"Shea, we gotta get out of this house…"
"What did you have in mind exactly?" Shea’s face was wary to say the least. She eyed Jax as though expecting something utterly exhausting like a five mile run. Whatever he had in mind, she was pretty sure she would have to veto it. She had no real strength right now. Last night had worn her out and this morning’s experience had given her the creeps. Nonetheless, she tried to wait for Jax’s answer with an open mind.
"I don’t know really. Maybe just go see a show or something. I honestly don’t have a clue just yet, but I do know that we are going to drive ourselves insane sitting here wallowing in our grief and self-pity. Let’s just get up and go where ever the road takes us…"
Jax perched on the table in front of her with an intent stare that almost unnerved her. He seemed ready to pounce on or at anything right now. She heaved a heavy sigh and rolled her eyes at him.
"Well, could you at least give me an idea of what type of road we might try? I’d like to have an inkling toward what to wear…"
"Just casual… Or, we could get fancied up and…" He saw her brows furrow deeply with stress and backed off the suggestion.
"On second thought, just casual sounds fine. No need to overdo anything…" He smiled sheepishly, then suddenly realized that only two other women had ever been capable of making him do anything sheepishly: His mother and Brenda. One cross look from either one of them could make him want to practically run yelping to the corner. Unlike Jerry though, he’d been unlucky enough to experience those looks on only one or two occasions. For all Jerry’s bluster and nonchalance, Jax guessed that those looks made him secretly shrivel inside as well. It amazed him that Shea was every bit as good at it as Lady Jane and Brenda had been. If Jax ever got around to introducing Shea to his family, she would fit right in. He almost grinned at the thought of Shea cutting Jerry’s enormous ego down to size…
"Something funny?" Ouch! That look again! Shea was boring into him over the teacup she’d picked back up to think over. Apparently he’d drifted a bit there, and she didn’t seem to be too enthused about it. He cleared his throat and chuckled.
"Oh, nothing really. I was just thinking about how well you would get along with Lady Jane."
Shea’s eyes narrowed even more and Jax could have sworn that the temperature in the room dropped a few degrees. You’d never suspect it to look at her that a face so beautiful could turn out such a blood-chilling scowl.
"Not from what you told me. If I meet them anytime soon I’m afraid I’ll have some choice words to say. That road isn’t going to lead to their house, is it? That’s not the way I’d like to end this day…"
"Oh no. That’s not my idea of a stress-reliever either. Wait…" He hopped off the table and went to the kitchen. He found the local entertainment guide in the LA Times sitting on the counter. He flipped through it methodically while walking back into the room. As he sat back down in front of Shea, his face brightened visibly.
"I don’t believe it! This is perfect! Shea, this is just what we need!" He held up the magazine triumphantly for Shea to inspect. She looked at the two-page spread dubiously, but the ad was effective in its simplistic approach. It was set in golden hues against a stark black background. Across the top of the two pages it read: Dance the night away. Didn’t sound too bad. On the left page was the face of a young man, his eyes intense and intriguing, yet warm. Below his picture it said merely "The Greek". Well, that was easy enough. It was her favorite venue. The opposite page was equally stark with only the name and date: 11-8-98. She looked up at Jax incredulously.
"This is impossible!"
"What, you don’t like him?" Jax’s face fell suddenly and disappointment spread across his eyes. Shea felt like a heel. Jax was good, but not this good.
"Jax, I have absolutely NO objection to watching someone who looks like that swank across a stage crooning. The problem lies in the fact that there’s no way we’ll get tickets to this tonight."
"Ahem. Well, you wound me Shea. Do you honestly think I’d get your hopes up to salivate over this guy if I didn’t know I could get tickets? Come on, give me some credit…" The twinkle in his eye was enigmatic, and Shea felt her spirits lift considerably. What had she been thinking? Jax was a virtual miracle worker and she knew it. Not to mention, knowing Jax, he had a buddy that worked high up in the ranks…
"I’m sorry Jax. Look, you make your calls and I’m going to go take a shower and get ready. Casual simply won’t do now…" She beamed at him and he held out a hand to take the teacup from her. As she passed him, she reached up, ruffled his hair and planted a kiss on his cheek.
"Thank you Jax. You’re right. This will be just what we needed." With that, she all but sprinted up the stairs to the bathroom. Jax watched her disappear then yanked up the phone.
"Hello Addie? Yeah, I know. I’m fine. Really. No, I don’t want to return their calls right now. Listen Addie, could you look up Rick Delano’s number? Oh, well, you know it’s probably under Brenda’s list then…" Jax choked slightly at having to say Brenda’s name. She should be here for this. Addie read off the number finally, snapping Jax out of his haze.
