JLA #2 pt.12: What to do?

by Infinite Mike

JLA Headquarters:

Ice Queen and Wonder Mormon had called up the reserves. Infinite Mike, DaDamerican, and Battling Beatnik had disappeared after they left for this bar on J street. [Follow their individual stories in Scatterday 1!!!!] El-Wood, Bassmaster, Heart-Man, and Adrenalin had been robbed by Evil Bill of their life essence. Each existed in a state of dead and not dead. If the little blue green mists of life were not returned to them, they would surely die. But, the reserves were just that, reserves. They, although noble and strong, did not have the overall ability that the JLA regulars did. The reserves were out of practice in the crime fighting scene. But, it was all that the JLA had. The reserves had not been gathered for quite some time. This lead to several altercations between members on how things should be done. Most of the fights were between Wonder Mormon and the Troll.

*Thump. Thump. Thump*

"Hey, Chach. You hear that?"

"Yeah. I wonder what that is."

As Whiteguy and Chacheroo were wondering about the sounds coming from the room next door, Ice Queen entered.

"It seems that Wonder Mormon and the Troll are trying to beat the living crap out of each other again. I don't think that it was a good idea to call her."

"Hey. Let them work off some energy. It's better if they beat the crap out of each other now, rather than when we get to Evil Bill." Jane-Hell entered.

"Have you heard anything about the souls yet?"

"Not yet. When they find out something, they'll page me. But time is short. We need to tack down Evil Bill now!"

Wonder Mormon and the Troll entered.

"C'mon guys!! Let's go out there and kick Bill's Evil butt!!" The Troll was very commanding, and the entire Justice League (or what was left of it) got up and headed out the room with a mission to destroy Bill at all costs.

"I thought you two were beating each other up," said Chacheroo.

"We were, but the Troll and I decided that we were getting nowhere, and so we now have a bet. Whoever beats up Bill first wins."

JLA #2 pt.13: Nobody likes a whiner

by Battling Beatnik

So...the remaining JLA core members and five local reinforcements loaded into a Boyd County school bus and drove out in the direction of Rush. The sun set like lost salvation as they went.

-----

"Aye, guys! So where'd you say ol' Bill's stayin' again?" Whiteguy is steering the huge orange bus into a part of Ashland that the schools gave up on a long time ago. The city and county officials have considered the children of Rush a lost cause for years.

"He keeps it a secret," so says the Ice Queen as she moves up the isle. "I mean, if you lived in Rush would you want everyone knowing it?"

"Gotcha'!"

With a swift toss of his long blonde hair, Girl Man says, "Call me crazy, but that huge black cave over there is just a little suspicious looking. Besides...Evil Bill's real name is on the mail box--Stanley."

Everyone else tries to pretend as though they noticed the cave long ago and Whiteguy brings the school bus to a screeching halt.

Wonder Mormon yells out in a whisper, "Whiteguy! We're trying to sneak up on him."

"Come on. It's just Bill for God's sake."

The Great Chacheroo stops flipping through his Nifty Spells for Beginning Sorcerers paperback and speaks up. "They call him Evil Bill now. He's all evil."

"Yea, yea, yea." Whiteguy pulls back the huge door lever and exits the school bus. "O.K. now. Here's the plan..."

"Hold on there," calls out Wonder Mormon. "I'm the boss here and I'm gonna' be the one to make the plans. O.K. here's the plan. We run in there real fast like...and kick Bill's but."

In unison they reply, "Good plan!"

"I better stay and watch the school bus," The Troll (a short woman) speaks up. "I would feel just awful if something happened to it and some poor children were left out in the rain tomorrow without a ride to

school."

"Whatever," retorts Wonder Mormon. "That just means I'll get to kick Bill's but first and win our little competition." The Troll didn't seem to care, and so they charged into the abysmal cave after Jane-Hell,

Demon from the Pits picked up Evil Bill's mail for him.

------------

Where? Inside Evil Bill's secret cave.

Needless to say, Evil Bill's big bad secret schmecret cave wasn't all that much. After about fifteen feet of absolute darkness they reached Evil Bill's main chamber. It was a big square room (in more ways than one), and ol' Bill was sitting in a huge velvet chair at the far side, completely naked haven tossed the Keebler elf costume.

"So, you've finally come to surrender yourselves. My terms are simple enough. The men, of course, must die painfully and with much begging for mercy. The women," Evil Bill looks over the four women: Ice Queen, Jane-Hell, Demon from the Pits (in her sweet and humble human form), Drama Queen, and Wonder Mormon who he has previously expressed an affinity towards. He continues, "The women will become my eternal and devoted love slaves. I have spells to assure their affection."

