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<br>2. And she had just given birth to a bright babbling blonde bouncing baby boy, whom she named Morris.

<br>3. And at about this same time, the Farrow (King-like thing) of the land Aroma was ordering out for Chinese food.

<br>4. For the Farrow thought that putting as mush MSG in his body as possible would help preserve him once he became a pyramid hopping mummy man.

<br>5. And the Farrow was also a very superstitious man who believed strongly in the Tao, Palm Reading and his lucky Magic 8 Ball.

<br>9. And then the Farrow opened his fortune cookie. which read: "It would behoove you to kill as many people whose name starts with the letter M."

<br>10. Of course the guy who put that message into the fortune cookie (George) was only trying to get back at his wife (Martha) and didn't really expect anyone to actually take the note seriously.

<br>11. Unfortunately the Farrow took the note very seriously and the next day there was a decree issued throughout the land saying: "Everyone whose first initial is M, is now cordially invited to get slaughtered at 7:00 p.m. tomorrow. Black tie is required. Please R.S.V.P."

<br>12. Finally we get back to Morris and his mother. Anyway Morris's mom was worried about what would happen to her son.

<br>13. So she decided that rather than never seeing her child again, she decided to put her child into a tuppperware dish, and set that floating down the Nila River, where he would be safe and she would never see him again.

<br>1. SEVERAL days later, the Farrow's daughter was taking her yearly bath when she suddenly saw a small object floating down the river, Nila.

<br>2. You'll never guess what it was.

<br>4. And Farrow's daughter picked up the can and threw it with all of her might. When it landed it made neither a thump nor a crash nor bang, but rather a Waaaaaaaaaaah!!!! kind of sound.

<br>5. And Farrow looked and she saw a tiny baby wrapped in sweltering clothes and lying in a tupperware. It was Morris (well, I had to tie him back into the story somehow).

<br>6. The Farrow's daughter (how come I keep thinking about this dumb joke every time I write those words?) was a militant lesbian, but like Jonias before her, she desperately wanted a son.

<br>7. So Farrow's daughter got down on her knees and thanked BOB for this blessed miracle.

<br>8. And BOB said, "Don't thank me. Thank Morris's mother." but I digress.

<br>1. Morris was raised in the Farrow's New York penthouse suite by very kind servants and concubines.

<br>2. Until one day, Morris asked Farrow's daughter, "Are you my mommy?"

<br>3. To which Farrow's daughter could but say, "No. Your mother is."

<br>4. And Morris knew, at the tender age of seven, that he had to help free his people, who had no labor organization.

<br>5. Morris continued to live quietly in his adopted home, despite the occasional squabble with his half-brother, who happened to look like Kojak (or maybe even Yul Bryner).

<br>6. Then on his seventeenth birthday, when Morris finally considered himself to be a man, he marched right into Farrow's office and said, "Free my people!"

<br>7. And Farrow, who was hard of hearing said, "Freida Maples? What the hell are you talking about my boy?"

<br>8. And then Farrow slumped back in his chair and died.

<br>9. He kicked the bucket.

<br>10. He passed on.

<br>11. He expired.

<br>12. He gave up the ghost.

<br>13. Well anyway, he's dead. So now Morris's bald half brother steps in and takes over the keys of the Farrowship.

<br>1. AGAIN Morris walked in to Farrow's office (it was a different Farrow this time however) and very slowly and deliberately said, "Let my people go."

<br>2. And Farrow, who still held a grudge said, "No."

<br>3. "Please?"

<br>4. "No."

<br>5. "Pretty please!"

<br>6. "No."

<br>7. "With sugar on top?"

<br>8. "Make me."

<br>9. "I will."

<br>10. So Morris stormed off, trying to think of a way to force Farrow to let his people out. Suddenly there before Morris stood a flaming blue spatula.

<br>11. From within the blue spatula came the voice of BOB saying, "Remove thy left shoe."

<br>12. And Morris, rather puzzled, asked, "Why?"

<br>13. And BOB said, "Like Bad Company once sang, 'You're walking on sacred ground.'"

<br>14. And then BOB instructed Morris to take a stick from the following tree and return to the Farrow and force seven plagues onto the land Aroma until Farrow gave in to his demands.

