since the orb had made its daily
appearance, and already the heat was unbearable. Reil didn’t
have time to contemplate this phenomenon, she had other
things on her mind.
Strong muscles coiled and relaxed beneath her as she
took a steadying breath in preparation for the next motion.
Sweat poured off her brow, stinging the eyes and blurring the
vision. Vaguely, in the back recesses of her mind, Reil knew
the pain in her leg would soon become unbearable, but the
sheer exhilaration kept the pain at bay. Carefully shifting
positions, she tightened her grip, flowing gracefully along the
crest she was riding, never slowing her pace. Tears poured
from her eyes, mixing with the sweat. Her mind was unable to
tell if the tears were those of joy, or those of sorrow. She was
one with the here and now, one with the past, her heartbeat
racing ahead of her to capture the future. A sense of urgency
overwhelmed her, nearly causing her to cry out from the ache
that filled her heart. Try as she might to hold and capture that
moment, it lasted forever and not at all. In that brief span of
time, she knew the secrets of the universe, and also how little
she truly did know. She came crashing down hard, her body
trembling and taut from the strain. Her body no longer able to
sustain the emotions, she drew her knees to her chest, inhaled a
ragged breath and began to cry harder still.
Riding a bit behind Reil, Rock was able to pull his horse
to a stop and dismount almost immediately. He ran up to the
small form and heedless of the mud, knelt down and drew his
daughter into his arms. A small keening sound was all that
was heard for several minutes from the young woman.
Alcaeus stood nearby, pawing the earth in only mild distress
for the rider he had thrown. “Why?” The question came out
as a tiny plaintive wail to which Rock had no answer. He
knew that the question was multilayered, and he didn’t have
the answers to any of them. Still, they filtered through his
mind as a series of statements. Why was the war happening.
Why were they racing pell mell into another life threatening
situation. Why did two young married people have to be
separated so soon after being joined. Right now, the world
was filled with more questions than any one man could
answer. All he was able to do was offer a temporary safe
haven, so he did.
The comforting presence that Rock was offering finally
found a foothold in Reils’ mind and her body finally relaxed.
“You didn’t break anything did you? Neither Alcaeus, nor
you, have done any serious riding lately. Maybe it’s too much
to ask, what with your leg and all.” Reil sat in the mud,
thinking about all that had happened in the past weeks, and
that a fall off her horse was small in comparison to what she
had already overcome. Drying her tears with the back of her
hand, she came to the conclusion that she had been thinking
entirely too much lately, and wanted only to see her way
through whatever came along so that she could once again be
by Emmas’ side. Reil shoved herself to her feet, ignoring the
concern that Rock had voiced. Come hell or high water, she
would get through it all. Grabbing the reins of her horse, Reil
turned to her captain, her face a cold mask to the emotions
inside threatening to rip her apart if she let them loose. “Let’s
get moving again. We still have quite a ways to go before
nightfall.” With that, she mounted up and was on her way
again at a slightly slower pace, not bothering to see if Rock
followed or not.
It took Rock a moment to comprehend the emotional
ends that Reil seemed to be swinging between. ‘Best leave it
alone,’ he thought to himself, ‘else she’ll get even testier.’
Rock had seen this determination in Reil before. It was not a
sign that she didn’t care, but that she cared too much. Such
raw grit was what had brought Reil into the service of her
country. Was what kept her fighting against overwhelming
odds. Being away from Emma clearly was tearing her up
inside, but seeing her country torn apart was unacceptable to
Reil. Business first, he knew she was thinking, because
solving that problem eventually solved the other more personal
one. The look in her eyes, even though she was the junior
officer of the two, told him volumes of how far she intended to
go to do what was right.
Still, Rock worried that his young officer was pushing
herself, mind and body, to already fragile limits. As the
captain of Company A, it was within his power to declare her
unfit for duty. He knew what his duty should be, and what her
reaction to that would also be. A leg injury as severe as hers
had discharged many a man from duty. A discharge such as
that would not be seen as cowardliness, it would be seen as a
soldier who had fought bravely, and was simply no longer able
to continue as a soldier. But he knew that his young lieutenant
would not see it that way. Sending her home now would
eventually eat away at her soul. That was something that even
Emma couldn’t heal with her love.
So, no, he knew he couldn’t send her away, anymore than
he could make all of her problems go away in one fell swoop.
Gathering up his own reins and mounting his horse, he
followed after Alcaeus. As he looked upon the small figure,
which had become steadily smaller with the distance the young
woman had put between them, he wondered, not for the first
time in his life, just what fate had in store for them all. Pulling
a cloth from his pocket, Rock wiped his brow. He wasn’t sure
where the day would end, what it might bring, but he was sure
of one thing. He had very little control over it all. Glancing up
with a quick prayer to the heavens, he kneed his horse to a
canter. Some days he knew deep in his heart that he was
meant to follow Reil, help her with some higher purpose, but
he was buggered if he could tell what that purpose actually was
at times.
********************************************
When Emma had been arrested, Jimmy had simply
locked the house up and left for Fredricksburg as he had been
instructed. Consequently, upon returning for the wedding, she
and Flo had been hard pressed to make the house suitable for
company. In the short time they were given prior to the
reception, they had managed to tidy up the sitting room, the
dining area and the small front room as well as making the
kitchen as functional as possible. Flo was still beside herself at
the condition of her kitchen, and truly didn’t want to know
what her own small cottage looked like in the light of day.