"Thank you, Addie. No, don’t tell them. I’m sure they know anyway, but telling them will make them think it’s alright to come bug me. Mmmhmm. Some days are harder than others… I know, thank you. I’ll talk to you soon, Addie. You’re the best." He flipped to a new line and dialed the number he’d written down.
"Yes may I have Rick Delano please. Thank you. Rick? I wasn’t sure I’d get you this late!"
"Jax? Man, how are you doing?" The voice on the other end of the line was surprised and hesitant. Jax gritted his teeth as he prepared for the sympathetic apologies.
"Well, you know. One day at a time right now."
"Listen, we were just devastated over here. I can’t imagine what you’re going through right now Jax. I’ve never lost anyone so I’m not good with knowing what to say. It’s just not fair though…"
"Yeah. Life has a really sick sense of humor. It’s okay Rick. I just appreciate your honesty. It’s a lot easier to deal with. People on eggshells just seem to make it worse somehow." It was the truth. Jax was grateful for the blunt sincerity.
"Hey, if there’s anything at all you need, just name it. I’d do anything in the world for you. Brenda was… Well, man, you know. Brenda was just Brenda… Lightning in a bottle, man..."
"I know. Look, actually, there is something you could do for me if it’s possible."
"Name it."
"I need a distraction, Rick. Gotta get my mind preoccupied, even if it’s just for a couple hours. I’m here in Malibu with a friend. Is there any way you’ve got any tickets left for tonight?"
"No…" Jax could hear the clicking of Rick’s pen while he thought. Brenda used to joke that the sound of Rick Delano’s scheming was the sound of a clicking pen. It was a good sign despite the answer.
"What I do have though are all access laminates. Think your friend could handle that? You know, you’d have to watch from the side of the stage… miss the lightshow…"
"It’s more than I could have hoped for this late in the afternoon Rick. Thank you."
"Well, it does come with a price. You have to let me buy you a drink somewhere afterward. No heavy stuff, just a drink in a comfortable nightspot…Maybe some good food to go along with it."
"You’re on. Hey, is Barney’s Beanery still open late? I could go for that…"
"Hmmm. That does sound great. I don’t know…" The clicking started again and Jax couldn’t help but laugh. "I bet they’d stay open late for US though!"
"You work your magic, man. I gotta get cleaned up. Hey, thanks again."
"Jax…" Rick paused like he wanted to say something profound, but then dropped it.
"Man, it’s nothing at all. Really. Consider it down payment on a future cruise on the Isabella someday… I’ll see you two tonight."
"You’re making too easy, but you got it. See you tonight."
Jax clicked off the phone and picked up the paper again. The man staring back at him was one of Brenda’s dearest friends. He’d only met him once, but felt like he’d known him forever just from Brenda’s stories. He stared at the ad, not really seeing it at all, but drifting into another collage of memories that brought him both joy and pain. If I see him Brenda, I’ll tell him how important he was to you. I just wish you were here to do it yourself…
Jax laid the paper down on the table and sucked in a deep breath before climbing the stairs himself.
******************************
They met Rick at the front ticket counter. He escorted them to the backstage production office, where he provided them with all access laminates.
"Hey, I didn’t mention to Miguel that you were here before the show. You know…"
"Certainly. I understand that completely." Jax introduced Shea to Rick and a few other of Miguel’s production staff. Rick must have said something to them because they didn’t apologize or mention Brenda. They simply hugged him and smiled genuinely, probably saving the sympathetic or sad looks until he turned his head. He appreciated the gesture and told Rick as much.
"Well, you said you needed a distraction, not constant well-wishers. You know well enough what’s really there. Listen, I’m sorry, but I’ve got some pre-show business to handle. You alright for now?" Rick put a hand on Jax and Shea’s shoulders. Shea reached up and patted it in thanks.
"Yes, we’re fine. Thank you. Take care of your business."
Rick smiled warmly at Shea then excused himself. Shea turned to Jax and just shook her head. Jax laughed and wondered what was funny.
"Jax, you are the best. This will be wonderful. I should have known you’d more than just pull this off."
Jax walked her over to a prime spot at the side of the stage. There was a road case that Jax knew wouldn’t need to be accessed for anything, and he and Shea hopped up onto it to sit. They talked easily to pass the time, and Jax explained how Brenda had known Miguel. The night was beautiful with a full moon and soft breeze. The lighting in the trees was soothing, as was the hum of the crowd. Jax went to the hospitality area and got he and Shea some nachos and soda. They munched happily, enjoying the atmosphere. Since there was no opening act, the show started promptly at 8:00.
