Welcome to my Jokes Page!!

I hope you find these jokes funny.

Joke #1

There's these 3 guys sitting in a bar and the first guy goes out hunting and comes back with some bear fur. The second guy says "how did you do that?" The First guy says "I see tracks, I follow tracks, chic-chic (gun trigger noise) BOOM. I get bear fur. So the second guy goes out hunting and comes back with some rabbit fur. The third guy says, "hey, how did you do that?" The second guy says, "I see tracks, I follow tracks, chic-chic, BOOM. I get rabbit fur. So the third guy goes out and comes back almost dead. So the guys ask him, "What happened to you?" and the third guy says, "I see tracks, I follow tracks, chic-chic, BOOM. I get hit by TRAIN!!!"

Joke #2

There's 3 guys in the forest and a genie pops out of nowhere and says, "GUys, you've been good so if any of you guys can stick any friut up your a$$ without laughing, then I will grant you a wish." So the first guy starts sticking a strawberry up his a$$ but he can't help it and starts to laugh. So the second guy start sticking a blueberry up his a$$ and almost makes it but he starts to laugh....WHY???.......because he sees the third guy walking up to him with a Pinnapple.

Joke #3

There's 3 guys on a cliff and suddenly, a genie pops out of nowhere and says, "you 3 have been very good, so i'm gonna grant you a wish. Just run and jump off the cliff and tell me what you want to be and i'll turn you into that." So, the first guys runs and jumps off the cliff saying, "I wanna be a bird!" Poof! he turns into a bird and flies away. The second guy runs and jumps off saying, "I wanna be a fish!" Poof! he turns into a fish, falls into the water and swims away. The third guy starts to run as fast as he can but then, he trips on a rock saying, "OHHH Shit!!!" (you get my point!!)

Joke #4

There's these 3 guys outside of a cave that has the worlds smelliest monster inside. A genie pops out and says, "If any of you guys can go in there for more than 10 seconds, I'll grant you a wish!" so the first guy goes in and comes out in five seconds, trying to catch his breathe. So the second guy goes in. 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8 and he comes back out and collapses on the floor. So the third guy goes in. 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10. the monster runs out!!!

Joke #5

An escaped convict broke into a house and tied up a young couple who had been sleeping in the bedroom. As soon as he had a chance, the husband turned to his voluptuous young wife, bound up on the bed in a skimpy nightgown, and whispered, "Honey, this guy hasn't seen a woman in years -- let alone one as beautiful as you. Just cooperate with anything he wants. If he wants to have sex with you, just go along with it and pretend that you like it... Remember both of our lives depends on it." "Darling," whispered the wife, "I'm so relieved you feel that way, because he just told me he thinks you have a really nice looking butt."

Joke #6

3passengers on a airplane flying over the Amazon begin to decend. The pilot tells them to jump so they could lose weight. They all do and find that they are lost. They start to walk and are captured by natives. The chief comes out and looks upon them. He looks at the first guy who is a popular captain. He gives a grunt at him and ask, "You...death or cowabunga?" The captain ask for cowabunga and the soldiers that have him captive take him on stage and tie him up in the doggie position. Every man gets behind him and does him from behind, each saying, "Cowabunga...cowabunga." When they were done with him they asked the second man the same question, and since he was gay he gladly asked for cowabunga. They did the samething, tied him up and each one said cowabunga.. cowabunga. Finally the third man, a navy seal, was asked the same question. He replied, "fuck cowabunga, I'm a true man, give me death!" The chief looked amazed but then calmed down and said, "Okay, death.....DEATH by cowabunga!"

Women's English