31.dec.98
Now is 1.jan.99 I don't feel a wish to write so strongly as before. Probably it was "Christmas mood" (statistics says it's the most suicidal time). But think now it's easy to smile (may be only physically). So I want to tell about my meeting very good girl on 31.dec. It was shop-girl. Her story was in very picturesque place (it was former "VDNH"), but her stall was in detached part of pavilion. I needed to buy a present to the institute staff. So when I have seen her she asked me: "What time is it now?" I answered: "1.30". She was not taller then me, (surely not bigger). (It's a very important point to me always). She was slim. (It's also a very important point). But …. in future all girls about I will say will be with fine(-developed) figure. So she was about 19-21 year old (Surely not more). I guess this from hue and smoothness of her features. She has fair hair, not very long with curl around her face, (very attractive), but her face wasn't very rounded, (I don't like rounded faces). She looked (stare?) at me. Her glance told me, (or may I be mistaken? ), that she is a free, (not married, or may be without a boy-friend, (if it is possible)). (About such kind of glance sad Gogy in "Moscow don't believe in tears".) But her manners were detached. (Gosh! the manners of the most girls in this world are detached!) I exchanged with her a few phrases and buy a present pot (not to her, to the institute staff people). (Got dammit, why?…) She wore a dress fit to the figure. When she took a box, she stooped down even don't bending her ankles. It was …. But I don't feel myself as a hero. One minutes lately when I made exit, I have seen myself in the mirror and understand why I didn't feel myself as a hero - I was incongruous. (By the way not a long time ago I feel myself as a hero and a very smart person). After this meeting I felt a scruples. I feel (felt) I can to try to make an acquaintance with her. Technically, it's easy. (It's a great advantage of shop-girls). And more, I would have a sufficient free time to walk with her, when she would be reaching nearest subway station, (unles…). And what is more, I can do it even in the next few days, (weeks or may be months?). (Probably, I'm getting older. I have no such abundance of health, energy, optimism). I don't know would we became a soul-mates, but I would be able respect her as a girl and would be proud to walk with her on the streets, to restaurants, theatres and so on. (May be I don't reckon her as a very bright individuality, but I don't think that I want exclusively extraordinary person to be with me at the nearest days (weeks, years?)).