Oh, What A Tangled Web We Weave.....
by Robert Fry


I heard an old rusty cemetery gate opening somewhere. I knew because I could feel it in my heart of hearts. The squeaking sound was enough to finish off my fluttering chest. I had just come out of the graveyard, as most teenagers do in one of those writs of passage things, i.e. with sweaty palms and palpitations, when a 'friend' had jumped out at me from behind a bush. His face was not nearly as horrible as the feeling of dread I feigned in my stomach. I knew this was a bad idea when they took me to the graveyard.

It had all started with a dare, as was the common thing among teens. So stupid for me to get mixed up in such a thing, but there you have it, I wanted to be a part of them. I was actually happy that I was in the group. It had been a long time since I "belonged". Now, however, things were a little different, I was being challenged to do what no other teenager had done. For me it was no great task. I was an immortal and never in any real danger. I had lived for hundreds of years with and without companionship. I was just excited that I had them to talk with again and after a time I knew that I would be their slayer.

I was to go through the old graveyard to the home on the opposite side and approach the door and ask for directions to the town. This was, of itself, no great shake, but the people of the town had said for some time that the house was haunted and the only person there was a former axe murderer. A scene out of Hollywood Horror outtakes, Take 1, Reel 1. However, I was shocked to find the door opening to greet me as I walked up the steps. And wow, what a greeting by a sweet somebody with an absolutely gorgeous face and beautiful body. She was an exquisite study in alabaster, so pale and her hair so raven. Eyes were like shiny deep coals of polished ebony, yet somehow melancholy though not really depressed. She answered hello with her body and a melodic almost siren like voice as she opened wide the door. Asked if I wanted to come in for a spell. She never even thought of the possibility that anyone could say no because she left the door ajar while slinking across the floor like a spirit, all but afloat, yet with a haunting jaunt in her step. I was, however, waiting at the doorway. I asked if there was anyone else in the home and she denied any other presence. Then, with ever so little a pause, she added that she would really like it if someone would help her get over her loneliness. This is the kind of thing that makes young men stomp the ground and froth madly at the mouth. For such open opportunities were exceedingly rare and priceless. I however declined. My presence here was for one thing alone and she was not part of the bargain.

I knew the minds of plotters; I was one of the best. Although, she was beautiful there was certainly a hitch in this set-up. I could only guess that she was related to one of the silly youths outside and was sent to entice me into a compromising position. Subsequently, she was to allow some toy-like trap to spring closed on me thereby enabling us to grow closer as a clan. It seemed however, that she could read my thoughts as well and she began reassuring me that there was no cause for concern.
"I am a noble woman of noble birth and if I say that we are safe here, we are safe, both from outside and from inside, now please come in and do sit."

