JLAshland Book II: The Rise of Evil Bill

by DaDamerican

*The last we saw our intrepid adventurers from Ashland, Kentucky, they were just joined by their old comrade Wonder Mormon. Meanwhile, Evil Bill had just assembled the Rush Irregulars and enlisted their aid in his war against the Justice League of Ashland. In addition, the founding member of the JLAshland known as Kung Fu, although apparently killed, is alive and well but, suffering from amnesia and calling himself The Pimpinator, is searching out Evil Bill and his true identity.*

Central Park, Ashland

Another child slid down an ice-slide.

"I can't believe we're doing this," Ice Queen said.

"We should be out searching for Evil Bill!" Wonder Mormon said.

"Mary, Annie, you know we do this charity benefit every year! The kids love it!"

"We know, Joe. It's just so frustrating sometimes! I wish something would just happen!"

Then something happened.

JLAshland Book II:TROEB Chapter 1: Meanwhile . .

By: DaDamerican

Meanwhile in The Projects . . .

A lone figure walks the night. He looks for answers. He looks for secrets. He looks for a good place to relieve himself.

"Ahhhh, that's the stuff. Reminds me of writing my name in the snow . . .wait! I bet that's a clue to my identity! I bet--"

The man was interrupted by two slack-jawed yokels.

"Hey! Cletus! Lookie hyar whut I found!"

"Whut in the Heyull is thayut thing?"

"Danged if I know! Ain't it purty, though?"

"Why it sho' is, Jim-Bob! Looks like onna dem ray guns, like on teevee!"

"Yeah--hey! Whut the Heyull are you doin' thar, boy? You peein' on my trailer? Who do you think you are?"

The man answered. "I'm not really sure. Call me the Pimpinator. I don't remember--"

"Say, you know whut this hyar thing is? I--wupps!" Jim-Bob accidentally presses a button on the contraption. A green ray shoots out at the still-depantsed Pimpinator and . . .disintegrates him.

"Uh-oh."

"Cletus, you didn't see nuttin'! You hyar me? Nuttin'! C'mon, let's go get drunk."

TROEB Chapter 2: Evil is afoot

By: Infinite Mike.

Grayson Lake:

Infinite Mike's shift at the park was over, so he had headed off to Grayson Lake for some rest and relaxation. It was a cool day, not cold, just cool. He sat back, cast his line into the water and hoped that some fish would be stupid enough to try to eat the bait. As he was watching the bobber, he noticed something out on the lake. It was a boat. The "Hozenkrak."

Meanwhile...

Central Park, Ashland:

Yes, something was happening.

"UUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!" The voice emanated from the other side of the Ice Queen's ice slide.

"Mary! I told you that some poor kid would try to stick his tongue on the slide!!" Wonder Mormon scolded.

"Is it my fault that the kid is stupid?!" she replied.

"Let's just get the kid's tongue off the slide," Joe broke in.

As the three walked around the edge of the slide, they saw something utterly horrifying.

In unison they yelled "That's not some stupid kid wearing an 'I love Vanilla Ice T-shirt, and an 'I attended Michael Jackson's Playground cap.' That's Gremlin Lee!!"

TROEB Chapter 3: I hate it when this happens.

by: Battling Beatnik

Central Park, Ashland

Gremlin Lee rips off his pitiful disguise and slings it at the stunned JLA members.

"No!!" El Wood throws himself in-between his teammates and the flurry of distasteful clothing only to have an ugly shirt catch him across the brow. For a moment everyone stood in puzzlement over the noble, but completely uncalled for display of heroism. The moment passed quickly, though, as the JLA team realized that Gremlin Lee was not alone.

In the flurry of small children and hysterical parents the Rush Irregulars could be seen moving in on the four remaining JLA members.

"Gremlin Lee!" grunted the Ice Queen. Then she...well, you know, she...um, she..."kicked him in the nards!" The battle had begun.

DaDamerican was suddenly smacked in the face by an in flight three year old being thrown by a hulking man in overalls. No shirt. No shoes. Just coveralls. Inbred Lad was a nasty looking man.

Wonder Mormon was being approached by Psycho Killer Man, but seemed unable to react. Her mind was being completely consumed by his incoherent speech and nauseating smell.

The one called Brickface was busy in her attempts to attack El Wood, but incidentally our daring swashbuckler is proving far to agile.

