POEM #1: 12 dec. 1998

   PEOPLE

    How can people be so rude?
    How can they threat people like that?
    How can they hurt people so much?
    How can they kick them hard in the back?
    How can they say they are friends when they leave ya when you need them?
    How can they follow the evil persons?
    How can they use my thoughts against me?
    How can they use my history to hurt me?
    How can they all smile when i am crying?
    How can they call me a liar, when i mean no harm?
    How can they try to keep me away from fun?
    How can they ignore me when i try to make contact?
    How can they forget all the things which they've done to me?
    ...
    How can i live with all those people...

Gwinny Aminah 1998
 

SONGTEXT OF TIC TAC TOE (BITTE BITTE KUSS MICH NICHT)
TRANSLATED IN DUTCH.

    Alsjeblieft kus me niet.

    Het was een hele normale dag, maar toch hing er een sfeer,
    die anders was, en het werd me duidelijk.
    Er was iets gebeurd, hij had me nog nooit zo aangekeken.
    We gingen mijn kamer in, beetje knuffelen zoals altijd.
    Maar toen wilde hij meer,ik voelde me zo leeg, zo verlaten.
    Ik hield toch van hem. Ik wilde hem niet gaan haten.
    Hij heeft genomen wat hij nodig had, hij heeft me gebruikt,
    bevuild, gelogen en me om mijn liefde bedrogen.
    Ik kon dat allemaal niet begrijpen, alleen 1 ding wel…
    dat het verder zou gaan.
    Ik kon niemand wat vertellen, moest alles stom verdragen,
    moest hem beloven het geheim nooit te vertellen.
    Ik heb dat allemaal niet zo gewild, maar toch heb ik het gedaan.
    Alsjeblieft, alsjeblieft, alsjeblieft kus me niet.
    Hij had me beloofd, dat het nooit nog eens zou gebeuren.
    Alles zou weer worden zoals het was, maar toen was ie er weer.
    Met die blik in zijn ogen, wat kon ik nog geloven?
    Ik wilde weg uit me lichaam, ik kon er niet meer tegen.
    Maar hij hield maar niet op met me de lucht af te snijden.
    Het was als een nachtmerrie, waar ik niet wakker uit werd.
    Ik wilde wel vechten, maar ik was veels te zwak.
    Ik gaf mezelf de schuld, en geloofde daarin.
    Wat had ik gedaan? Wat dreef me hiertoe?
    ‘s-nachts kwam de angst. Probeerde te zweven.
    Ik zag mezelf van bovenaf, en ik wilde niet meer leven.
    Ik wilde het verdringen, wilde het vergeten.
    Maar het zich diep in me ziel gevreten.
    Ik voelde me zo alleen, voelde me zo klein.
    Wanneer zou dit alles nu voorbij zijn?
    Alsjeblieft, alsjeblieft, alsjeblieft kus me niet.
    Het heeft lang geduurd om de stilte te verbreken.
    Want het was allemaal veels te zwaar om erover te spreken.
    Ik had er de moed niet voor, toch heb ik het gedaan.
    En nu weet ik, dat ik er geen schuld aan had.
    Ik was nog klein……..
    ...
    HIJ IS HET ZWIJN!

Tic Tac Toe "bitte bitte kuss mich nicht"
my favourite song

Gwinny Aminah 1998
 

POEM #2 14-12-1998:

    FRIENDSHIP

   I like you, you like me.
    I can talk to you, you can talk to me.
    I love you, you love me.
    I care about you, you care about me.
    I cry for you, you cry for me.
    I am happy for you, you are happy for me.
    and now...
    I like you, you dislike me.
    I want to talk to you, you don't want to.
    I love you, you hate me.
    I care about you, you don't mind any more.
    I am happy for you, you don't wanna know.
    Friendship...does it exist...or is it always that skindeep?

Gwinny Aminah 1998
 
 

POEM #3 : 15 DEC. 1998

    CONTACT

   Hello?
    Does anyone hear me?
    I feel alone, and i want to talk.
    Hello?
    Does anyone care for me?
    I feel alone, and i want to talk.
    Hello?
    Why do you all ignore me?
    I feel alone, and i want to talk.
    Hello?
    Hell..no.