Miguel came out on stage like a lion. Jax had always admired how much of a consumate professional he was. He had the effortless ability to hold the crowd in the palm of his hand. He took them soaring with a driving salsa/hip hop beat, then swooped them down into the depths of a sultry, passionate groove. There was nothing contrived about Miguel’s music. It came directly from his heart and soul. His mind only narrated with the lyrics. It was a beautiful, high energy show one minute and a sensual swoon the next. Jax never failed to be moved or affected by this music. He and Brenda had shared many a sexy, loving dance to Miguel’s songs in the comfort of the penthouse. Looking over at Shea, he was happy to see that it was affecting her much the same way. Her eyes were heavy with bliss at the music. Miguel launched into a haunting ballad and Jax found himself tight in the chest with emotions it stirred.
Here I am
On broken wings
Quiet thoughts
Unspoken dreams
Jax felt his heart pull. He was familiar with the song from Brenda’s CD. Instead of fighting the sadness it brought though, he let Miguel’s voice wash over him, letting his heart go where it pleased.
Here I am
Alone again
I need her now
To hold my hand
Flashes of their lives together came rushing at him. They came in snippets, racing through his memory and flowing into one another. The lyrics of the song plucked them randomly from his brain and flashed them like cue cards illustrated what the lyrics wanted to say. It was almost overwhelming, but like the music, he gave the images free reign, savoring every feeling they invoked.
She’s all, she’s all I ever had
She’s the air I breathe
She’s all, she’s all I ever had
"Jax, come dance with me…" Brenda walked away from the stereo and held out her hand as a husky male voice began to sing. It was one of her favorite songs. She was already in her satin nightgown that hugged every curve of her body. It’s style reminded Jax of her wedding dress from the Isabella. He knew it was why she’d bought it. Tired as he was from his late meeting, Jax dropped his briefcase and quickly closed the distance between them. He swept her up in his arms and slowly rocked back and forth with the music.
It’s the way she makes me feel
It’s the only thing that’s real
It’s the way she understands
She’s my lover she’s my friend
"What are you going to do?" Brenda picked up the Thai container and prepared to throw it away.
"I don’t know. He’s still my brother… I’ll probably bail him out again like I always do." Jax rubbed his temples, fighting off the headache he was close to getting.
"A very wise man once taught me a great stress reliever… I want to you visualize the sun and the sand, and us in each other’s arms…"
"I don’t need to visualize that!" He pulled her onto the couch with him, imparting her with a long, passionate kiss.
When I look into her eyes
It’s the way I feel inside
Like the man I wanna be
She’s all I ever need
"I need to know that I’m the only woman you love." Her face was pale with the strain of the situation with Miranda. She folded her hands together, fighting off the tears.
"You are." He could barely breathe the answer.
"Do you mean that? Can I trust you?"
"You can."
So much time
So much pain
There’s one thing
That still remains
"I’m sorry about nobody leaves…" Her voice cracked with sorrow at causing him pain.
"Nobody did. We just let go…" He hugged her for what he was sure would be the last time. But she had come back...
The way she cared
The love we shared
And through it all
She’s always been there
"The times when I was happiest I knew exactly what I wanted because it was right in front of me, were the times that I’ve spent with you."
"Brenda…" It was all he could do to not give in to her. She never looked more beautiful before that night.
"You’ve always given me exactly what I needed, which was usually to find my own way… and now I have, and it’s led me back to you…" She kissed him then, and his world had spun out from under him, leaving him aching for her.
She’s all, she’s all I ever had
In a world’s so cold, so empty
She’s all, she’s all I ever had
"Sonny’s in the past…I went there to hear the truth, and say goodbye, and there is no way that Sonny can ever hurt us again unless he gets you to break your trust in me…"
It’s the way she makes me feel
It’s the only thing that’s real
It’s the way she understands
She’s my lover she’s my friend
"Tell me you love me." His voice caught and he was nearly brought to his knees by her radiant smile. Her wedding gown rustled with the movement of her breathless excitement.
"I do love you… I love you so much I feel dizzy… I just know that I wanna marry you right away… I am head over heels in crazy old-fashioned love with you…"
When I look into her eyes
It’s the way I feel inside
Like the man I wanna be
She’s all I ever need
"I want you so much… Only you… Forever."
Her words rang out in his mind, echoing in the hole in his heart where she used to be. He knew no matter what he did, he would never escape her presence in his soul.
She’s all, she’s all I ever had…
*******************************************
"She’s All I Ever Had" By Ricky Martin. From the album Ricky Martin
