"Men are genetically programmed to have most of their higher logic functions dictated to them by their…well, their dicks.
It's truly one of the gender's  more attractive qualities".

Dear Mom,
Yes, I actually said that to someone.   And promptly was accused of being a "man hater."  Needless to say, I was highly insulted at that.  I think men are wonderful beings.  But they have their faults, just as women do, and once you know that and can accept that, then the happier everyone will be.  I mean, 'duh!'  No one is perfect.  Although, I have seen a few guys that can come pretty damn close.  Which brings me to the point of this letter.

Have I told you about my current objet de lust?  Well, okay.  That isn't exactly an accurate statement.  There is a good deal of lust involved, that's true.  But that's not all of it.  Now before you freak out and tell me that the last thing I need right now is to be in any kind of emotional entanglement, let me say this.  Duh!!!!!  I know this.  And that's not where I'm heading with this.  Even if I wanted to, which I don’t, (been there, done that, bought the tee-shirt), the gentleman in question is so not amenable to that idea.  So it works out all around.

He'd probably be a bit insulted that I referred to him as a gentleman.  Or not.  I'm still not clear on how I read to him.  You do understand, don't you?  It's that intuition thing that I do.  I can tell you that what I do read is that he is used to having everyone tell him that he is cute, hot, good-looking, etc.  But I also don't think that he is really comfortable in his own skin.  It's really too bad, too.  He's got some great things going for him.  Intelligence for one.  It doesn't come easy for him though, at least that's not what I see.  He has to work for it.  But he's one of those that once he has it, it sticks.  I tend to think that is more impressive.  Maybe because I am the opposite.  Me, I got a great head on my shoulders; even I will admit to that.  But I tend to forget a lot of things quickly too.  Especially if they don't hold my interest.

But I digress.
 

So, yeah.  The guy is beyond smart.  He is also one of the more focused people I have met in a while.  Which is pretty impressive when you stop to think about where I work.  I deal with overachievers all the time.  And sometimes they are a truly frightening bunch.  In fact, frequently they are scary.  Again, I digress.

So where was I?

Ah yes. So anyway.  The problem is that this guy is thinking one thing and I'm coming from a different spot.  He thinks that just because I have a deep abiding appreciation for his, er….attributes, that that's all I see.  BZZT.  Wrong answer.  Thank you for playing the home game.  He intrigues me.  I like the way his mind works.  He's got a diabolical sense of the absurd.  Call me crazy but I can respect that.

So what do I want from this guy?

In all honesty, I just want to be a friend to him.  I want him to know that he can tell me anything. I mean, didn't I play nice and keep my mouth shut when he told me what his reason's for not wanting to get involved with me were?  Even though, if I had pointed it out to him, he would've admitted that he was playing the denial game.  He's good about that.  I want him to know that he can tell me if it's because he thinks I look like a troll's backside, or if he thinks that I am the latest in a long line of Anti-Christ's (what?  You didn't know there was more then one?), I'm not going to kill him.  Hell, I have been have tempted to tell him about the Quirks.  And there are only about 6 people that know that huge tidbit in my life.  I have connected to him.  But I think that the connection only goes one way.

Too bad. As Nathaniel Branden says "Self esteem is the reputation we acquire with ourselves."

And I ran up the stairs to my parents' bedroom
Mummy and daddy were sleeping in the moonlight
Slowly I opened the door, creeping in the shadows
Right up to the foot of their bed
I raised the guitar high above my head
And just as I was about to bring the guitar crashing down
upon the center of the bed, my father woke up, screaming "Stop!"
"Wait a minute! Stop it boy! What do ya think you're doin'?
That's no way to treat an expensive musical instrument!"
And I said: "God dammit daddy!
You know I love you, but you got a hell of a lot to learn about rock 'n roll"

--(Meatloaf, "Wasted Youth" Bat out of Hell II)

How was that for a non sequitur?

So what does this have to do with men in general?  Well it seems to me that the big issue here is basically a male mindset versus a female mindset.  Men are generally more goal-oriented.  It has to be tangible for them to appreciate it.  Which explains the following quote that I have heard from many men at different points in my life, "Obviously, the only way to stop a woman from talking is to put something in her mouth."   It all goes back to being goal-oriented.  The major problem that I think men have in dealing with women is that they assume that women are just as goal-oriented.  Hence the assumption that if a woman is flirting with you then she must want a complete relationship.  I can understand the assumption but it still is frustrating to have to deal with.  Like the lyrics above say "...you got a hell of a lot to learn about rock 'n roll."  Or in this case, women.  More specifically, me.

This is why I love dealing with men.  Because it is always a learning experience.  And as a friend of mine has said, "Knowledge is everything.  Without it, you're shit."
 

 © JadeRyan  1999-2000.