Once upon a time in the second city of the Frozen Lands, the Fire Demon and the Young Evil One who was Utterly Adorable and Fully Aware of His Potential were out consorting with friends, relieving the stress of a hard day's work. There were no strange drugs, unless one count fermented herring brine, but there was much wine, and they were drunk thereof.
The crowd gathered in the outdoor section of the place of drinking, separated from the street by an iron fence. They enjoyed the wine, yet eventually there rose in the pair a great hunger for more solid fare. But the place of drinking was not a place of eating, and they had to venture out into the streets to find sustenance. They were in luck, for not many blocks away was a Hot Dog Vendor.
The Fire Demon approached the Hot Dog Vendor first, steepled his fingers in the way of a holy man and intoned, "Make me one with everything."
The Hot Dog Vendor, not understanding the depth and breadth of the request, merely turned to the task of assembling a bun with meat and all condiments. The Fire Demon commented to the Young Evil One that perhaps true Sartori could be met by consuming the interesting version of pickle relish produced in the Frozen Lands. A taste of Hell, the Fire Demon continued, could certainly be had by its candies.
The Young Evil One who was Utterly Adorable and Fully Aware of His Potential took umbrage at this remark, but instead of defending the delicacies of his homeland he stowed the injury away to be revenged upon at his leisure, and ordered a Hot Dog with ketchup.
They took their comestibles back to the place of drinking, but because it was not a place of eating, the man controlling entrance would not let them bring the Hot Dogs inside. The perfect images of a waif with a glint of malice and a combustible tramp, the two friends stood outside the place of drinking, eating their late dinner, suffering the taunts of their work-mates from through the iron fence.
They playfully teased back, causing a bit of an uproar, for as you can imagine, the playfulness of the Fire Demon and the Young Evil One who was Utterly Adorable and Fully Aware of His Potential was a bit more incendiary than that of your average Joe.
Unfortunately their antics caught the attention of the man controlling entrance, and when they tried to rejoin their friends and obtain more wine, they were refused. It was no longer a place of drinking for them, for they were deemed to have Had Enough.
They were incensed. They were offended. They were also inchoate, and their attempts at witty repartee to prove their sobriety failed in the failure they deserved. They were denied entrance.
All for the sake of two Hot Dogs.
Someone was going to have to pay.
They left the place of drinking that was not a place of eating, walking the main street of the second city of the Frozen Lands and muttering to themselves. They stumbled past the Hot Dog Vendor. They stumbled over two traffic cones.
After they regained their balance the two friends realized that they were not in the street, but rather that the traffic cones were on the sidewalk. They thought about the peculiar placement of these orange implements for a while. The Fire Demon asked astutely, "If these cones are traffic cones, what are they doing to the sidewalk?"
"I don't know," replied the Young Evil One. "Maybe like us they went out for a bit of after work drinking and now they can't find their way back to the traffic where they live?"
"Then we must do the right thing," declared the Fire Demon, "and help these poor lost cones get back home safely!"
This did indeed sound like the right thing to do, but the two friends were left with the question of where exactly in the traffic the two cones lived. After thinking about this for a while they came to the realization that although traffic cones generally get attention as obstacles, no one really seems to care for them as individuals. "And despite what people may think," said the Young Evil One, "they demand just as much attention like you or me."
To ensure that the cones were properly regarded, he announced that it would probably be best to place them in the middle of each lane on the road (fortunately the road had exactly two lanes) where every one driving by would be sure to notice them.
After having helped these two poor traffic cones find their way back into traffic, even if it wasn't their home traffic, Fire Demon and the Young Evil One continued on their way, the incident at the place of drinking nearly forgotten. They stopped occasionally to watch passing drivers trying to navigate around the cones. They realized with the clarity of the inebriated that the cones would get so much more attention if passing drivers had to actually get out of their vehicles to arrange the cones in such a way that they could navigate past them. A cunning plan started to form in their somewhat blurred minds.
They needed more cones.
Luckily enough, a nearby construction site in the shape of a big hole in the ground had plenty of cones scattered around it, some of which were connected by a rectangular piece of plastic not entirely unsimilar to a two by four. After having collected a large number of cones, as well as a fair supply of the above mentioned cone connecting devices that were not entierly unsimilar to a two by four, they proceeded to build a nice little fence around the next intersection that they came by. This intersection happened to be located right at the beginning of the road that connects second city of the Frozen Lands with the rest of the known world.
They both recognized that this was good, since it meant that anyone that wished to enter the city by car would have to acknowledge the presence of the traffic cones. The cones would be regarded! They would be touched and caressed!
They finished their work and walked on happily, knowing they had done the cones a great service, but as the first car drove up to the newly fenced off intersection the two friends realized that something important was happening. It seemed that the people who were driving the cars would, after hesitating for a minute or so, actually turn back to try to find another way past the cones, rather than leave their vehicles to deal with them personally.
The poor cones.
They immediately decided to counteract this disregard by placing clusters of cones at every intersecting street, all the way up to the city limits if they had to. Thus they would effectively prevent people who wanted to get into town from not having to notice the cones, as well as preventing any automobiles currently located in the city from getting out.
The Fire Demon and the Young Evil One who was Utterly Adorable and Fully Aware of His Potential spent a moment contemplating how their detours that kept anyone from entering the second city of the Frozen Lands would also keep any would-be drinkers from reaching the place of drinking that had denied them re-entrance.
"You won't let us into your bar? We won't let anybody into yer God damn city!"
Revenge would be satisfied. The cones would be regarded. It was a beautiful convergence of intents.
It was while they were completing their plan, occasionally thumping each other with hearty congratulatory thumps, that the Fire Demon suddenly stopped, stricken by a moment of clarity. He looked around at all of the neatly arranged cones, and said "I think we should probably leave before we manage to get arrested or something."
The Young Evil One thought that the Fire Demon was simply getting old and inordinantly cautious. As he thought about it, though, he realized that should he have to explain their behavior to a policeman, he could not come up with a good excuse for rearranging the cones. It is a known fact that policemen rarely consider the wellbeing of traffic cones, or have a sense of humour about blocking roadways.
They decided to return to their own home.
It was also decided that Piranah Kitten, bride of the Fire Demon, probably shouldn't be told about them helping the traffic cones finding their way home. If you know her, don't tell her.
It is not known what effect the night time barricade had on the economy of the Frozen Lands, but even trucks were seen to turn back in confusion.
