My Personal Battle with Breast Cancer








Hi, my name is Rose. I want to share my story with you. I have breast cancer, but I am in remission right now. I was diagnosed in late March, 1999.
I am 33 years old, never dreamed this could be cancer. About a year prior to that, I felt a rather large lump in my left breast. It was painful to the touch, but I didn't think anything of it.I thought it would go away. Dumb huh?? Needless to say, over the next few weeks, it got larger, and more painful. I was dealing with alot in my life at the time, I had no time to go see about it.
I had a very stressful job, pregnant, and a home life was a very lonely one..She was my first child, a miracle!! Months went by, and I was feeling more pain, and more lumps. I was scared, in fact, terrified, but I wasn't going to risk the life of my baby, for anything!!
I was rushed to the hospital Nov. 1, 1998, as I was having severe pain, I thought my angel was coming!! I started hemorraghing, and she was stillborn. They had to take her from me, and they had to do an emergency hysterectomy, because of prior damage, when I was younger. I was told that I could never have a baby, that is why my angel, Jenny, was a miracle!!
I never got to hold her in my arms, look in her precious eyes, or even hold her little hand. I go and sit by her grave and cry alot, wishing she was with me, helping me through this, but I realize now that God wanted his precious angel back, he didn't want her in this cruel world, he needed my Jenny with him.
I was so depressed over the loss of my angel, that I ignored the lumps in my breast. My marriage fell apart after that, he left me for another woman, and the domestic violence started after that. He wanted me back, and I refused. It was not a pretty site. I got a divorce, as fast as I could. That's another story in itself!!
Anyway, I finally went to the doctor and after many tests, I was told that the tumors were malignant (cancer). That I have IDC, (infiltrating ductal carcinoma). In another words, tumors that spread through out the body, especially to the lymph nodes and the lungs. I was speechless, cried alot, and just wanted to die right there and then. The doctor said he wanted me to go to an oncologist, (cancer doctor). I have a habit that when I can't bear life anymore, I jump in the truck, and drive. I left for a few days, just hoping, praying, and wishing that I would die. When I finally came back home, I called someone very special to me, and he was very sympathetic, and gave me the courage to see this through. I went to the oncologist, she did some testing, and prescribed that I have chemotherapy, radiation, and then surgery. The surgery would be decided on after the treatments. I started with chemo. I went for a few days, and it was the worst thing I ever experienced. I was getting migraine headaches, severe nausea and vomiting, and extremely weak. They gave me meds for the side effects, but nothing worked, so I just stopped going.
The doctors said that I had less than a year to live without treatment, and a 60% chance of survival with the treatments. With those kinds of odds, I thought, I'm not going to be this sick for the time I had left. The pain in my breast was more intense than ever. I didn't know what to do or where to turn.
With the help of God, my priest, some wonderful friends, and someone very close to me, I decided to go back and this time see it through until the end.
I went thru six weeks of intense therapy, neoadjuvant chemo everyday, which consisted of cytoxan, 5-FU and novantrone, 5 days a week. They called that my daily milkshake, intravenously. After that I went through 12 weeks of radiation therapy once a week. It was the worst time in my life, physically, mentally, and emotionally. I lost all my hair, my strength, my self-esteem, my dignity, and lost alot of weight. That was a plus for me, I weighed 190 lbs, before treatment. Now I am down to 122 lbs, around where I was only 2 years prior to all this. I have a thing about being overweight.
I look like walking death right now, but makeup and a wig covers alot, but the most important thing, is that I'm still alive!! I am a survivor, at least for now. I have to sweat out 2 years, then I will be considered cancer free according to my doctors. I live in pain everyday, and the affects of this, left me very weak and tired, but I am slowly regaining all that I have lost. I have to have weekly blood tests done and checkups every month, but it is a far cry from dying. I have meds that I have to take for the rest of my life, but if all this gives me another day to enjoy, it is well worth the fight. I am still very scared. Some days are harder than others to get through, physically and emotionally, but I am confident, that I will make it.
I am not sure what the doctors want to do about surgery at this time, but hopefully it won't be removal of my breast, and if it is, I know it'll be hard to accept, but if it means my life, I'm sure I will do it!!
God is been a very important part of my life now, I know without his love, support, and strength, I wouldn't be here, telling you my story.
I owe my special friends recognition as well. They are my guardian angels. There were many times, that I wanted to end my life, but they were always there for me, giving me reasons to go on, showing me that I had a purpose in my life, that I was loved, even though I was going through the darkest time of my life.
There are alot of roses on the page, and everyone is dedicated to these beautiful guardian angels of mine. They all have become "family" to me. I love them all very much. I have decided to make a special acknowledgement page for all my wonderful angels that has "always" been here for me, helping through one of the darkest times of my life. The link is below, they deserve so much of my love and appreciation, I will never be able to repay them for all their kindness and prayers. Again, I love you all very much!

I also attend a support group for victims of cancer, and a few of us have written poems about this disease, and I would like to share them with you. Please persuade yourself and your loved ones, to do the monthly breast exams and if ANYTHING doesn't seem right to you, see a doctor, it could mean your life, or the life of a loved one.
Guys, this affects you as well, without the woman you love, you will lose the most important thing in your lives, persuade her to do the right thing. So many lives are lost due to cancer, and if it is caught in time, that is our way of fighting this deadly disease. Don't let cancer run your life or the one you love, fight back as hard as you can!!



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