i go into the bathroom and sit on the floor
because
if i close the door
they won't bother me.
i contemplate the speckle spotted ceiling
my mr. dead emotions and scarecrow body
the bodies of the beautiful anime babes in my drawings
past nightmares.
"it's not as if i don't know what you're doing in there!"
hugging my knees to my chest
staring at the walls with blank eyes
avoiding seeing myself in the mirror.
get around to looking at my hands
wrinkling my eyebrows
painting my fingernails pink
painting my toenails bright yellow.
get around to thinking about admitting it all
admitting it all to my reflection
crying about it all silently
laying my hot face against the cold, dark tiles.
falling asleep somehow and dreaming
feeling quiet and cold in moss
seeing shadows and fears taking shape
running down a dark tunnel towards a blue light...
sitting bolt up
dusting off
removing the nail polish and the expression of pain
unlocking the door and creeping out into the hall.
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