END OF PART II-------------------------------------------------------------
SCENE 22 - Intr. of a hospital room. EUGENE is in bed. He has a black eye and one leg in a cast. A DOCTOR is with him.
DOCTOR
-- You were very lucky that you weren’t hurt any more, Mr. Simon.
EUGENE
-- I’m . . . I’m very good at faking my own death, Doc. I read somewhere that they’ll stop beating you if they think you’re dead.
DOCTOR
-- That’s good for you. You could’ve very easily died for real last night.
EUGENE
-- Thanks. You just brightened my day.
DOCTOR
-- Don’t worry you’ll be out of here in a couple of days.
EUGENE
(sarcastically)
-- Sure.
The DOCTOR leaves and KYLE enters.
KYLE
-- Geez. You look pretty beat up there.
EUGENE
-- Yes, but it’s what on the inside that counts right?
KYLE
-- I don’t know, man. You look pretty sick from out here.
EUGENE
-- Well, I feel pretty sick from in here too, Kyle.
KYLE yawns.
EUGENE
-- And you look pretty tired. Didn’t you get any sleep last night?
KYLE
-- Well, I was . . . “busy” last night. (Confidentially) Trust me, Gene I’ve never had a woman as good as this one.
EUGENE
-- Oh? What’s her name?
KYLE
-- It’s Terrrrrrr (realizing that he had better not say it) . . . I forgot.
EUGENE
-- Classy, Kyle, very classy. You sleep with the greatest woman in your life and then you don’t even remember her name.
KYLE
-- Well, uh . . . so when are you getting out of here?
EUGENE
-- A week or so.
KYLE
-- Well, don’t try to call me till Thursday. I’ll be in Bermuda.
EUGENE
-- Oh, great. Leave me in my hour of need.
KYLE
-- Listen there’s not much I can do for you until you’re well enough to start to, you know
EUGENE
-- For the last time, I don’t need you to recommend any of your girls for me.
KYLE
-- O.K. O.K. Oh, by the way, I heard they caught those guys who beat you up last night.
EUGENE
-- Well, it shouldn’t have been hard to find Don Karlin’s house!
KYLE
-- Donald Kar- what does he have to do with this?
EUGENE
-- He helped them beat me up! Really.
KYLE
-- I don’t know what they’ve got you on, Gene, but I think you should cut the dosage.
SHAUNA walks into the room.
SHAUNA
-- I just heard what happened to you. I was so worried last night.
KYLE
-- Who is this?
EUGENE
-- Kyle, this is my landlady, Shauna Renaltro. Shauna, this is my friend, Kyle Johnson.
KYLE
(slyly, nudging EUGENE)
-- Why didn’t you tell me about her?
EUGENE
-- What’s there to tell. I mean we’re just, well, uh . . .
SHAUNA
-- I’m sorry for all those things I said about you last night.
EUGENE
-- Things? What things?
SHAUNA
-- Well, when 8:30 rolled around and you still weren’t there. I said some pretty nasty things about you. That’s when the hospital called me . . . I was so worried. I forgot all about you missing our date.
KYLE
-- Date?
EUGENE
-- Yeah, I know. I’m sorry. I wanted to be there but I was . . . busy.
SHAUNA
-- Getting beat up.
KYLE
-- You didn’t tell me about any date?
EUGENE
-- I knew you’d make too big a thing out of this.
KYLE
-- What? Your first date in two years?
SHAUNA
-- I think that is a wonderful thing to celebrate.
EUGENE
-- It’s only been 19 months.
SHAUNA
-- Still, that’s kind of special.
EUGENE
-- You know, you’re right. I tell you what, Shauna, as soon as I am out of here let’s go out to The Imperial Garden and celebrate.
KYLE
-- Sounds like fun, you two.
EUGENE
-- Hey, why don’t you bring your nameless date and come along with us, Kyle?
KYLE
-- I, uh, don’t think she, uh, likes Chinese food, Gene.
EUGENE
-- Ah, c’mon. We’ll have a great time.
KYLE
-- I don’t know . . .
-------------------------------------------------------------
SCENE 23 - Intr. of The Imperial Garden, A small, nice, classy, Chinese restaurant. Sitting around a table is EUGENE, KYLE, SHAUNA, and TERESA. The atmosphere is strained and tense to say the least. TERESA is not eating her food, she’s just staring at it wih disgust. The others are eating heartily.
EUGENE
-- You look well, Teresa.
TERESA
-- Thank you.
KYLE
-- She’s been working out a gym.
