art by my friend vance,
based on a photo of me by todd v. wolfson,
with lyric frag by mark eitzel...

*****
ah, remembrances of things past.........
were there a soundtrack to my life, here's what you'd hear.....

'hot burrito#1' - the flying burrito brothers.
gram parsons was my jesus
at a time when i was no more than a little hippie wannabe,
starving for intellectual stimulation,
in the armpit of west texas.
it was bad enough, you see,
that while my classmates were grooving to zz top and the doobie brothers......
i was totally immersed
in the velvet underground/lou reed, bowie, dolls, t rex, mott the hoople sensibility.
and *she* has the nerve to write abt these bands
that no one has ever heard of
for the school paper?
and loves a country band that isn't even country?
and as i light up,
driving down hwy 80,
'72 maverick roaring at abt 78,
my homemade 8 track wails...
'you may be sweet and nice/but that won't keep you warm at night'........
a tear.

'wild horses' - rolling stones.
childhood living *is* easy to do......
keith shd have sung this one.
and the burrito bros covered it, as well.
gloriously, i must add.
still, the stones version is the one that lies within my marrow.
absent friends, lost to that abyss.....
this song reminds me of all of them.
' let's do some living/after we die.'
a postscript....those who know alejandro escovedo's 'thirteen years'...
this is the 'favorite song' mentioned in that lyric.

'pale blue eyes' - velvet underground.
...was there ever a song abt infidelity
that was so evocative of every love affair since time immemorial.....
lou is so conflicted...
and the beauty lies in that vacillation btwn worship and disdain.....

'suzanne' - leonard cohen.
i digress....i was a child...maybe 9 or 10....somehow i recognized the underlying sexuality,
and i was drawn to this song in the same manner one rubbernecks at an auto accident.
'...touched her perfect body with yr mind.'

'thunder road' - bruce springsteen.
....loving punk and new wave, yet dancing all night to disco....
it's 1978, and i'm in lubbock....
my life is at such an unenviable crossroad....
every bad decision i have ever made was made during a twelve month period...
including this one...
where i'm in the flatlands btwn lubbock and littlefield...
going abt 78 mph, again;
lighting up, again;
this time in a fastfastfast '75 camaro.....
i loved that car.....
and i'm so empty inside.
bruce speaks to me, and i smile.

'the river' - more bruce.
i'm a young bride.
i have fucked up my life, and i know it.
this song of lost potential draws copious tears...
it reaches me on an organic level.
still there's a glimmer of hope...
somewhere...
i just need to find it.

'last night i dreamt somebody loved me' - the smiths.
this song is ana. always. morrissey minus mockery.

'gratitude walks' - american music club.
some of you know this story....
6am, sunday, chinatown(manhattan) hungover...walking for the 6 train.
black short dress, black heels from the night before. a vision. a bad art flick.

'chanelno5' - american music club.
even tho' my ex boyfriend and i have severed our relationship a few months past,
he takes the opportunity to beat the everloving shit out of me. ouch. what a bruise.

'hwy 5' - american music club.
because.....a lover who *is* barren. emotionally.

'i wish i were yr mother' - mott the hoople.
why we sometimes hold on to that memory of a relationship long gone.
wishing at least a familial relationship, because the sexual and emotional intimacy can never be again.

'famous blue raincoat' - jennifer warnes.
actually a leonard cohen song.....anything from this album works.

'tiny tears' - tindersticks.
....make up an ocean...the soundtrack for my life.

and finally.....

'friend of the family' - game theory.
from a young scott miller,
there are lyrics that often meet my 'cringe factor' test.....
but still an esentially well-written song of anger, frustration which contains my favorite bleak vision.
and here it is, 1998.... "at the funeral of our love....."
no coincidence that this was
the first album--
the first scottsong we ever discussed,
dear one.

fin.

'sing me back home before i die..."- merle haggard

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