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The first word I learned to spell was o-p-e-n. I was five, or thereabouts. Ofcourse, I could read a year before that..but I don't think I could s-p-e-l-l. That was when I lived in england, and had a t-a-n, and brown hair, and could wear a b-i-k-i-n-i. Back then I skibbled around in the surf, and was w-i-l-d and wonderful.
That was then, and words like o-p-e-n have been replaced with words like s-e-l-f-e-s-t-e-e-m and s-e-x (or, lack, thereof), and P-M-S. And the word w-i-l-d has been replaced with s-o-b-r-i-e-t-y. The sobriety of being 19, and stuck, and l-o-n-e-l-y. I miss england. I miss being wild. But then, if I had never left..I wouldn't know the honour of being able to miss it, I suppose.
There's a point in here somewhere. Gimme a minute to find it.
When I was 5, I didn't know that I would "grow up" to be a songwriter, or a singer, or an actress. I just knew that I would grow up someday, and that I wanted to be famous..and that was all I needed to know. I didn't know that I would be 5'6, or have b-o-o-b-s, or a p-e-r-i-o-d. Because, when you're five, you don't think about those things..or atleast, I didn't. I didn't know that I would be, what society calls "over-weight". And it's odd, because...I don't see myself as that way. I see myself as beautiful..most of the time, anyway. I'm a woman. A real one. I have the body of a woman..not the body of a 14 year old. I have real breasts, real hips, and a little round belly. I may not be society's idea of a perfect woman..(maybe not even yours..).. but I'm a perfect whatever I am. I also didn't know that when I "grew up", I would be so intimidating to men..that's what I think it is, anyway. They're afraid of me. My grandfather says it's because I'm "statuesque"..which I guess is a compliment. Whoa....I've babbled, haven't I? Back to the point..*looks around for it*
I suppose, if I could do it all over again, there would be a few things I would differently...like....
I'd practice my scales.
I'd make an effort asfar as math's concerned.
I'd be nicer to Robert K..because he was the only one who was really nice to me.
I would kiss a certain someone..he was kinda tipsy..wouldn't have remembered the next day anyway.
There are also a few things I want to do before I get old..so that I don't have to regret NOT ever doing them..
I'm going to learn how to dance. ie, swing, waltz, irish step, tango.
I'm going to make a difference in a child's life..
I'm going to learn italian.
I'm going to be happy.
What I think I'm trying to say is; Life is alot like being in a movie, and watching what goes on around you. And it's interesting, because..even though I miss england, and being a kid, and eating blue ice-lollies..I actually find j-o-y in being older..and looking over my shoulder...and seeing all of that from afar. I'm not saying you should live in the past..but it's important to cherish it. Because that way..even though we all have to grow up...we never really have to grow old. There..I think that's what my point was. Yeah..must have been.
And...lastly..to all you music makers out there....we are the dreamers of dreams.
P.S., Thanks Vanna...I couldn't have come this far without you.
And a special thanks to Ash, the Faeries, Liz, and G-O-D..for keeping me sane. I dunno if it's THE God or not..I've never asked..and it's never told me.