Mindless Rants, Thoughts, Feelings and whatever.

Sat. Dec.18th 1999

It's 5:30 in the morning. I said to myself that i was going to stay off the net for a while...since the person most important to me isnt even talking to me, but i couldn't stay away for longer than a day. I keep thinking well maybe she'll talk to me today, more surprizeing things have happend, but she doesn't apear. I probly wont even see her untill after christmas. How ironic that the holiday suposed to be bringing me joy and happiness brings only sorrow and pain. Anyways...just some more pointless talking from me..only she can change things and start talking to me.

Wed. Mar. 1st. 2000

Traped. (pause) In a shell I can't break out of. Falling further into despair. I see everyone around me, grasping for a piece of me. I try helping everyone. Money here, advice there, and here's my soul, you want it too? I try, and it's not good enough for anyone. I feel selfish. I don't think i ask for too much, certainly not as much as some other people I know, but i guess It's still too much. I obviously don't get it.I mean, i'm venting now, about myself, so i feel selfish about it. Maybe cause i'm taking time from other people? I don't know anything anymore. Maybe i'm having a nervous breakdown. I feel depressed, i always do and nobody wants to hear about it, So why am i even writing this? I guess i say fuck you, if you don't like it don't read it. I didn't force you to.

Friday Aug. 4th,  2000

Ok, so i havn't done much of anything on this page for a long time. I havn't done anything with my life either. It kinda feels like im stuck in a rut. I was forced to grow up earlier because of my parents and now it seems like im taking the time that was stolen from me to just sit back and relax. I havn't even finished school yet. And wow has this year been going fast for me. Seems like i just barely turned 20 back in feb....and its already only 5 months till christmas. I guess im always saying why me...and no one will listen anymore...so i write it in here, maybe someone will actualy bother to read what goes on in my mind....hehe...So I hope whoever does actualy get the chance to read this a good day...and I hope your doing ok.