FUTURE SOUND
music and technology column
as featured in Real Groove Magazine
| 'Saucy e-mail tsunami undoes lusty lawyers'Real
Groove March 2001 Email has revolutionised the way people communicate, but not always for the better, if the above headline is to be believed. Is it from the Sunday News, or the Truth? No, it's from the New Zealand Herald. Surprised? Thought not. Late last year, a young Londoner by the name of Claire Swires found her name being sent around the world, thanks to an email she sent her boyfriend, one Bradley Chait, which discussed oral sex. Unfortunately for her, her professed enjoyment of it was forwarded by Chait to several of his mates at Norton Rose (www.nortonrose.com - check out their email policy), the prestigious law firm he works for, who sent it on the their friends and it just kept on going, making his bosses very unhappy. This incident yet again highlights two important facts about email, but first, some background. The story made front page news in the UK, featuring in the Guardian (www.theguardian.co.uk), the Times (thetimes.co.uk), and on the BBC (http://news.bbc.co.uk). The Herald carried the news story on this item on page 3 of the front section of the December16-17 Weekend Herald, under the suitably tacky headline mentioned above. The following Monday, again on page 3, "Woman dodges sex nightmare" was their delightful follow up, dragging more mileage out of yet another sensationalist 'shock horror internet' story. When will the old media get over this fixation at attacking new media? The story was first reported by The Register (www.theregister.co.uk/content/28/15404.html), who uncovered a far more interesting tale. It goes like this. "The saga starts with a group email of a smutty joke: A guy walks into a sperm donor bank wearing a ski mask and holding a gun. He goes up to the nurse and demands her to open the sperm bank vault. She says: 'But sir, its just a sperm bank!' 'I don't care, open it now!' he orders. So she opens the door to the vault and inside are all the sperm samples. The guy says: 'Take one of those sperm samples and drink it!' She looks at him: 'But, they are sperm samples?' 'DO IT!' So the nurse sucks it back. 'That one there, drink that one as well', so the nurse drinks that one as well. Finally, after 4 samples the man takes off his ski mask and says: 'See honey - its not that hard.' A person on the list, one Bradley Chait, forwards the gag onto Claire Swire with the message "cute". Claire replies, touch in cheek: "Lucky I swallow, so that won't be happening to me!" Bradley comes back to her: "Not ALL the time I hope (or so you would have me believe)" Claire then makes the remark that was to turn her into a legendary figure: "I hadn't swallowed for years but yours was yum and very good for me too! Apparently it's very good conditioner for your hair too... getting a funny picture in my head, giggling out loud and now having to explain to Dave what's so funny!" This was all supposedly a personal communication, but then Bradley - following man's intrinsic necessity to boast, sends it - with the entire history - to six of his mates, with the message: "now THAT'S a nice compliment from a lass, isn't it?" (see the original email at http://www.drink.to/yum) This is then emailed from one of the Bradley's "mates" to 14 others with the catchline "beggars belief. I feel honour bound to circulate this". The Register was "a tiny bit suspicious that only Bradley's email address had appeared in the bottom half of the email and decided to call the law firm that Bradley works for - Norton Rose in the City of London - to see what we could find out. Even the receptionist knew what was going on. Does a Claire Swire work there? We asked. "We've been hearing quite a lot about Claire today," she told us. "But as yet we have no idea or recollection of who she is." Does Bradley Chait work there? "Yes." Can you put us through to him? And so Bradley answers the phone. "Is that Bradley Chait?" "Could be, why?" We tell him we're from The Register and ask him about the email. Wearily, he tells us: "It's a hoax. A very good one though, I have to admit." Does he know who set him up? "No. But then I wouldn't put it past any of the boys here - I've just started, you see." And there you have it - possible the greatest ever new-boy practical joke, using the modern medium of email. Unfortunately, we didn't have time to ask him if he actually knew a Claire Swire and the search seems to be going on (This was one of the great parts of this story, as people clambered to find out who she was), but it seems possible that the prankster that set up Bradley also thought he'd have a go at Claire while there. Jilted lover? Practical-joke making friend? Who knows?" The Register's headline read 'Is this the greatest email hoax ever?' I found this story online, after reading the Herald's item and wanting to find out more. However, the Register story was dated Friday 15 December, and yet three days later, The Herald were still covering the story as if it were real, even though the facts had changed. US news site Wired.com also covered the story on December 15, noting that "Claire Swire, whose explicit exchange in a private e-mail flooded into millions of inboxes around the world, is to be featured on British television Friday night and has reportedly sold her story to the Mail on Sunday." Swires works in public relations. The Herald was correct in stating that Chait was facing disciplinary action from his employers Norton Rose, who, naturally enough, were not happy at having their name at the bottom of the forwarded email that had been sent around the world to over a million people in 24 hours, but as for saying that Swire was in hiding was incorrect, when she was reported elsewhere as appearing on British TV and selling her story to the Sunday papers. I sent a fax to the Herald, pointing out that the email in question was a hoax, wondered what their sources were for the story, and politely suggested that the facts might have changed in this case of another shocking abuse of the internet. Jeremy Reece from the Herald news desk phoned and told me that their sources were drawn from Reuters News Service, the Independent on Sunday, and the Daily Telegraph on Sunday, and that the stories were a combination of these, mainly Reuters. He was surprised that the story was so far behind the developments I mentioned, and noted that Reuters was usually very up to date, and extremely quick on updating their stories. I asked if he had heard anything more in this story, and he said, no, it seemed that it had quietly died off. Not quite, it seems; two days after the above phone conversation, the Herald ran another story on this email horror story on the outcome of disciplinary action against Chait, reapeating the supposed facts of the story, making no mention of it being a suspected hoax. When this story first broke, everyone I know seemed to be talking about it; I even overheard two middle aged women talking about it in a food hall in town, going on about how terrible was for that poor girl, and how could her boyfriend do such a thing? But hang on, it wasn't true! But how would you know that if you read the Herald? You wouldn't have. In the fall out from the email, Chait and his colleagues were disciplined, but not dismissed, by their bosses. Nine members of staff at the Financial Services Authority in the City of London were suspended because they forwarded the email and lost their Christmas bonuses. There are numerous other recent stories of employers taking their employees to task for abusing their email privileges, like insurance company Royal & Sun Alliance, who sacked ten members of staff for distributing "lewd" Bart Simpson cartoons, in January. The decision followed the announcement in December last year that 41 staff had been suspended over these emails. Since then, this figure has increased to 77. Last year, Dow Chemical in the US dismissed 50 workers for circulating pornographic and other inappropriate material via email, and the New York Times fired 23 employees for swapping off-colour messages. Get the picture? None of the coverage I read of this email scandal questioned whether Chait and Swire were in fact boyfriend and girlfriend, or if they even knew each other, but that would've spoiled the story, really. And it is a story. The only elements of truth in it that matter are; one- don't use your work email for personal matters. If you wouldn't write something in a letter or say it to someone face to face, don't send it by email. And two- don't believe everything you read (about the net). |
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COLUMNS January 2001 Money for nothing - Napster fades away... December 2000 Technology is your friend, but only sometimes November 2000 The revolution will not be webcast October 2000 A little bit Country... and Russell Brown goes surfing September 2000 Sweet bird of truth - The The vs record industry August 2000 Are you experienced? Seattle Pop culture museum July 2000 OK? Not OK computer. The latest on Napster June 2000 335, 436 is the Magic Number - Metallica vs Napster May 2000 Thats Hypertainment! April 2000 welcome to the Terrordome: Chuck D March 2000 Shopping for cd's: online or on foot? |
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© 2001 Peter McLennan |