Actual Signs and Advertisements

• "Boy required to open oysters about 16 years old."
• "If you don't eat here, we will both starve!"
• "Thirst come; thirst served."
• Sign in a dentist's office : "Special pains given to children."
• "Men's suits. $5 each. They won't last a day!"
• For a fireman's ball : "You come to our dance. We'll come to your fire."
• "Do not go elsewhere to be cheated. Buy your shoes here."
• "If your hair is not becoming to you, you should be coming to us."
• "Don't drive as if you own the road. Drive as if you own the car."
• "Can lost by an elderly gentleman with a curiously carved head."
• Sign on dam : "U.S. Government Property. Do Not Remove."
• "Try out cough syrup. You'll never get any better."
• "Keep your temper. Nobody else wants it."
• "Dreaded veal cutlets today."
• "Customers who think the waiter is rude should see the manager."
• "Warning! To touch the overhead wires means instant death. Anyone touching them will be prosecuted!"
• In a laundromat : "When the machine stops working. Remove all your clothes."
• "Buy a frankfurter and roll downstairs."
• "Stay in school and be up to know good."
• Sign in a paint store : "Husbands choosing colors must have a note from their wives."

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