The Great Chacheroo steps forward. "Spells, aye? Take a little bit of this!" He lifts his eyebrows up and down and does a little dance. Nothing happens other that some giggling from both sides. "Stupid book!" and he begins tearing pages from his Nifty Spells for Beginning Sorcerers paperback.

Evil Bill begins laughing maniacally. "And now you die." An explosion from the entrance fills the room with a cloud of Kentucky dust. As it clears, the image of Evil Bill and The Troll kissing each other like casual vomiting were in style leaves the JLA kids shocked. Then the two disappear and Evil Bill's voice can be heard from all corners of the room like a bad intercom system. "You're pitiful attack has been, well...pitiful. Forget about escaping. My new lover, I think you call her The Troll, has permanently sealed the cave entrance. We're now going to use your school bus to run the morning route and pick up fifty new elementary aged disciples. Good bye Justice League of Ashland."

Then there's more maniacal laughter, snorting, and slurping. The room begins to fill up with coal dust pouring in from some dozen tubes in the walls.

"Oh no! What do we do now?" (I know, I know, but someone had to say it) A coal dust coughing Drama Queen suggests, "If Infinite Mike were here he could just zip-zap us out of here."

Wonder Mormon grits her teeth. "I should have known something was up when that little troll pretended to care about little kids in the rain."

"Oh no! What do we do now?" (I know, I know, but someone had to say it again)

"It won't be long before this room fills up with coal dust *cough* and we're *cough* buried alive," so says Girlman.

"Oh no! What do we do now?" (I know, I know, I'll take care of it) Someone punches the whiner in the nose and the entire JLA team begin to brawl in the growing cloud of coal dust.

JLA #2 pt.14: Being Stuck In a Cave Blows

by DaDamerican

******The Cave In Which The JLAshland are Trapped******

The brawl winds down as the leaguers come to their senses.

"We have to get Evil Bill! This isn't helping!" Wonder Mormon proclaimed.

"Yeah. Our friends' lives are at stake."

"Indeed. They need their souls," El Wood said.

"Yeah, they--what the?! El Wood, you're supposed to be without life-force now, too!"

"Indeed, Ice Queen. I am a manifestation of El Wood's computer, animating his lifeless body."

Everyone looked at him for a second.

"That's pretty creepy," Whiteguy said. Everyone nodded in agreement.

"Well, regardless, we have to get out of here. Who other than me has super-strength?" Wonder Mormon asked.

Girlman raised his delicate hand.

Jane-Hell, Demon from the Pits said, "Well, in my . . .other form I am pretty strong."

"I've got it!" Ice Queen yells. "I'll freeze the rock, making it brittle. You bruisers can crack it open then."

"Well, then, let's do it!"

After the league is able to escape, they notice the school bus turned on it's side down the street.

Whiteguy said "I'll zip down their and scout the situation!"

In a moment, he was back. "The Troll and Evil Bill are duking it out! She double-crossed him, too!"

"She'd better not be the first one to kick his butt!" Wonder Mormon said, flying towards the fight.

"Annie, wait! We need a plan! We--oh, forget it. Let's go, Justice League!" With Ice Queen's cry, the rest of the replacement team charged into the battle.

JLA #2 pt.15: "I can deal with that."

by Battling Beatnik

In some estranged coffeehouse lost in the urban sprawl called Ashland, the Battling Beatnik has been sharing the Justice League of Ashland's adventure stories with some pretty little Ashland Community College graduate who has no idea what she should or shouldn't believe a few weeks after the capture of Evil Bill.

The red haired graduate doesn't know when to stop biting the bait. "So that's how you captured the infamous Evil Bill and foiled his depraved plan all by your lonesome?"

"Damn straight."

The graduate tries to sound wise. "You know, I never read anything about this Evil Bill fella' in the paper, not that I have been paying all that much attention."

"Of course you haven't. It's all been hush-hush and the like. We couldn't have a paranoid population taking to vigilante justice, could we now?"

"I guess not." She stops trying to sound wise. "And you would definitely know more about it than me. So, what's going to happen to your friends whose souls were stolen?"

The Beatnik grinds the stub of his cigar into the ash tray. "Bill claims that he cannot return the souls. He apparently didn't get that far along in witch school. It looks as though a few of us are going to need to go on a quest to find some sorcerer who can give us the fix we need. I just don't know where to start looking and you can imagine that ye 'ol Evil Bill isn't much help."

"That sucks."

"Tell me about it. What was your name again?"

"Annetta." It rolls off her tongue as though it means something more than is says.

"Well, Annetta," and he's not even trying to be smooth, "it's getting late, so how about you come over to my place?"

"It'll cost you a hundred dollars."

"I can deal with that." The Beatnik throws an appropriate wad of ones down on the table and the two stroll out of the far too un-trendy coffeehouse.