Annoying Girl began coming onto the DaDamerican. Ice Queen, enraged by the villainess' exceedingly poor sense of style, encased Annoying Girl's feet in a block of ice and clocked her in the noggin.

"Movin' in on you territory, aye baby?" dared DaDamerican, but Ice Queen had something more pressing to involve herself in. Inbred Lad had begun beating up all the kids' mothers.

TROEB Chapter 4: A fight at the park

By: DaDamerican

Central Park, Ashland

DaDamerican ducked down and swept Inbred Lad's feet out from under him. "Wonder Mormon! Watch out! Hold your breath!"

It was too late. Psycho Killer Man's putrid stench had already affected her. She grew dizzy and stumbled back.

"Humnahumnahumnahumna . . .I know what you girls really like . . .humnahumnahumna . . .a mobile home!" Psycho Killer Man said, touching her shoulder. This brought her out of the stupor.

"Aiyeeeeeee! You touched me! No one touches me!" Wonder Mormon reared back her fist.

DaDamerican yelled, "Remember, W.M., he's not really evil, just easily led! Don't hurt him too much!" Wonder Mormon knocked him back 50 feet. "Or, do that. How are you faring, El Wood?"

"Not too bad!" Brickface charged at him again, her face of stone just missing him. "I'll have this poor girl finished in a bit!"

"Ha!" Ice Queen said. "I've already dispatched with two bad guys!"

"Don't get cocky, sweetheart! You only immobilized Annoying Girl!"

"DaDamerican's right, you stupid slut!" Annoying Girl cried. "He knows I'm better. That's why he loves me! Why he--" Annoying Girl began an annoying monologue that went on and on. Ice Queen grabbed her ears.

"Arrrrrrrrgh! IT'S! SO! ANNOYING! CAN'T! THINK! STRAIGHT!"

****************

Grayson Lake

"Bassmaster! Good to see you! We've been wondering where you were," Infinite Mike said.

"Well, Mike, I'd tell you . . .but then I'd have to kill you. Neither of us want that, right? So, how's the League?"

"You don't know? Evil Bill is on the warpath, more powerful than ever before! Kung Fu is missing, possibly dead! And Flotarr was working with Bill! He's heavily sedated at the HQ now, though."

"Good Lord. Looks like you found me just in time. Come on, get in the Hozenkrak. We've got some evil @$$ to kick."

*****************

JLAshland HQ

Battling Beatnik, Adrenalin, Heartman, and Girl Man sat around the conference table.

"Aye, so me and this krazy kitten were at the coffee-shop, see? So she says--"

The alarm system started beeping loudly. "INTRUDER ALERT! INTRUDER ALERT!"

"Thank God!" Adrenalin said. Heartman rushed to the monitors.

"By the sands of Tatooine!" He exclaimed. "It can't be!"

TROEB Chapter 5: B Flat

by: Infinite Mike

Central Park, Ashland:

The melee between the JLAshland and the Rush Irregulars continued. Neither said really appeared to be gaining any real ground. At times, the JLA would appear to almost win, when they were all suddenly attacked by Annoying Girl's annoying monologues. Evil Bill watched the fight from a distance, grimly smiling to himself as he though that he had finally found a way to defeat the JLA once and for all.

"What to do call this thing???!!!" yelled Infinite Mike as he almost fell out of the vehicle speeding along at 200 miles per hour. "Hozenkrak." replied Bassmaster, completely unfazed by the tremendous speed.

Within seconds, the pair had pulled up to Central Park. "The JLA is on the other side of the park. As the duo neared, unfamiliar sounds emanated from the Park. "Bassmaster. You stay here. I'll check it out." With that said, Infinite Mike disappeared. Just a few seconds later, Mike reappeared directly in front of Bassmaster, almost causing Mark to pee on himself.

"Don't scare me like that!!"

"Sorry. It seems that our comrades are in a bit of trouble. There is a major battle going on between them and the Rush Irregulars. Get your Bass Guitar/Fishing Rod tuned up, and I'll set up a distraction."

Bassmaster pulled out the sable, sleek bass clef and tuned it.. "Let's see....I think F sharp would be a good note." The pair quietly approached the battle scene. "Mike, time to get this party goin'." "I couldn't have said it better."