<br>1. And Morris went and did as his BOB commanded him.

<br>2. And there were seven plagues. The first was a swarm of ducks. And ducks filled the Farrow's lawn. And ducks did inhabit all surfaces of water including kitchen sinks and toilet bowls.

<br>3. And the Farrow's red Porsche was encrusted with duck droppings. And the price of down pillows dropped dramatically.

<br>4. And still the Farrow's heart was hardened (that's what happens when you have to much cholesterol).

<br>5. And the second plague was chronic runny noses. And everyone in the land of Aroma was sniffling and blowing all the time. So there was no quiet.

<br>6. And there was a shortage of Kleenex in the land, so the people used towels and toilet paper and the back of their hand and their down comforters and their shirt tails.

<br>7. And all of the noses in the land were of great scarlet like unto that of a wino.

<br>8. And yet the Farrow would still not let the people go.

<br>10. Attempts at conversation all trailed off into choruses of "doo-dee-doo doot doot doo-dee-doo"

<br>11. And all motions, including those of farming and typing and painting and making love, were all done to the same rhythm.

<br>12. And yet the Farrow would not let Morris & Co. go.

<br>1. FOURTHLY, there was a plague of the rain of urine.

<br>2. For weeks gallons of foul smelling yellow liquid poured out of the skies, and made it impossible to bathe in the river, Nila.

<br>3. And the drinking water was not fit for consumption by a dog.

<br>4. But still Farrow was being a selfish little pig.

<br>5. And then there was fifth plague, the plague of Dali.

<br>6. And all of the watches and other timepieces in the land started melting off of their owner's wrists.

<br>7. And buildings suddenly became as solid as melted butter. And large twigs had to be used in order to to keep the buildings standing.

<br>8. And all the moustaches in the land started looking like eight inch staples turned upward.

<br>9. And still the Farrow acted like a little snot.

<br>13. In fact anything that was even placed on a plate was made into the nasty stuff.

<br>14. And despite the fact that his whole country was starving, Farrow still wouldn't let Morris's people out to play.

<br>1. AND it came to pass that it was time for the seventh and final plague, the plague of the angel of deaf.

<br>2. And the angel deaf went around door to door and every place that didn't have a mailbox shaped like a little barn, the first born male child would go hard of hearing.

<br>3. And when the Farrow's son (the ex-Farrow's daughter's nephew) started having hearing loss, the Farrow wept.

<br>4. But still the Farrow wouldn't let Morris's people go.

<br>5. And Morris didn't know what to do seeing as he only knew seven plagues.

<br>6. And BOB came unto Morris saying, "Why don't you get all of the people together and charge the gates."

<br>7. And Morris said, "What a great idea boss!"

<br>9. And they attacked the gates and they came a-tumblin' down. And then they started wandering around in the forest.

<br>1. And the people of Morris (or the Morrisons as they are now called) were wondering out in the jungle for about three months and living off of this Manna brand unleavened bread.

<br>2. And BOB came unto Morris saying, "Let's go up to Mount Cyanide and have a little chat."

<br>3. And so Morris left his people alone for a little while and climbed the mountain.

<br>4. And once Morris had come to the summit (or peak) BOB said, "Morris let me be straight with you, Your people are a bunch of morons."

<br>5. And Morris said, "I know my Lord, what can we do about it?"

<br>6. "Give them a set of strict and difficult rules until it gets to the point where they become afraid to even sneeze."

<br>7. "Great idea. Do you have any rules with you right now?"

<br>8. "As a matter of fact, I do." and then BOB produced seven slabs of rock each weighing approximately 1/4 ton. On them were written the commandments (which appear later on in this book).

<br>9. And Morris then made some crayon rubbings of the tablets. and brought them off of the mountain to his people.

<br>10. And when he returned, he saw that his people had held a party while he was gone, and now they were all doing stupid stuff like bungee jumping and worshiping the young Elvis stamp.

<br>11. And so Morris grounded all of them for a month.

<br>1. And after forty-seven years of wondering around in the woods, Morris finally had his last piece of Manna and then died.

<br>2. And so the people went back to Farrow and the land of Aroma, because they never really wanted to leave in the first place.