How is the weather out there? I hear you guys recently purchased a new church. Well good for you guys.

<br>2. The reason that I am writing you is three-fold (well that's how many times you have to fold a letter to get it to fit into the envelope. Ha-Ha.)

<br>3. Anyway, I thought I'd just drop you a line to remind you of some of the basic principles of the gospel of BOB, and I if I do a really good job, this letter may actually be canonized into a book of scripture.

<br>4. To be perfectly honest with you though I don't think that there is a shot in hell of that happening.

<br>5. First item of business, remember that a bathroom is different than a restroom. That is why you don't see signs that say "Ladies' Bathroom" because there probably isn't a bathtub in the whole place.

<br>6. However in casual conversation most men and women will say, "Mommy, can I go to the bathroom?"

<br>7. So it is your duty as Pennsylvanians and as Bobists to rise above the peons and say, "This mall has no bathroom. It has but a restroom, even though after rubbing shoulders with you unwashed heathen I am in desperate need of a shower."

<br>8. This will not however bring you a lot of friends.

<br>9. But then again not much about being a Bobist lends itself not unto popularity.

<br>1. NOW, a true Bobist is someone who notices people's, culture's, society's, and humanity's flaws, and often times a Bobist will make lots of money making fun of these flaws.

<br>2. Unfortunately, however ninety-six times out of a hundred and one, the ones being lampooned will spend a lot of money hearing you complain about how awful they are, but they will not change their filthy habits.

<br>3. So do not become a lover of other people's flaws just because you get some cash in the process.

<br>4. Besides to be a true Bobist one must first recognize their own faults and then either try to change their problems or they could find some place where no one really minds and then try to live with their flaws.

<br>5. And do not spend a lot of time trying to get money. Because, even though money can buy happiness, if you are too pre-occupied with trying to get the money in the first place you may forget to actually go out and purchase some happiness.

<br>6. And now I warn you again, Do not do what others want you to do.

<br>7. If people tell you what they want you to do they have at least put some thought into it and they think that it would be a good idea for you.

<br>8. However, if your peers are just sending you these subtle little hints, and saying stuff like, "Some day you really ought to . . . " it's just because they're doing whatever it is alone and they don't want feel abnormal.

<br>9. Besides that, they probably want someone smarter than them to stand up to their defence when the whole thing crashes down on them.

<br>10. So if you are under the impression that you're the only one of your friends that doesn't like Garth Brooks, take it as a complement.

<br>1. AND now I will exhort you that you put your faith in BOB, because if you don't he will strike thee with a lightening bolt.

<br>2. And remember, you are always, approximately 24,85<br>9.82 miles due south of yourself, so act like it.

<br>3. And when things get too weird, or too normal, or just don't know anymore, you should rely on "The Meaningless Gesture", which is like unto that of making a shadow doggie, and when necessary you can whisper the word, "Hef" to go along with it.

<br>4. Does 2 + 2 = 4 ? Not exactly, but it as as close a humanly possible.

<br>5. But what are the differences? First of all one is on the left side and the other is on the right.

<br>6. And one is a question while the other is a quantity. Besides you can't add two and two because first of all there are not exactly the same. Because nothing ever exactly equals anything.

<br>7. However when asked what two plus two equals on a math test, don't write all of this down, it involves too many words and abstract concepts and letters that don't stand for anything for most math teachers to handle.

<br>8. Besides most math teachers are illiterate anyway.

<br>1. THERE is this fly buzzing around the room and it is really distracting me.

<br>2. Anyway, have you ever noticed how some things are too good to be true, but nothing is ever too bad to be true, or even too purple to be true. And do you know what, there's a reason.

<br>3. I sincerely hope that I have not bothered you too much already O.K.

Love,

John

<br>4. P.S. Harriet, shave your knuckles.