EUGENE
-- I know.
awkward pause
SHAUNA
-- So, Kyle, Eugene here tells me you’re a percussionist.
KYLE
-- Yes.
SHAUNA
-- I bet that’s a lot of fun.
KYLE
-- Well it beats accounting.
SHAUNA laughs. The others stare at her. She stops instantly.
SHAUNA
-- Beats? Percussion? Don’t you get it?
KYLE
(confused)
-- No.
awkward pause.
EUGENE
-- This is really great food.
SHAUNA
-- I love Chinese food.
KYLE
-- Mmm, yeah. This is a really good restaurant.
TERESA
-- I hate Chinese food.
KYLE
-- Well, for a Chinese restaurant, this is pretty good.
TERESA
-- Not really.
KYLE
-- It’sssss . . . very clean though.
TERESA
-- Yeah, it’s clean.
SHAUNA
-- Well, this is my favorite restaurant of all time.
EUGENE
-- I think it’s a wonderful place. Thanks for suggesting it.
awkward pause
TERESA
(standing up)
-- I’ve got to go to the restroom. Will you guys excuse me?
KYLE
-- Sure dear. We’ll be waiting for you.
TERESA leaves
EUGENE
(to SHAUNA)
-- Do you need to go too?
SHAUNA
(puzzled)
-- No.
EUGENE
-- I thought that all women had to go to the bathroom in packs.
SHAUNA
-- No, that’s just a stupid myth concocted by mindless sit-com writers and believed by pigheaded chauvinists.
EUGENE
-- That’s what I thought too. I was just making sure.
awkward pause
EUGENE
(angrily to KYLE)
-- How could you be dating my wife?
KYLE
-- You’ve been separated for two weeks.
SHAUNA
(quickly)
-- I’ve got to go to the powder room, Gene.
SHAUNA leaves.
EUGENE
-- We don’t sign the papers until tomorrow. She’s still technically my wife.
KYLE
-- Well, you’re dating someone else, too. Why can’t she?
EUGENE
-- That’s different.
KYLE
-- Why?
EUGENE
-- Just because . . . I said so. I don’t know. You didn’t tell me that you were sleeping with Teresa!
KYLE
-- I knew you were going to get upset.
EUGENE
-- Upset?!? She told me that she was frigid.
KYLE
-- It isn’t my fault that she was lying to you.
EUGENE
-- And . . . and you’ve moved in with her? Into my house?
KYLE
-- No. That’s the other guy, Tom.
EUGENE
-- There’s another guy?
KYLE
-- Yeah. You know the guy she met down at the gym.
EUGENE
-- How many guys was she seeing while we were married?
KYLE
-- C’mon Gene, You know me better than that. I didn’t start dating her until I heard about your separation. As far as Tom goes, I’m . . . pretty sure she didn’t know who he was until that one day at the gym.
SHAUNA rather shyly returns to the table.
SHAUNA
-- Uh, Kyle. Your date just left with some guy she met at the bar.
KYLE
-- Damn! That’s the second time she’s done that to me this week. (Leaving hurriedly) Teresa! Teresa come back here!
SHAUNA and EUGENE sit and look at each other with a “Now What Do We Do” look. Fade-out.
-------------------------------------------------------------
SCENE 24 - Intr. of EUGENE’s apartment. He is sleeping in the uncomfortable cot that he uses for his bed. Using the same dissolve as last time we enter EUGENE’s dreams . . .
-------------------------------------------------------------
SCENE 25 - A field in the middle of the day. The sun is shining and there are flowers on the hills. Shot of EUGENE. He is quite a bit more athletic and tanned looking than in real life. He is wearing a white button down type shirt with puffy sleeves and ruffled cuffs. All the buttons are undone, save for the bottom one, exposing his chest. The other shot is of SHAUNA. She is wearing a white, Victorian dress and a large sun bonnet. Her hair is much longer now and is blowing gently in the breeze. She rips off her glasses in a clichéd movie way that indicates “Now I Am Beautiful, All You Guys Who Scorned Me Are Now Jealous” In the same cheesy, Hollywood way, we alternate between shots of EUGENE and SHAUNA running towards each other in slow motion, with muzak strings playing in the background. SHAUNA’s hat flies off. Then when they are both finally in the same frame (about 1 foot from each other) EUGENE gets machine gunned very thoroughly (splattering blood on SHAUNA), and dies. The slo-mo stops, but the “Love Theme from The Death . . .” plays on through the rest of the scene.
SHAUNA
-- Huh? What happened?
We now see TERESA who is wearing a sleek, villainous, black, tight dress and is holding a rather large smoking machine gun.