El Wood was still dodging Brickface. El Wood wouldn't attack. He would just dodge and let Brickface hurt herself. Ice Queen had managed to freeze Annoying Girl's mouth shut, so that the JLA could actually think strait without the annoying monologues. Inbred Lad and Psycho Killer Man somehow teamed up against the rest of the JLA there. Gremlin Lee had donned another poor excuse for a disguise to try to get out of the fight and back to Evil Bill. Suddenly, the entire scene was surrounded by a wall of Infinite Mikes.

"Arrrggggghhhhhh!!!!! There are even more of them!" one of the Irregulars shouted.

Brickface stopped charging El Wood, and ran toward the Mikes. She fell right through them. The other Irregulars were having no success with the Mikes. Every one of their attacks went through them. "I can't keep this up for long! I need some help!"

Bassmaster then jumped out from behind a bush and fired several blasts out of his wondrous weapon. Some of the Irregulars were knocked out. He then sent out a sonic sub-woofer bass sound and a couple of fresh-water, wide mouthed bass that managed to incapacitate Annoying Girl.

"Mark! Watch your back!!"

Psycho-Killer-Man's stench had reached Bassmaster.

"Ernie! Snap out of it! We’re your . . .Hamanahamanhaman............" Mark fainted.

The Infinite Mikes rematerialized into just one Infinite Mike.

"Hey stink-breath!! I betcha you can't get me! Na na na na na na! Come on! Let's see what you've got in you!"

This made Inbred Lad very angry to say the least. He left Bassmaster and charged Mike. DaDamerican grabbed the Bassmaster’s weapon.

"How do you use this thing??!!"

Mike dodged the charge. Inbred Lad came with a second charge. Mike dodged again. DaDamerican then slammed the alien guitar/fishing rod into the head of Inbred Lad. This had virtually no effect considering that Inbred Lad didn't have very much of a brain. But it was enough to gain the advantage.

"Curses!! My Evil Plan has been foiled again! If I could only take them on one at a time, when they are alone..."

JLAshland #2 pt 6: Who left the garage door open?

by Battling Beatnik

JLAshland HQ: (1st person POV of Battling Beatnik)

What's happened? I was just getting to the best part of my "Annetta Story" when that crazy alarm started to go off again. Heartman is still over at the window quoting Star Wars with a frightening amount of energy. Some people just need to calm down now and then.

There he goes again, "By the sands of Tatooine!" or something "It can't be!"

Girlman decides to get interested. "What's happening Heartman?"

"How about you sit down and let me finish my story."

Here he goes again, "It's...it's...By the sands of Tatooine!" or something "It can't be!"

Damn, I'm out of coffee. Well, Heartman's too excited to finish his anyway.

I guess Adrenalin decides to play along too. "Stop that Heartman! Just tell us what's going on!"

So, I decide to help them out. "Computer? What is the meaning of this untimely interruption?" I finish dumping Heartman's coffee into my cup.

I love the computer's voice, all heavenly and unreal. "There is a high correlation between the intruder alarm and the recent disturbance on the first three floors caused by the dozen rampaging robots."

Here Heartman goes again, talking too fast and all that. "Yea! Yea! The bottom of the building's on fire!"

The confused Girlman and Adrenalin, "The building's on fire!?!"

"That's what he said. The bottom of the building's on fire. Why don't you all relax and let me finish my story?"

Girlman, flying and all that, bolts out the double doors to the stairwell and heads downstairs. Adrenalin, somehow enhancing here agility and speed, goes darting afterward with Heartman running behind in a

panic. I light a cigar. Heartman's coffee has gone cold.

"Computer? Terminate that stupid alarm it's annoying me."

"But..." It's a finicky computer.

"Just turn it off. Everyone's got the point by now."

A peace fell over the room as soon as that infernal racket ceased. The fighting going on downstairs wasn't being quite as considerate. I give them about fifteen minutes, but they're not done so I check on reinforcements.

"Computer? How is Flotarr fairing? He should be over that cough syrup low by now."

As unreal as ever, "Mr. Flotarr is...well, 'sleeping it off.' If I may add, they seem to be having quite a bit of trouble downstairs. The robots are lost renegades looking to retrieve their creator, Dr. Fuller, who is being detained in the basement. Shouldn't you...lend a hand?"

"I'm busy." I take another breath from the cigar and move over to the couch on the wall. "Computer, how about you turn on the sprinkler system so the rest of our building doesn't go up in flames."

