THE END
--Let my appearance fool you. I look like a typical, annoying, whining, grunge-wearing Slacker. While I may deny being one, the true hallmark of any good Generation Xer is their refusal to be categorized as such. I’d like to think that I follow my own rules, that I’m not tied down by any expectations of my elders, peers, or the media . . . just like everyone else my age. Yep, whether I admit it or not, I was part of the demographic target audience for “Reality Bites”. I’m not even one of those granola activist Evergreen subset members, but am right there amongst the non-voting, political apathetic “New Silent Majority”. And while I do not claim to be a spokesperson for my generation, anyone else who really did speak for us would make the same disclaimer.
--If we really do hate the way the world is being run, then why don’t we go out there and vote? Something like only twenty percent of those who could vote did last November. Obviously the results of the last elections didn’t accurately reflect what we think. So what do the rest of us think and why didn’t we care enough about our opinions to do anything about them? Here’s my humble opinion: The problem is that our government is being run by politicians. All politicians are either thieves or lunatics (except for Sonny Bono, who no matter how fascist his current political leanings are will always be cool in my book, babe)
--Remember Czechoslovakia? (Like The Who people keep forgetting that they broke up). For their first and only presidential elections they didn’t have any real politicians to vote for. So who did they elect? A Playwright. Granted, the country shortly thereafter disintegrated, but still it was cool, which is all we are looking for. Now I’m not saying that we Xers should vote for Neil Simon next time around (David Mamet maybe). What I am saying is that anyone stupid enough to voluntarily run for public office is unfit to hold public office. Even those who are not career politicians who chose to run for office have to be A.) very rich B.) very masochistic (witness H. Ross Perot).
--Every two years its the same thing. The voters get angrier and angrier. Fewer and fewer of us show up to vote at all. Each time we vote for CHANGE and each time it stays exactly the same. Politicians don’t even wait until they’re in office anymore. They start recanting their campaign promises the minute they get elected. We keep threatening them with term limits and campaign reform, but that won’t help. In order to appeal to enough people to win the election each side goes as centrist as possible. These days voting Republican or Democrat is like voting Coke or Pepsi, McDonalds or Burger King, NBC or CBS. Even an extremist going the wrong way would be more interesting than politics as usual.
--So what am I suggesting that we slackers do about it? Obviously staying home and not voting isn’t enough any more. No one knows why we are boycotting anymore, so various random, unqualified lunatics (such as myself) are assigned the job of telling what we must be thinking. Our disinterest and cynicism isn’t hurting anyone but ourselves yet. My anti-political disorganization, The Active Apathetic, and I used to promote voting for the third, fourth, or fifth party candidate. There are two main problems with this. ONE: You may end up with a prohibitionist, Ross Perot, or some other even worse extremist. TWO: Most of the time there isn’t a third party guy running.
--It’s time terrorist tactics on behalf of the fanatically bored. What I suggest is picking a random name out of the phone book. Kidnapping him or her. And then, campaigning her against her will. Shutting her off from all media input and output. Then, when she gets elected (if everyone who didn’t vote voted for him it would be a landslide) for the first time we would have a government official working against getting re-elected. Legalize cannabis? Heck we could legalize cannibalism, reinstitute slavery, and Rhode Island might secede from the union. Sure they country would go to hell in a handbasket, but we going there anyway so we might as well have fun while we’re at it. So if you’re young and you don’t care . . . vote for Yeardley Smith in 1996!
THE END
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