The soldiers had done an even more complete job than
Emma had remembered, and all had been left just as it had
been. Furniture still lay overturned, drawers pulled out and
their belongings scattered everywhere and while the men had
been exhaustive in their search, they had been unexpectedly
honest.. Emma was extremely surprised to find that the house
had not been looted...very surprised indeed. After saying her
tearful good-byes to Reil that morning, she, Flo and Jimmy set
about putting the house and barn back in proper order.
Several hours later, Emma sat on the back porch, eating
her midday meal. As she reached for her glass of lemonade,
her mind relived those last tender moments shared with Reil on
this very spot, just moments prior to being arrested.
Unwittingly, the precious though brought up the distasteful one
and her mind skipped ahead to the visits Reil would pay her
while she was confined in prison. Those bright spots of each
day, when Reil would wait out on the sidewalk, were the only
thing that had allowed Emma any sense of sanity. Looking
back on it now, it all seemed so very romantic, however trying
it was at the time.
Wistfully, she traced an abstract pattern through the
condensation forming on her glass as her thoughts turned to the
early hours of that very morning. Emma felt a pang of guilt,
knowing that Reil had gotten very little sleep before leaving to
rejoin her unit. The two had spent many hours alone in their
room while still in Washington, but their wedding night was
something special for both of them. It had become a moment
in time that neither would soon forget, wild abandon taking
precedence over any thoughts of tender moments. Each knew
that their time together was put at risk each day the war
continued. Reil had shown a passion that had taken Emma’s
breath away. She could, in fact, still feel every spot Reil had
touched, both within and without, with every breath she took.
A feeling of loss swept over the woman, hot tears making soft
splashes on the wooden planks of the porch.
Flo peered through the windowpane, saddened by the
sight she saw, yet knowing that any comfort she could offer
would only fall short of the type which Emma truly needed. All
morning, Flo had been having an odd sensation flicker through
her mind, teasing her senses and leaving her feeling so very
empty. Seeing Emma sitting there looking so forlorn, she put it
down to empathy, but tucked away the emotion to examine
later. Quietly she walked outside, sat down beside the younger
woman and enveloped her in a warm embrace. Deep down
inside, she knew it would only help the pain ease for a short
while, but Flo found it difficult to stand by and do nothing.
Flo knew well the feelings of loss that Emma now
struggled with. Flo’s family had once been slaves many years
ago when she had been just a young girl of nine or ten winters.
She and her mother, Ustice, had escaped north, thinking that
perhaps Canada would be able to welcome them and treat them
as more than just property. On the way there, they were hired
by Emma’s father, a reputable businessman by the name of
Miles Kilgore. Ustice realized that the atmosphere in
Philadelphia was quite different from that of the Carolinas.
But the trip had been a difficult one, and at first had been leary
of hiring on to a family she knew nothing about. It had taken
many months, but Flo and her mother had eventually come to
the conclusion that they had indeed found a new home.
Not long after arriving in Philadelphia, Ustice had tried
to contact her husband. He had made them promise that they
would do all they could to escape. They had to, he had said,
because a mother and child should not be separated. Those
were the last words Flo remembered her father saying, right
before he had been taken to be sold at auction. Ustice had
tried for years to find him, but to no avail. Finally word came
from some relatives who had managed to escape, Bernard
Jackson, Flo’s father, Ustice’s husband, had died trying to
escape. His last thoughts had been to find his family. So Flo
sat there, gently rocking Emma. She had never been able to
tell her that story, never able to put into words the feelings she
had for a father she remembered so well. Just as now, Flo
knew that Emma couldn’t talk about her pain. So she simply
rocked her.
*********************************************
Pushing hard all morning, Reil and Rock caught up with
the 124th near Emmitsburg. Rejoining her unit was a strange
sensation for Reil. Her stepfather had tried to fill her in on the
activities of the unit since her injury, but seeing the changes
nearly caused Reil to faint. As the two walked their mounts
through the area belonging to Company A, Reil was hard
pressed not to ask Rock if they were in fact in the right
location. So many new faces, so few old. Due to the severe
losses sustained at Chancellorsville, a draft had been ordered.
The new recruits still hailed from the same small towns in New
York, some even bearing resemblance to relatives lost in the
last battle. One such strong resemblance had Reil looking
twice at a young private. She made a mental note not to make
that boy the guidon bearer.
She walked along next to her captain, pitching her voice
for his ears only. “They look scared and green. How far along
have they advanced with their drills?” Rock nodded in
agreement, his face showing clearly his thoughts on the matter.
“Most can load and fire, march in a fairly orderly fashion,
those that can’t will have to pray for divine intervention. The
original company looked near the same when we all first
signed on.” Reil studied the ranks of soldiers, her keen eyes
seeing far to many flaws, no matter the amount of intervention
involved. “True, but we had time to get our act together before
going into battle.” A runner approached, handing the captain a
note. Rock dismissed the young private. “The time they’ve
had will have to do. We leave for Gettysburg immediately.”
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