"Oh, oh, that would be a good idea, wouldn't it?"

"Stupid computers." I lay back on the couch.

------------

I guess it was about ten minutes later when they came back up.

"So, how'd it go kids?"

Adrenalin decided to get a little pushy. "Where were you, you stupid beatnik? We coulda' been killed! A dozen robots and only three of us! You didn't even get up off your poetry spoutin' #!$!"

"That's not true. I moved over here to the couch."

Heartman's all out of excitement and decides to calm down Adrenalin too. "Hey, everything's all right now. The sprinkler system came on just in time and shorted all the robots."

"Imagine that. You kids don't look to hot. How about you go clean up and catch some a' that shut-eye. We're outta' coffee. I'll be back in a couple hours."

I don't know why, but they were all giving me funny looks as I left the room. Kids! What ya' gonna' do with 'em.

---------

JLA garage

"Who the HELL left the garage door open!?!?"

JLAshland #2 pt 7: We Did!

by DaDamerican

DaDamerican smiled. "Well, Beatnik, WE left the garage door open. Wouldn’t really call it ‘leaving’ it open, though. We just opened it, so we could park the DaDamobile."

"Wha? You kids are back early. What’s the prob, Bob?"

"No problem, really. We were attacked by the Rush Irregulars, but we defeated them. And, as you could probably see," Infinite Mike said, "I found Bassmaster."

"Outta the way, the Hozenkrak is comin’ through!" Bassmaster boomed. His super-car boomed bass beats.

"Those morons were child’s play. The authorities have them now," Wonder Mormon said.

"They’re just misguided," El Wood protested.

"Shut up," Ice Queen snorted.

"So, what about Evil Bill?" Heartman asked, leaning out the door to the garage.

"No sign of him. I’m afraid he’s recharging his mystical powers."

"Yeah, DaDamerican’s right," Bassmaster said. "He’ll be impossible to find for a while. We might as well relax."

El Wood looked worried. "I don’t know, guys . . .that sounds a little risky! We should search for him!"

"We will, we will. Just not now! I, for one, am going to Grendel’s Pond Bar and Grill. Anyone else up for it?"

"Sure, baby. Might find me a cool kitten," Battling Beatnik said.

"It is an interdimensional nexus, no? It could prove interesting."

El Wood balked at Infinite Mike. "YOU’RE GOING TO A BAR?!?"

"I assure you," he replied, "I will be quite all right. It could prove . . .educational."

"Well, come on, guys, let’s go."

[To hear about DaDamerican, Battling Beatnik, and Infinite Mike’s adventure that comes next, read their solo stories in their own titles!]

******Evil Bill’s Evil Cave******

Evil Bill thought to himself. Why am I surrounded by incompetents? Even that entire team couldn’t defeat just a few of the cursed Justice League! I know that I’ll have to take the heroes on one at a time now. Then I can destroy them once and for all!

Evil Bill laughed maniacally, "Bwa-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-haaaaaa!"

JLA #2 pt.8: Why didn't he do this before?

by Battling Beatnik

Where? The home of Heartman and Adrenalin.

As if the suburbs in Ashland weren't frightening enough, Heartman has forgotten his keys again. He is ravaging the door, trying to wake up his sister, Adrenalin, so she'll let him in.

"Come on, Adrenalin! Hurry up, it's scary out here."

"In a minute. I can't find the light switch." Heartman can hear his little sister rustling around inside the house.

The light bulb just above the door crackles and goes dark. "Darn it," whines the unsuspecting Heartman as a shadowy figure moves in behind him and reaches a clammy hand over his shoulder and across his neck. Heartman is silent, stricken with fear. You never hear much about the random killings in Ashland. That's because the city government conceals them from the public to maintain their sense of security. Heartman has no security tonight. His life is over. He knows it . . . and quietly accepts it.

"Found the switch," bellows his dear sister from inside, soon to be without her brother. Can he warn her in time? No. In a violent jerk, the dark figure tears his hand away from Heartman's neck, not streaming his vital fluids across the porch, but rending a pale blue and green mist-like aura from his entire being. His eyes transform into charcoal orbs as he drops to his knees and then falls against the door with the same kind of thud he had moments before initiated to awaken his sister.

