Q: Why did the snowman have a smile on his
face?
A: Because the snowblower was coming
down the block!
Why the Little Angel is at the top of the Christmas Tree ...
On Christmas Eve Santa Claus was getting ready for his annual trip.
As he
pulled his favorite pair of red pants on, they ripped. So, he had
to take them
off and put on another pair, which was a bit too tight. He then went
to check on
the rest of the preparations. The elves were on strike. The
reindeer had
shin-splints. At this point, Santa was BUMMED. He went into
the kitchen to
take a calming drink, and the bottle was EMPTY. Now he was really
mad. All
of sudden, there was a knock at the door. Santa, in his angry state,
ignored it.
There was another knock. Santa was in no mood for all of this. When
the
knock came again, Santa--filled with rage--threw open the door. Standing
there was a little angel who said, "Hi Santa! What do you want me
to do with
this Christmas Tree?"
A Parents Night Before Christmas
'Twas the night before Christmas when all through
the house
I searched for the tools to hand to
my spouse.
Instructions were studied and we were inspired,
In hopes we could manage "Some Assembly Required."
The children were quiet (not asleep) in their
beds,
While Dad and I faced the evening with
dread:
A kitchen, two bikes, Barbie's town house
to boot!
And, thanks to Grandpa, a train with a toot!
We opened the boxes, my heart skipped a beat....
Let no parts be missing or parts incomplete!
Too late for last-minute returns or replacement;
If we can't get it right, it goes in the basement!
When what to my worrying eyes should appear,
But 50 sheets of directions, concise, but
not clear,
With each part numbered and every slot named,
So if we failed, only we could be blamed.
More rapid than eagles the parts then fell
out,
All over the carpet they were scattered about.
"Now bolt it! Now twist it! Attach it right
there!
Slide on the seats, and staple the stair!
Hammer the shelves, and nail to the stand."
"Honey," said hubby, "you just glued my hand."
And then in a twinkling, I knew for a
fact
That all the toy dealers had indeed made a
pact
To keep parents busy all Christmas Eve night
With "assembly required" till morning's first
light.
We spoke not a word, but kept bent at
our work,
Till our eyes, they went bleary; our fingers
all hurt.
The coffee went cold and the night, it wore
thin
Before we attached the last rod and
last pin.
Then laying the tools away in the chest,
We fell into bed for a well-deserved rest.
But I said to my husband just before I passed
out,
"This will be the best Christmas, without
any doubt.
Tomorrow we'll cheer, let the holiday ring,
And not have to run to the store for a thing!
We did it! We did it! The toys are all set
For the perfect, most perfect, Christmas,
I bet!"
Then off to dreamland and sweet repose I gratefully
went,
Though I suppose there's something to say
for those self-deluded...
I'd forgotten that BATTERIES are never included!
More
Back