Gwinny Aminah 1998
 

 POEM #4 : 3 JAN. 1999
 

    For 3 years being in a cafe somewhere in cyberworld.
    And then he came, looked to me with a smiley...the smile of a demon.
    Loosing a game he played with me...i had to leave.
    Powerless as i was, i let me being kicked and hurted by other people.
    And all my so called friends didn't help me, but laughed and turned their backs to me.
    Remembering my words to them about my past, they used it to hurt me more and more.
    Still i live, after all evil things done to me. And i will survive.
    I will survive....

thank you all for your help 'friends'...
Gwinny Aminah 1999
 

POEM #5 : 3 JAN. 1999

    A new life is born.
    And she will change the world as it is.
    She will show that love is all you need.
    She will show that life is worthfull.
    She will show that happiness will be achieved.
    People tried to kill her.
    But she can't be killed.
    She is my daughter.
    She is my all.
    And you can't kill all.

Wendy..i love you with my whole heart.
I want you to become the most happiest girl in the world.
And i will do all to achieve that.
You made my life worthfull!!!

I love you:)

Your mom.

Gwinny Aminah 1999
 

POEM #6 : 6 JAN. 1999

    Ik heb je me liefde willen geven.
    Ik heb je me ziel willen geven.
    Ik heb je me gevoelens willen geven.
    Ik heb je me warmte willen geven.
    Maar wat wilde je?
    Me lichaam..
    Oh hoe zwart kan de nacht zijn...
    is er dan geen enkele zon meer?
    Me lichaam is een omhulsel.
    Je kan ermee doen wat je wilt.
    Er is mee gedaan wat anderen wilden.
    Maar mijn ziel,
    mijn liefde,
    mijn gevoelens,
    en mijn warmte
    hebben ze nooit gekregen.

Dissapointment is a part of life..
I know..though it still hurts.

Gwinny Aminah 1999
 

POEM #7 : 28 mrt 1999

A Father

A father for me.
I try to see.
I see horror and terror.
The ultimate tortuere.

A father for my daughter.
She has a mother.
But her daddy didn't want her.
So he tried to kill her.
He didn't succeed.
But i had to bleed.

Another man to become daddy?
But he only wanted mommy.
No matter what mommy wanted.
I know now where his thoughts started.
It was only my body he aimed for.
Holding me stucked on the floor.

It is all over now.
He found another woman oh wow.
He thought to be king of two bodies.
Sorry but my mind is filled with worries.
All i want for my daughter is a daddy nothing more.
But hell to you! I am not your whore.

No men never again!
It will be simply me and Wen.
I don't need anyone.
I will do it all alone.

Men you betrayed me many times.
You hurted me in all kinds.
You couldn't see there was more inside my body.
But why care? It is my worry.
Go away forever leave me alone.
For you men, my hart now will be made by stone.

Whistle when you see me walking.
Call me things when i don't reply to your advances.
I know what i am, or what you made me.
But a mother for Wen, i will always be.

I am no longer a woman anymore.
As for you i never ever were more as the korps of a whore.
From now on you will only see stonecoldness.
But hell i tell you this, my daughter has no father, but she will never ever be motherless.

Gwinny Aminah 1999

This was the last time a man will ever get close to me or to my daughter Wendy.
From this time of....i will no longer suffer from them and i will raise my daughter
in the proper way, filled with happiness and enjoyment she will go through life.
She will never see and feel the things i do.
She will live!
 

POEM # 8 : AUGUST 29 1999

You will see

You think calling me the less of the less will stop me.
You will see.
You think feeling my childish body will stop me.
You will see.
You think raping me will stop me.
You will see.
You think tortuering my body will stop me.
You will see.
You think drugs will stop me.
You will see.
You think a party of 5 on my body will stop me.
You will see.
You think leaving me alone pregnant will stop me.
You will see.
You think breaking my bones will stop me.
You will see.
You think hitting my daughter will stop me.
You will see.
You think forcing my body for your pleasure will stop me.
You will see.
Yes you will see how i still will survive.
And during me surviving, you loose all you could get.
Jail, lonelyness, death and hell is waiting for you.
What has been given to me comes triple as hard back to you.
As i lost my soul, i won a daughter.
She is the future, she is love, happiness, enjoyment, and most of all a smiling human being.
My pain is so much i still live in hell.
But i will take that all for my daughter.
You think i cannot?
You will see.

Gwinny Aminah 1999

Live isnot live.