"Don't be impatient. I'm here already." Adrenalin opens the door and her brother's head falls to her feet, but she doesn't notice. She is consumed by the dark figure in front of her. He thrusts out his other hand and steals Adrenalin's vital aura as he did her brother's. She falls limp into the same pile of empty flesh.

"Honk, honk!" The Bassmaster pulls up in front of the house in the Hozenkrak (or what not), but instantly becomes wise to the dark figure and the mass of bodies and screeches off on his way to JLA headquarters. In moments Bassmaster is miles away, but the world outside the Hozenkrak (or what not) suddenly goes black. "What the..."

"Beautiful, isn't it Mark" (Bassmaster's real name). The voice came from the seat beside him.

"Well...Hel-le-lo, Bill. How ya'...you know...been doin'?"

"You know Mark, you really should invest your soul in something. Life, love, faith in a higher being...me. I've created a spell so that you can do just that."

The Hozenkrak (or what not) crashes into a BP station and the entire lot bursts into an infamous inferno. Moments later a single, unattractive figure can be seen walking from the flames. All the hair on his body has been singed off, but his skin remains untouched. Three small blue and green mists can be seen swarming about his body as he disappears into the dark forest heading in the general direction of Rush.

JLA #2 pt.8: Because it hadn't been written yet

by Infinite Mike

The BP station was left in flaming ruins. Fire trucks were on the scene, but even with all the water, the fire burned a bright yellow in the cool night air. Stars twinkled up in the heavens far far away from this little Earth, from this little Ashland. Evil Bill navigated through the forest with his Boy Scout knowledge. He could still hear the words of wisdom from his friend, Schrumo, the oldest Tenderfoot alive, who had moved away several years before. The blue green mists orbited around his body. Making his way back to Rush was harder than what he thought it would be. A sweat broke out and was cooled by the crisp night air. He made his way down the perilous Route 60, and laughed maniacally to himself. "Three down already. It was so easy!! The JLA falls apart when they aren't together. Maybe I'll make a slight detour." Bill continued down route 60, but then as he got to the gas station/Subway he kept walking straight instead of turning to the right. "Soon. Very soon. I will have the aura of other of the JLA. And to think I didn't need the help of Gremlin Lee, or any of those Rush Irregulars." Bill donned a costume so that he would fit in with his surroundings. It made him look like a corpulent Keebler Elf. As he was making his way on to his next victim, a Chevy Nova drove past and pulled off the side of the road suddenly causing a great screech and gravel to be thrown up into the air. Emerging from the car were Bill's cousin Jerrel Blatherskite, Bask N. Robbins, and the Monkey-Man. These three were not super-heroes by any stretch of the imagination, they just decided to change there names to sound like the others in this story. They were normal, except for one thing, they could get along (some of the time) with Bill. "Ahhh. I see that you have arrived. It is time to leave."

"But to where?" Blatherskite said.

"To the residence of El Wood. We are going to ... uh ... give him ... a surprise! Which is why I am dressed as a Keebler Elf. So that he won't know who I am, yeah that's it."

Taking all those words for face value, the group got in the car and they speeded back on the highway on to El Wood's. Bill took control of there minds. There was very little resistance, particularly since they didn't know Bill was taking control of there minds. They neared the house, and quietly got out of the car. The house was locked, but a small window was open. Monkey-Man was able to climb up and through the window, and unlock the main door from inside. Robbins went back to the car, to keep a watch for anything that might hinder them. Once inside, the group made there way back to the room that El Wood uses. When they opened the door, all that could be seen was trash/old clothes/dust/anything and everything know to mankind.

"I didn't count on a mess like this! We'll have to clean it up to get to him! He's under this somewhere!"

"How do you know that?! Do you think that we'll actually clean this room?" said Monkey-Man.

Bill's grip on their minds tightened.

"We'll clean the room!" shouted Monkey-Man as the group got to work.

After 30 minutes of working the top layer was clean.

After one hour, the floor could be seen.

After two hours, they found the bed, with El Wood soundly asleep.

"El Wood. Wake up Woody. WAKE UP!!"

A startled El Wood jumped out of bed and already had a sabre in his hand ready to defend himself.

"So, you think that you could get to me in the night, do you?"

"No. But I think that they could."

Blatherskite and Monkey-Man jumped out at El Wood, who dodged out of the way. But, as he did this, Bill turned, reached and grabbed El Wood and his aura. A lifeless heap of a man fell to the floor with the thud that often accompanies a lifeless heap of a man falling to the floor. Now four auras orbited and flowed around his body. Bill left the house and reentered the dark night. Morning was coming. In a few hours a new light would be spread on Ashland and the world . . .

