Once upon a time there was a gallant young gentleman named Gerard. He was a nice young man who went to the University of Gobbledygook. He was an excellent student. One day he saw... a wonderful and also very *interesting* tennis ball. Now he may have been gallant, but he was in no way intelligent. So he picked it up and stuck it in his back pack. Of course he was stunned when it said... "Hey, how would you like to be stuck in someone's back pocket? You know I've been bounced around for hundreds of years, and frankly, I'm getting a little cranky so you better just... put me down right this minute or I'll stamp my little feet and throw a... super hysterical shrieking fit. And you DEFINITELY do not want to see that happen! I've been exiled from the happy tennis court in the sky until I can do a good deed back in the big tennis court on earth. Can you help me?"... The gallant Gerard thought a minute and while, he wasn't very smart, he was very very uh, what's the best term, "built"? Anyway he was very physically fit and was able to persuade a few of the local... butt slapping jocks to talk to the tennis chicks. Now the tennis chicks harbored a deep hatred for... men. Everybody's heard about those tennis chicks and their "orientation". So the butt slapping jocks got nowhere until... Gerard, gallant man that he is, explained to them that not all women are interested in their foolish antics. Meanwhile, the tennis ball in limbo was getting very frustrated. He made Gerard let HIM talk to the jocks. And he said... in a very feminine voice, "I need to get back to the great court. Now I'd appreciate it if you'd get your slapped butts in gear and help me out here." They were so stunned because it turned out that the tennis ball was *supposedly female* and they did ANYTHING that women wanted (tehe) that they... made their suggestion: Convince Andre Agassi to grow back in that curly mane to make watching tennis the pleasure it is supposed to be (for good 'ole andy was their only weakness ever since... gumballs, which they loved when they were wee little ones.) Andre refused to grow the hair back, because Brooke did not want a husband with hair prettier than hers. He did, however... put on a wig just long enough to make the tennis girls allow the poor lost tennis ball to try and do a good deed. Now that he was "in," all he had to do was find a damsel in distress... and he was floating down main street in the rain, wondering where he could find such a damsel, but alas he was jumped by the Super Lasagna's arch enemy, The Evil Fettucine and his four makers of alfredo sauce. They... took him off to Ed's Giant House of Meatballs, where he was forced to listen to out of tune opera until he talked. And when he finally broke down he said... "Where the heck is Luciano Pavarotti when you need him?" So they got angry and stuffed meatballs down his throat (tootsie's gagging. She doesn't eat red meat) and began chanting... "You will NEVER get back to that great tennis court in the sky!!!" The poor tennis ball was quite distressed by this. Here he was trying to help someone out, and the Evil Fettucine was NOT helping. He fervently wished for assistance from the Super Lasagna, who suddenly appeared and... whisked him away to his MaJikal forest, once ruled by squirrels, and looked over by a very lovely and kind princess. Here, he gave him a bucket in which to vomit all those icky meatballs into (cuz they don't go with fetticine at all *L*) and a 'puter from which to contact his grand high leader... however, Mr. Tennis Ball had become disenchanted with the whole idea of returning to the great happy tennis court in the sky. He decided to devote his life to exploration and bounced off toward... Paris. He'd always wanted to see the Eiffel Tower, and besides, he'd heard that tootsie's son was going to be there for Thanksgiving. He wandered eating bread and cheese until... the illustrious Matt saw him sitting dejectedly under the Golden Arches. Matt, taking pity on the poor creature, as a sweet boy would do, walked over to him and asked him what was wrong... but the tennis ball had a lovely French pastry of some sort in his little tennis ball mouth, and couldn't say anything audible. But after a while Matt (lovely name btw) made out the words... "Help me for I have been imprisoned by the evil "Micky D" he is using me as a mastermind for his diabolical plan... The poor tennis ball burst into tears. He could see that Matt was doomed now that he was snarfing away on the evil meat. THEN, he had an idea. This was his CHANCE! He ran into Micky D's and snatched the evil burgers away from Matt and informed him of the error in his ways. Then the great Tennis God in the sky smiled down on the little tennis ball and said, "You are my beloved tennis ball, with whom I am well pleased." And the tennis ball was commended back to the great tennis court in the sky. Matt went off to hang with Gerard, who had been forgotten. They became great friends and ate at tootsie's house every night.

THE END