IT’S A WOG’S WORLD

WOG. WOGS. WOGZ. WOGGY. WOGLAND. WOGSPEAK.

WHICHEVER WAY YOU LOOK AT IT, IT'S DEFINATELY...

A WOG’S WORLD OVER 100 SIGNS OF BEING A GREEK

You have a cousin called Jim.

You wear skintight black jeans

You have a Monaro or Holden or a Valiant **an Aussie made Greekmobile**

Your hair looks like an oil slick

You say "Killa" every thirty seconds

You say "Re" every time you talk to one of the lads

You say "Ra" every time you talk to one of the chicks

You always say "Kale"

There are no such things as a girl - there's only a "mori"

You say "Oi" continuously

You say "Chickybabe" every time anyone in a skirt walks past you.

You wear or at least own a gold chunky bracelet.

You wear a gold chain.

You wear a cross.

You wear an evil eye or the hand.

You are obsessed with GTs.

Your relly bashes exceed the limits of a nightclub’s legal patronage.

Garlic is considered a main meal.

Olive oil is like a drug- you can't survive without it.

You don’t know half your relatives.

You have a wedding at least twice a year.

Your monobrow could give Agro a run for his money.

You’re related to half of Adelaide.

An uncle’s wife’s third cousin relates you to a friend.

You or at least most of your uncles own a spit.

You live in Goodwood, Croydon, Woodville, Torrensville or Mile End. *Typical Greek areas in Adelaide*

You consider your group "Tha boyz" or "lads".

When greeting one of the lads, it's always "Ela re!"

You and tha boyz hang out at "The Pad."

You wear sunnies at night and consider it normal.

You go through 2 packets of smokes a day.

You smell like an aftershave factory.

There is no five o’ clock shadow – You have a five o’ clock beard.

You wear a Bond’s t-shirt.

You have a shrine devoted to Elvis.

You think spitting is attractive.

You have an Elvis inspired hairstyle.

You consider soccer the eighth wonder of the world.

Your cheeks receive their weekly work out every time you visit an aunt.

You need to wax your back and you are only 10.

You have a nose that could give Gonzo a run for his money.

You have a shrine dedicated to Diego Maradona

Your last name ends with: s, opolous, os, as, or is

Your last name consists of the entire alphabet.

You have a relation called Maria, Mario or Michael, Con, George or Bill.

JAG watches are considered compulsory.

Your CD collection consists of Black Sabbath, Kiss, Led Zeppelin and ACDC

You wear or at least own a pinky ring.

You have connections to the Mafia.

You wear a thin gold bracelet, and twitch your wrist every three seconds.

You walk passed a window, and reflexes make you adjust your hair.

You wear black Adidas sneakers with rubber soles and think you look cool.

It takes you half an hour to walk down Rundle Mall – relatives stop you for conversations.

You have a relative in the farming business.

A family member owns a fish and chip shop.

You own a two story house.

You consider it a personal insult if you are called Australian.

You have curly hair.

If you don’t have curly hair, you get a perm.

Kissing your great-aunts is like kissing a cat – whiskers get in the way.

Hanging out with wogboys is like a game of follow the leader - if one goes somewhere, the rest will follow.

You have a vegie patch in your yard.

You think it looks sexy chewing gum with your mouth open.

You hang around McDonald’s carparks at night and rev your car, and think it’s cool.

You and tha boyz go to parties in droves.

You tell your parents you’re seeing someone and they start sending out wedding invitations.

You’re home an hour late and you’re already listed as a missing person.

Your Dad has those old Greek tapes in the car, and plays them on family drives. Especially in the vicinity of attractive members of the opposite sex.

Your parents continually tell you the tale of walking 50 miles barefoot in the snow to get to school.

You break a leg, and your grandmother thinks your life is over.

Fluffy dice hang from your rear-view mirrors

You always have a toothpick in your mouth

A cigarette is placed behind your ear.

You leave the first 5 buttons of your shirt undone so that your chest shows.

You refer to your mother "My old woman".

You refer to your father as "The Old Man".

When talking on the phone, you always ask ten questions, and don’t bother waiting for replies.

You tell your parents you’re having a party. They buy out the whole supermarket.

You tell your parents friends come over and they lay a buffet in front of your friends, and are offended when they don’t eat all of it.

You have grossly huge sideburns inspired by Elvis.

It doesn’t matter if people can’t hear what you’re talking about – you talk so much with your hands that people know what you’re on about anyway.

You kiss people on both cheeks.

In middle age, you will rarely wear jeans, you will opt for slacks, like those before you.

You go to a wedding, and take a fancy to one of the guests. Later you discover that the guest is somehow related to you.

You go to a wedding, and are introduced to cousins that you never knew existed.

As far as you're concerned, there's only one sporting goods company - adidas

You've got an adidas bag

You wear an open shirt to the formal

On casual days you and the lads flock to Kmart and deplete their stocks of Bond's t-shirts

One word: PREPI

Johnny Walker's your best mate

People mistake you for a primate.

You tell your grandma you're not hungry and she thinks you have an eating disorder.

Your vocab exists of only car types and their parts.

You go to a party and spend more time revving your car than at the party itself.

Your conversations are based on one of two topics: Sex or cars.

In your world, there's no such thing as a girlfriend. You either have a "bird" or your "woman".

You go to the beach on the pretense of swimming but will develop a sudden allergy to salt water as soon as you are there.

The real excuse? You forgot to wax.

You don't know what shorts are.

You don't walk... You strut.

You walk like an action hero carrying a bag of oranges under each arm.

The hair is off limits.

Your parents made you go to Greek school, even though your teacher there didn't speak a word of English.

You use a mobile in a nightclub and consider it normal

You have to excuse yourself from class because your mobile's ringing.

You spend half an hour on your mobile talking to your friend who's on the other side of the room.

You turn 20 and the first thing your Grandmother tells you is "At your age, I was married and I was giving birth to my fourth child!!!"

You have to spend a Saturday night in some old Greek hall up woop woop for a village dance.

You can name all Rocky films.

You know The Heartbreak Kid word for word

You're 35 and think you look cool cruising down Rundle pumping Brittany Spears.

The 25th of March and 28th of October brings back memories of doing those parades in the Greek National costume, shouting out "HELLAS!! HELLAS!!" and waving Greek flags, while at night time, you channel-surfed the tv, hoping to see yourself on the news.

You hire "The Wog Boy" and are convinced it is a documentary.

You go to see "The Wog Boy" and you swear that the characters in the movie are based on your relations, or at the very least, people that you know in real life.

Before sitting down at a cafe, you place your mobile on the table.

You break a glass and your grandmother is convinced someone has given you the evil eye.

You and the boys go to a club and Australians move out the way fearing Mafioso connections.

You know that half the wog population in Adelaide is a phone call away if someone starts ANYTHING with ANYONE.

By Katina

Some facts suggested by Leilani. Also, a few facts suggested by Norwood Year 12s of 1998

The Queen of Wog Women

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