Unexpectedly these were the exact words I needed to hear.
"What is your name young lady", I asked as I entered and closed the door behind me, drawn as a moth to a flame. As she moved effortlessly across the floor I thought I heard a snicker as she turned a half turn of the head and shoulders speaking quietly but distinctly "Lorna Dunne".
" Well, Ms. Dunne, I must say that it is unusual to find someone so beautiful and elegant (with a peculiarity that I, only, could ascertain) so far out in the 'boonies' without any servants or any friends or family. How ever did you decide to move out here?
" " I am sorry, sir, but you have the best of me. I don't recall your name." She moved to a couch in the living area and gestured for me to sit.
" I am Chiron Bakke", I replied making a mocking half bow and moving to the couch.
" My, what an unusual name, I mean, for all the way out here in the 'boonies'," she said as she swept her hand across the heavens out and about again with a grace that was awing.
" Yeah, it is. It should be found somewhere along the Balkans or Macedonia or Romania, but then again I wouldn't be here would I" " Quite so, quite so," a little bit exaggeratedly, I thought. "Yet, I seem to have lost an answer in all this, madam." Looking intently into her coal black, now fiery eyes. "Yes, yes you did, well it seems that I am the fortunate and unfortunate recipient of a great land bequeathal. I have held title to this land for so many years that it seems like home."
"Well, you couldn't have had it very long as young as you are". I really meant it, and said so with all the sincerity that I could muster.
"Be that as it may, I have lived here for longer than you have been alive, young man." Again a rather imperious but melodic sweep of her hand toward me. I was somehow seated next to her on the couch and laughed so hard that the m etal springs creaked under us.
" Why do I have the feeling that everything here is not as it seems?
" She, too, had broken into bellicose laughter asking in her best southern drawl, " Sir, what ever do you mean? I am as I always was..... a fragrant lily of the night.
" "I would like to see that lily a little closer," I said warming to the task set before me and starting to feel the way she looked at me. You know that feeling, even though it may have never happened to you. Like you were the most powerful emperor of the world and a great wise masterful one at that. I took her hand and summoned all the strength that was left to me as I asked her for a show of her affection. Our eyes playing the eternal game. She as if on cue leaned forward and came close to my lips but broke away to the right like an F16 doing bombing runs. I was devastated. She continued with her banter and got up to approach the window, looking outside.
"Please understand. I don't enter into any agreements without actually finalizing them."
" I can understand that approach to life, but for this....." as I gestured to the outside ".....why all the secrecy?" She appeared shocked; as now she knew what I had known from the time I had entered and gathered her scent. She smelled as a common wolverine, a combistructure, part man and part wolf. The lights were getting low as the moon was climbing and no doubt she would be seeking her transformation soon.
"I think it would be terribly fun for us to go out and play with the students don't you?" I continued as I strode to her side at the window.
"Whatever do you mean, Mr. Bakke?"
"Come now, you must already suspect that something amiss. I am sure that you don't get that many visitors out here, except when you can entice them. I don't see you in town so I suspect you are on a moral highroad trying to keep yourself from the humans. But, never fear they will intrude into your life somehow or other. I, for instance, have been out of their way for a hundred years until recently returning to be in their society. I find it occasionally comforting to remember the roles that they must function under themselves." I said with a bit of animated pouting. " But ultimately we must use them as one uses a pig or a chicken or a cow. They are, after all, our source of sustenance. I love them and I am glad to have them. You, on the other hand, are at a stage when you are convinced that they are not necessary and perhaps for you that is true. I am sure that the small mammals are quite delicious, but when it comes right down to it humans are so easy and plentiful, how will we ever keep the population down without selectively butchering them?"
"So, you too, are a feeder on mankind and not what you appear to be? I should have known there was a peculiar smell to you but I was not upset, only hopeful that it was something or somebody to relieve me of this burden of being what I am. What are you exactly?" She turned her face to the wall, acting, again, the coquette.
"I am a simple vampire of this world, not of other worlds," trying to get her attention to share with her what I knew she, obviously, didn't have a hint at.
" You mean there are other galaxies where they have men," almost a startled sound like a hiss coming from deep inside her. She seemed riled that she could have been ignorant of these developments. Now she began to pace as a caged animal. " Yes, indeed, and pretty women and werewolves and other things stranger than we." "How do you know that?" She still wasn't buying into the idea, it seemed.
"I have been to a couple of them," I told her as I followed her across the floor. "HOW ?!"
"I have been able to teleport for generations as many of my race have. We are related to the other vampires and eons ago, they settled across the galaxies looking for good game. It turns out that Earth was and is one of the more lovable gaming zones because the prey is smart enough to give us a little trouble and not too smart, nor too strong, to lose but an occasional hunter."
"Do you have one of those teleporters here," she asked innocently enough with those plaintive eyes.
"I don't have it right here but, at my home. Would you like to see it?" I was expectant.
"Are they hard to work," she said as she came closer to me. " Naw, they are a snap and the instructions are written in nineteen languages on the inside." I was bragging and quite happy that the power of the conversation had shifted to me. Now, holding her hand, she warmed perceptibly.
" Tell me, please, just where do you live?" She was walking toward the door as if to leave hurriedly.
I said, "Whoa, buckaroo. We have some playing to do here in the courtyard.", trying to quickly get between her and the doorway. " Do they know where you live Mr. Bakke," she said pointing out to the students, half flipping me out of her way, effortlessly.
"I am sure that they do," attempting to right myself, while continuing, really impressed with her strength.
"Good, you see the moon here is high and I must hurry about my work. My babies will be awakening shortly."
" I am like totally lost, now."
"I am certain that you are. The reality is that you indeed have excellent olfactory ability but you are a little lacking in your experience. I am not a typical werewolf but rather an ancient breed of werewolf spiders. I was truthful with you when I said that this place was a bequest from very long ago, in fact, so long ago that your ancestors were just beginning to have space travel. I have held the deed to this galaxy for a thousand eons, and, I guess, based upon your story, that it is time to move in and stay a few generations here. We should be able to feed off the inhabitants here for many thousand years and then after a brief break we can likely use your teleporter machine to find the other occupied worlds for future feedings. I am very happy to meet you, Mr. Bakke; it is a privilege to know one who has been through the hardships of a couple of hundred years work and play. I will be back to gather you and your friends for an opening meal.
"Please make yourself at home," she said after spraying a thin veneer of web about me.

It happened so incredibly fast, I couldn't begin to fight it. "Doesn't she know that we are immortals," I thought to myself. Then the full terror hit me.! She was saving the humans for a snack for us. Then I was to be fed on at intervals for a millennium. I was being kept for a main course or was I desert? I was good to have because of my immortality. I could regenerate and save them time and effort for feeding. I began to concern myself with how it felt to be sucked dry over the course of a thousand years. I would never enjoy the thrill of the hunt again but rather be a simple treat for another species, a lap dog. My fear turned to revolt as the kiddies started to awaken; they were hungry and sloppy eaters. My blood was running down the outside of my coat with what could only be described as horrible fetid slobber. A chill crossed my face as I viewed them in their natural nontransformed state. They were gray and hairy as well as horribly foul, pungent, squealling creatures. How utterly repulsive they seemed to me. I longed for a race of spiderkillers and prayed to the heavens that such a thing existed. However, until that time I could see the slow but relentless plan for my existence, struggling against infants who were fully equipped with a paralytic venom that would kill most humans but for me it just sssslllloowweddd meee dooowwn. My blood flowed now at the same rate as their appetites, while my movement was a tiny fluttering like a fly in a web.