TERESA
-- What do you think happened? I just killed Eugene.
SHAUNA
-- But why?
TERESA
-- I hate all this mushy romance kind of stuff.
SHAUNA
-- But I hardly got to know the guy and now he’s dead.
TERESA
-- Then I saved you just in time.
SHAUNA
-- Wellllll . . . I guess you’re right. He did seem like kind of a dork. I don’t know. I guess I should thank you.
-------------------------------------------------------------
SCENE 26 - Intr. of EUGENE’s apartment, night. EUGENE suddenly wakes up.
-------------------------------------------------------------
SCENE 27 - Intr. of the same coffee shop that we opened in. This time EUGENE and SHAUNA are having breakfast. EUGENE is handing a stack of papers back to SHAUNA.
EUGENE
-- These are . . . are really lovely.
SHAUNA
-- Do you really think so?
EUGENE
-- Yes they’re lovely.
SHAUNA
(embarrassed but thrilled out of her mind)
-- Which one do you like best?
EUGENE
-- Oh . . . I don’t know. They were all so good.
SHAUNA
-- Are you saying that they’re all the same?
EUGENE
-- What? Oh no no. Each one is unique and different. I liked some better than the others.
SHAUNA
-- Which ones didn’t you like?
EUGENE
-- I . . . uh . . . well, I liked all of them. It’s just that some are more . . . well bet . . . no they we’re all different each in their own special and unique way.
SHAUNA
-- Oh really. Which one was your favorite?
EUGENE
-- The . . . uh . . . the . . . that - that one . . . where you compare love to a rose.
SHAUNA
-- Yeah, that’s one of my favorites, too. I bet no one’s ever compared love with a flower before. It just fits so beautifully.
EUGENE
-- Yeah, how sweet it smells and yet how painful the thorns are it’s almost tragic. One thing you forgot to mention was that both roses and love are darned expensive too.
SHAUNA
-- You’re the first person I’ve ever let read my poetry. I’ve always dreamed that one day, millions of people would be reading it, but I was always too afraid.
EUGENE
-- You shouldn’t be afraid to share your gifts.
SHAUNA
-- Are you saying that my poems are a gift? You mean you really really like them?
EUGENE
-- No! They’re inane pointless and repetitive. The symbolism is clichéd, the metaphors are over-used and your subject matter has been beaten down into the ground with a large anvil. Your “poetry” has the gastronomical effects of consuming 300 antacid tablet and a bottle of Pepto-Bismol. Your poems are so bad even Hallmark wouldn’t publish you.
SHAUNA
(somehow not hearing a word he just said)
-- What? I didn’t hear you.
EUGENE
-- I just said that your poems made me weep. You have to get them published.
SHAUNA
-- Oh, thank you thank you. No one has ever supported me like this before.
The two of them hug over the table.
-------------------------------------------------------------
SCENE 28 - Intr. of a sports arena. EUGENE and SHAUNA are watching a basketball game. He has lots of paraphernalia with him, she is just sipping on a soda and eating a hot dog.
EUGENE
-- No, no, no. See, the blue guys are now trying to put the ball into the other basket.
SHAUNA
-- Oh I see. I thought they were just confused or something. That happened at the other basketball game I saw.
EUGENE
-- Those were the Harlem Globetrotters. They were supposed to do that.
SHAUNA
-- I don’t know. The green guys got pretty mad.
EUGENE
-- That was . . . entertainment, this is professional basketball.
SHAUNA
-- You mean this isn’t supposed to be entertaining. It’s doing a good job then.
EUGENE
-- No this is . . . technically a form of entertainment, too. But there’s so much more to it than just enjoying it. There’s much more to it than that. You’ve got to get a feel for the game, keep track of a team statistics, study the scores of previous games, and start to know some of the players.
SHAUNA
-- You actually know some of the players. Do you know the guy who does those shoe commercials. I think he’s in basketball.
EUGENE
-- I don’t mean I know the players personally. I know their statistics. I know how well they can play and what they’re going to do.
SHAUNA
-- If you know what they’re going to do, why do you watch the game.
EUGENE
-- Because it’s entertaining.
SHAUNA
-- I just don’t get it. The other game I went to was very entertaining, but this one is just . . . blah.
EUGENE
-- You were only twelve years old at the last game you went to.
SHAUNA
-- I think they should have let they guy who was balancing all those balls keep on going.
EUGENE
-- But the time-out was over, the game needed to get started again.
SHAUNA
-- I don’t know why those guys couldn’t have waited. They make enough money. He was only three balls short of breaking a world record.
