_________________________________________________________

First, print the survey. Then use the print-out to rate each of the following statements from 1 - 5 using the ratings below to indicate how often you do as the statement says. Please write your responses in the LEFT column of dashes. Answer the questions to portray your most usual way of dealing with conflicts like those at home or at work. Do not take long on any question. Give your initial reaction. The more honest your answers, the more useful the results will be. When you are through, go to the pages with instructions for scoring and interpretation.

 

Almost never Occasionally Half the time Usually Almost always

 

5.	____	/	____	When I prepare to meet to discuss a conflict, I try to arrange for a mutually acceptable time and setting.
6.	____	/	____	I feel it is important where a conflict takes place.
7.	____	/	____	I try to make people feel comfortable when meeting with them about a conflict.
8.	____	/	____	When I start to discuss a conflict with the other party, I choose my opening statement carefully to establish positive realistic expectations.
		A	____

 

9.	____	/	____	I state my true feelings when dealing with conflict.
10.	____	/	____	During a conflict I ask questions to clarify a statement that I'm not sure of.
11.	____	/	____	I try to be aware of how my negative and positive self-perceptions influence the way I deal with a conflict.
12.	____	/	____	In conflict my reactions are based on how I think the other party perceives me.
		C	____

 

13.	____	/	____	I feel that only my needs are important.
14.	____	/	____	I feel for a relationship to last, the needs of both parties must be considered.
15.	____	/	____	In a conflict I strive to distinguish between real needs and desires.
16.	____	/	____	In order not to harm the relationship, I may temporarily put aside some of my own less important personal wants.
		N	____

 

17.	____	/	____	I share my positive attitude, hoping they will do the same.
18.	____	/	____	I find it necessary to overpower others to get my own way.
19.	____	/	____	I am aware of the other person may need to feel in control of the conflict.
20.	____	/	____	In a conflict, I believe there should be no upper-hand.
		P	____

 

21.	____	/	____	I find it easy to forgive.
22.	____	/	____	I bring up old issues from the past during a new conflict.
23.	____	/	____	When dealing with a conflict, I consider the future of the long-term relationship.
24.	____	/	____	In conflict I try to dominate the other party.
		F	____

 

25.	____	/	____	I listen with an open mind to alternative options.
26.	____	/	____	I feel there is just one way to solve a problem.
27.	____	/	____	When dealing with a conflict, I have preconceived notions about the other party that I am unwilling to let go of.
28.	____	/	____	I can accept criticism from others.
		O	____

 

29.	____	/	____	I feel that winning the war is more important than winning the battle.
30.	____	/	____	I strive for a complete and genuine resolution of a conflict rather than settling for a temporary agreement.
31.	____	/	____	When dealing with a conflict I have a pre-determined solution to the outcome.
32.	____	/	____	I feel the need to control an argument.
		D	____

 

33.	____	/	____	If I had my way, I win, you lose.
34.	____	/	____	When in a conflict with someone, I ask them to explain their position.
35.	____	/	____	I bargain to resolve conflict.
36.	____	/	____	At the end of a conflict, it matters to me that the other person's needs have been met as well as my own.
		M	____

 

37.	____	/	____	I express anger constructively.
38.	____	/	____	In difficult conflicts, I would consider requesting a third party facilitator.
39.	____	/	____	I overlook my partners anger in order to focus on the real issues to conflict.
40.	____	/	____	I feel that it is okay to agree to disagree on specific issues in a conflict.
		X	____

Total ________

Using the same 1-5 scale above, how often do you feel you are effective at resolving conflicts in a way that builds your long-term relationship with the other parties?

___ 1 Almost Never
___ 2 Occasionally
___ 3 Half The Time
___ 4 Usually
___ 5 Almost Always

'Even God is not ripe enough to catch a women in love'