JLA #2 pt.10: The Cavalry

by DaDamerican

Wonder Mormon scowled. "Why isn't anyone here?" she demanded. "We were going to meet today to discuss how to find and beat Evil Bill."

"Well, we still can," Girlman said.

"The three of us?" Ice Queen said. "Sure, we're three of the most powerful, and I don't even like most of those others, but I'm kind of worried."

"Yeah. Infinite Mike, DaDamerican, and the Battling Beatnik have been missing ever since they went to that bar on J Street [Where are they? Check out their solo comics under the Scatterday crossover!--Jolly Joe]. Flotarr is still unstable, Kung Fu is dead, and now Heartman, Adrenalin, Bassmaster, and El Wood are missing."

"Missing? Just because they're late to the meeting?" Girlman said.

"Oh, no," Ice Queen said, sitting at the computer.

"What?"

"They found Heartman and Adrenalin's bodies at their house. Bassmaster was found at the BP station. And El Wood's mom found him under a large amount of clothing."

"Oh my God!" Girlman.

"It must've been that freak Evil Bill. I say we hit him, and hit him hard. Computer! Contact JLAshland reserve operatives, codenames Whiteguy; Great Chacheroo; Jane-Hell, Demon From the Pits; and Drama Queen."

"Yes, Wonder Mormon," the computer responded.

"We have to pull out all stops. I'm going to contact The Troll."

"The Troll? She's a villainess!"

"Yes, but she hates Evil Bill just as much as me. We're going to take him down.

******Later******

"I hate this super-hero crap, but Evil Bill has gone too far. I'll help," Jane-Hell's eyes flashed with fire.

"I've been needing to flex my muscles," Whiteguy said. The Great White Hope smiled. "That dork'll never know what hit him, eh, Chach?"

"Right on." The Great Chacheroo was floating, sitting Indian-style. "His dark magicks will be no match for my sorcery."

"I'm sure!" The Troll said. "I'm just going to kick his disgusting butt!"

Jane-Hell's beeper went off. "Hold on, I've got to make a call."

When she came back, Girlman said, "Who was that?"

"That was Zachariah, a minor angel who owes me a few favors. I've got some good news and some bad news. Good news is that NONE of our friends are actually dead. Neither Heaven nor Hell has their souls. Bad news is, that means the ones for whom we have bodies have been drained of their life-essence. If we don't get it back to them soon, they'll die."

JLA #2 pt.11: The Singing Sword

by El-Wood

The emergency detection program in El-Wood's computer had been running for the past several hours in an attempt to discover exactly what had happened. It had detected the fall of El-wood's saber from his hand, and had immediately invoked the emergency bio-signs scanner to check El-wood for open wounds, broken appendages, or general distress signals emanating from his recently installed prototype compu-link implant. It found only a scratch at the back of his neck and a bruise just behind his left ear. Normally that would indicate that El-wood had had too much caffeine, or too little sleep, and somehow had nicked himself shaving while practicing his swordsmanship, and had proceeded to jump back and hit his head on the wall. That particular scenario, however, usually did not leave El-wood without electrical activity in the brain or without such good-health indicators a heart rate over zero, an inhalation volume of 0.00L/hour, or a total lack of peristalsis.

A small message appeared on the screen:

" Scenario 13423656354 running . . . . . complete

non-feasible: no purple bubble gum present on body.

begin Scenario 13423656355 . . . .."

It was a very fast computer, but the program wasn't. It took about 12 hours for it to figure out that Evil Bill had somehow removed the basic life essence from El-wood.

Another Message appeared:

" Begin Rescue Evaluations:

Scenario 1 running . . . . . "

about 4 hours later, the computer hit upon a "feasible" reanimation technique. It would generate a small, but efficient program to run on the implant in El-woods brain and attempt to simulate his brain's electrical patterns.

It took but a few minutes to generate the needed code and send it to the implant. The computer sent the execution command to the implant, and immediately exploded.

A Small message issued forth from El-Woods mouth:

"code execution complete.

Human body: reanimated.

All biosystems operating within normal parameters.

Unknown error detected.

Core dumped to alternate storage medium.

I'm hungry"