Okay, once upon a time there was a saintly man named Tommy Lee Jones (surprise, surprise) and he was watching TV at his ranch in Texas after spending a long day teaching Harvard students how to play polo correctly. He saw a news story about the appalling state of world hunger and decided to... dry off his horse (which was soaked after playing polo in that pool), and get on and ride off to the White House. On the way, he needed gas. So he... pulled into a 7-11 (which now apparently serves gas, also, although I've never seen one that did, but hey, that's life) and went inside to prepay. Behind the counter, there was this nice little old lady, who wanted to help end world hunger, and also had a nice collection of automatic weapons in the back. So they drove off... The old lady and the young whippersnapper decided that together they could make a difference in World Hunger. They drove and drove for 3 days, not wanting to stay in one place too long. You see they were looking for... the lost VW Microbus, which of course, was the best vehicle in which to save the world from famine. Finally, they found it parked in Ed Harris's driveway. Thinking that the kindly actor might want to help them on their crusade, they went up to the front door and rang the bell. Ed came to the door, wearing... only a smile. Tommy Lee said "Gee, Ed, I guess you're happy to see us." The horse said "We're on a mission to end world hunger. We need your help." To which Ed replied, "Why, certainly! I have three tons of spam in my summer home in Singapore." So the three of them, Ed, Tommy, and the driving horse, drove to Singapore. On the way, they crashed into... a sign. The horse was not happy. But he resolved his differences, and they settled out of court, so all was well. UNTIL they met up with the standard evil villain in every story, Dr. Otto Von Frozenfruit. Now Dr. Frozenfruit wasn't a very good evil villain, but then none of them usually are. But he was still evil, and that's all that matters, because NOBODY messes with Ed Harris and lives to tell about it. So they came across Dr. Frozenfruit, who was... known internationally for his research into developing a food preservative that would not only allow food to be stored for up to 50 years but... to go deep-sea diving and take Spam to all the poor starving children who live on the ocean floor. (Editor's Note: TLJ looked AWESOME in his wet suit!) The children were starving, but really didn't like Spam all that much so our heroes decided to... start singing "I'd Like To Be Under The Sea! In an Octopus'es Garden in the Shade!!! He'd let us in..." But the children interupted saying "You have wonderful singing voices, especially the horse, but we're hungry and a song won't really do." So the old lady pulled out her M16 and took potshots at the children. Unfortunately, the laws of physics still applied in this story, and the bullets didn't go very far when shot underwater. But then again, this story has a talking horse that takes 92 octane, so physics jumps out the window for the time being, and the bullets turn into evil kumquats bent on doing the bidding of Dr. Frozenfruit. So the group had to... quickly swim to the surface... hoping that Dr. Frozenfruit, who could not see very well, would not see them sneaking 385 kids up to the surface. Tommy Lee Jones led the way... followed by his sexy old lady and the rest of the crew. When they reached the surface, they could not believe their eyes. Above them was... Amelia Earheart! She asked, "Does anyone know where in tarnation I am? I'm been flying North and South for the longest time." They asked the kind lady if she would give them a lift, and she agreed. But close behind was Dr. Frozenfruit! For he had found out about their escape and was following in The U.S.S. Brittain, which had believed to have been lost in the Bermuda Triangle. So the sexy old lady took out her... air to air missile, that she always kept in her purse, and shot it off. Dr. Frozenfruit's plane went down in smoke and pieces of wood, and not a few frozen peas. Then the whole group, most of whom were hanging on the wing of a two-seater, flew back home, and had a dinner that couldn't be beat.

THE END

The Epilogue: Tommy Lee Jones married the old lady whose name was Rina. Dr. Frozenfruit lost some limbs but survived the crash. The rest of the people went home to live their lives peacefully after such an adventure. Now it really is...

THE END.....?