EUGENE
-- He was just the entertainment. He’s not why we came here.
SHAUNA
-- I thought we did come here for entertainment.
EUGENE sighs.
-------------------------------------------------------------
SCENE 29 - Intr. of a small dark musty coffee shop (nothing like the “stop on in for breakfast” one at the beginning) There are flyers posted erratically all over the walls and there are no windows. Everywhere there are lagre, icon-like, black and white posters of James Dean. There is a raised stage with a single microphone and a spotlight on it. EUGENE and SHAUNA are sitting at a table in the back. SHAUNA is nervously clutching a sheet of paper. She is dressed completely inappropriately for her surrounds. She is wearing her good “Sunday dress which is a flower patterned sundress in white, pink, and yellow. EUGENE is sipping on a cola in a glass with a straw. The MANAGER a small portly man walks on stage and adjusts the microphone to his height. The audience is small and quiet, but very appreciative.
MANAGER
-- Welcome all you poetry-lovers to The Filthy Hole-in-the-Wall’s Thursday Open Mike Poetry Night. (mild applause) We have quite a line-up for you this evening. Including many familiar faces and a couple of new ones too. But before the festivities begin I’d like to tell everybody about our two-for-one coffee nights on Sundays from 11:30 till 4:00. It’s the best damn coffee in the business, and it’s only served here at The Filthy Hole-in-the-Wall. where James Dean himself, or somebody who looked a lot like him ordered a cheeseburger and even took a leak at what is now the Jimmy Dean Urinal Shrine just 28 years, 7 months, and three days ago from today. (Loudest applause yet) Now to open up tonight’s readings is local favorite . . . Johnny Tuteldge. (mild applause)
On stage wanders JOHNNY. He is a funky weird guy with all-black clothing, a beret, and a goatee. His movements are very fluid and loose like he has had too many drugs in his collective lifetime. During the reading of his poem his voice’s emotions jumps around sporadically as if trying to convey some feeling that really isn’t there. He also gestures to fit the words.
JOHNNY
-- O.K. Cats, this one is called “Bearded Nuns In Bondage” and it’s dedicated to all you cats out there who actually exist on this plane of reality. I feel sorry for you.
--Oh how the wind wind howls like
--a mother learning that she just killed
--her only child. And so the trash of the
--ages grabs hold of my foot.
--The foothills of the Rockies are not Purple
--They are not Purple and green infested with
--Froot Loops. My mother doesn’t love you.
--No. No. No. No. No. No. They are lies.
--Lies set upon the foothills of the Northerly Wind.
--Oh how it Howls. Howls at the moon.
--Howls at the stars. Howls. Howls.
(he actually Howls like a wolf here)
--Mr. and Mrs. Howell.
--The Professor and Mary Ann. I love you.
--Kill me now!!!
Mild applause as JOHNNY bows wildly and thanks the crowd as if recieving a standing ovation. The MANAGER comes back on stage.
MANAGER
-- Next up, we have a delightful young lady named Shauna Renaltro. This is her first visit to The Filthy Hole-in-the-Wall, so lets give a big warm welcome to . . . Shauna Renaltro. (no audience response whatsoever)
EUGENE
-- Don’t worry honey, you’ll do fine. You can’t do worse than that last guy anyway.
SHAUNA
(slowly finding her way on stage, nervous out of her mind)
-- Uh . . . hello? The, uh, poem that I’m going to read is “The Rose”
--My Love is like a red, red rose.
--With some care it grows and grows.
--It’s perfume fragrance fills the air.
--I’d like to smell it everywhere.
--And though it is a tiny flower.
--I’d like to watch it every hour.
--But when you touch it please be wary.
--The thorns are sharp and very many.
--I know some day my rose will die.
--Just like the love of you and I
--And when it does I’ll cry and cry.
--It’s not too late for good-bye.
The Audience goes nuts. They love her poem. SHAUNA sits down and EUGENE comforts her. We pull back and see this other beatnik couple in the foreground.
BEATNIK 1
-- I think that the Rose is actually a symbol for the decline of poetry and its importance into culture today.
BEATNIK 2
-- I liked the way it took an almost William Carlos Williams simplicity and stretched it into a satirical farce of the entire history of modern American poetry.
BEATNIK 1
-- It was quite subtle. One wonders if even the poet herself knows what she is saying.
BEATNIK 2
-- Are you speaking politically or philosophically? Because her call to a matriarchal society was so blatantly obvious it had to be intentional . . .
END OF PART II
© 1997 mcramahamasham@hotmail.com
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