Dear, Sweet Girl

She walked down the hall briskly. Her efforts to keep her chin up and shoulders back were not only failing, but also plainly visible. Her pale blue eyes appeared grey. The corners of her angelic lips turned down. Her cheeks looked sallow. She turned towards her locker and meticulously set about opening the red and silver lock. Her chest rose and fell sharply. She was slightly out of breath from hurrying up the stairs and rushing down the hall.

She was not a beauty. She was not a sharp dresser. She was not slim and shapely. Most people wouldn't even pay her a second glance if it weren't for her thick crimson eye makeup and dark blue lips. She didn't mind people looking at her. She liked the attention she received. She didn't mind what they said about her. At least that's what she managed to convince herself.

She liked people but they didn't return the emotion. She wasn't sure why they didn't like her. She thought it might be because she wasn't pretty. She thought maybe it was because she never had a real boyfriend. She thought perhaps it was because she stood up for herself. Who knows exactly why people didn't like her. She was nice, and helpful. She was kind and courteous. She was loyal and friendly. She was smart and well spoken. This girl was lonely! She needed friends. She needed acceptance. I also think she needed me.

Someone who knew her called her name out. She looked up and smiled at her approaching friend. I imagine they exchanged pleasantries, they smiled. They probably exchanged jokes, they laughed. I loved to watch her frowns turn to smiles. I loved to watch her laugh. The grey in her eyes would appear a heavenly blue. The corners of her mouth would turn up and expose her glistening white teeth. Her beautiful hair even seemed to glow brighter. Just watching her laugh and smile made me beam with love for her.

After her friend departed, her eyes were still glowing, a small grin was still plastered on her face. I approached her. I bade her a warm hello and smiled my brightest. Her smile perked up. Her eyes glowed brighter. It always seemed that her brightest smiles were saved for me.

As the hair from behind her ear fell on her cheek, I longed to push it into place for her. I longed to do many things for her. We talked about everyday things. One of my female friends walked up to us and asked me to walk her to class. I agreed and said good-bye. I prayed that she wouldn't get the wrong idea. She gave me a smile and a warm so long but I thought I noticed a sadness creep into those eyes. I wanted to grab her and hug her. I wanted to kiss her neck. I wanted to stroke her hair. I wanted to feel her arms around me. Instead I mumbled a quick good bye and told her I'd see her at lunch. I stalked off down the hall upset at my friend for pulling me away from that dear sweet tortured girl. I remembered that I'd see her at lunch and a secret smile touched my lips.

I stalled at my friend's locker. He was hungry and wanted to leave. I wouldn't let him leave quite yet. I made him wait while I fixed my jacket. I made him impatient when I forced him to stay while I rummaged through my bag. I made him quite upset when I re-tied my boots and made him wait. I had finally run out of delay tactics and straightened myself up. I took up a breath and prepared myself to tell him why I wanted him to wait for that dear sweet girl. My words caught in my throat as I heard her angelic voice behind me.

There she was with her friend. We all exchanged our pleasantries. We started towards the door. We talked about this and that. As we reached the narrow sidewalk, we split into pairs. She was walking with her friend and laughing about different things. I wanted so very much to walk with her, but I wouldn't let myself disturb her and her friend's hushed conversation.

Lunch was wonderful. I was able to wrangle a seat across from her. I was able to look at her face. My mind was only on her and on her words. On the way back I received my chance to walk with her. We talked about the mundane. We discussed important issues. All the while I longed to put my arm around her. I wanted so very much to whisper into her ear infinite I love you's. I wanted to make her happy and so she could forget her unknown pain.

We reached the school much too early for my liking. She and her friend wished us a good-bye and disappeared into the crowded halls.

After school, I kept an eye out for her. I wanted so very much to see her. I desired to hear her bell-like voice sounding in my ears. I went up to her friend who informed me she should be down shortly. I was very distracted as I kept a lookout for that dear sweet girl. I attempted small talk nonetheless. When I saw that dear sweet girl I broke off the conversation sharply and rushed to greet her. She beamed at her friend and I. My imagination said her smile was just for me. She claimed her mother had just arrived to whisk her away. However it was much too early and her mom never saw her again. None of us did.

Her best friend is up at the front of the church. Although she always vehemently claimed to be totally independent from all organized religion, they still held her service in a church led by a man of the cloth. Her friend continued and on about the deceased's loyalty, wit, intelligence, and talents. I am now officially sick of it. I want to run up there and tell the whole room how great she was, because she just was. I wish, I, on that fateful day of death, had proclaimed my love to her. I believe it could have made the difference between her life and death. Instead of possibly holding her in my arms at this very instant I am sitting with the desire to cry rising in me. Her suicide note! Her best friend said something about a suicide not. She was going to continue with the reading of her last written words.

"To all I love, or that loved me, I have departed from your world with a hope that whatever lies ahead isn't as hard and desolate as what I face each and every day. This world that is yours never belonged to me. It was never a haven for me to be happy in. I think I made the right decision. If there is a Hell, I hope it's fun. I know that's where I am headed since I don't believe in God and never tried to follow the commandments. I'm still not sure if I believe in God. I don't think there is one but I haven't quite convinced myself yet. Well, I will soon find out, won't I? I am content with the fact that my life was not meant to exceed 16 years. I kill myself because each and everyday was a struggle. I know a few people did care deeply for me and to those people I am sorry. I killed myself because I am a compulsive liar. I lied to everyone with the exception of my best friend. I am sorry to all of you. I don't have many friends and always feel left out. My home life isn't happy either. I always wanted a boyfriend desperately. Maybe if I had found love things wouldn't have had to end like this. I wish some man could have found it in his heart to love me..."

Some man? Love me? Her words resounded in my mind. A man! A man? How could that dear sweet girl have only wished for a man? She's dead and only wanted a man. I picked myself up and rushed past the mourners. I pushed my way into the stair well and ascended the stairs quickly. A man was all she wanted? I cannot believe this... how? I can't. I will not! Pushing my long hair out of my face. A man. A man? I pushed open the door that leads to the roof. I had to push hard for my slender arms felt weak. I walked to the edge of the roof. I relived the last day I spent with that dear sweet girl. A man! A man? I still couldn't believe it. I realized I had no reason to continue living. I straightened my skirt. I cried out in anguish. I clasped my hands in my heavy breasts and with one last shrill cry I jumped to my death. A man was all she wanted? The fool known as I has seized to exist.

The End

by Cherry Bomb

Editors Note: Okay so that's already on my personal homepage and it's really long but I think that's one of the best stories I've ever written. Much better than my crappy Hallowe'en one.

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